shokufeh is…home

I’m still trying to comprehend the magnitude of the tsunami and its effect. When we went to the Big Island a couple of years ago, we visited the Pacific Tsunami Museum in Hilo. It made a big impression on us, and we often wonder what we would do in a tsunami. (Just Saturday night, as we were sitting at a restaurant in Waikiki, I wondered if we were high enough if a tsunami were to hit.) But the scope of damage that we learned about at the museum doesn’t begin to compare to what happened this weekend. The only positive thing I can see is that it is heartening that the rest of the world cares about the vast destruction of villages we’ve never visited and the lives lost of people we never met.

For now, I will focus on the loss of someone with whom I’ve spent time on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis. Goodbye, Lennie.

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It will make me feel better…

Dear Bill,

Why must you toy with me? I’m sure I’m not the only one who often revises documents with input from numerous people, and likes to keep everyone’s suggested revisions separate. Why do you insist on asking me if I want to merge changes into the original document? And then, AND THEN, you give me the option of answering, “No, and don’t ask again.” But do you listen? NO. You ask me the same question again and again and again. Every freakin’ time I open the revised document!

With dented head,
Shokufeh

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Ten years ago this week – probably today – my college career came to a close. As is often the case, I tried to cram too much in to that last day – turning in a paper, shipping boxes, moving out of the dorm, saying goodbye to New York…. It seems I still haven’t learned.

What I remember of that day is… being at the computer lab really early in the morning – that was when a computer in the dorm room was the exception, not the rule… not knowing how to change the font (I’m even embarrassed typing that)… or maybe it was finally figuring out how to change the font? (just in time for my last paper, on animal archaeology)… saying goodbye to the people I’d worked for/with since my first week of college… running to the post office down the street, pushing a big gray cart full of my stuff, wearing my black Calvin Klein jeans and black Nine West heeled loafers (my brother remembers desserts, I remember clothes)… the mild weather… crying when I couldn’t find the building manager to turn in my key… crying as I thanked the guard for keeping me safe the past few years… panicking as I realized that I couldn’t move all my stuff out the front door in one trip… deciding that if my boom box were stolen from Fifth Avenue as I went in for another load, I would just have to deal with it… getting in a taxi only an hour before my flight… crying as I said goodbye to The City… feeling relief at knowing that it wasn’t a final goodbye, as I would be coming back in May for graduation… getting out of the cab with less than half an hour until takeoff… jumping people in line so that I could check in and make my flight… trying to run through the airport while hindered with about five bags dragging behind me… showing up at the gate with the five bags and saying, “I have too many carry-ons. What do I do?”… briefly thinking about all the things, including my passport, that were in the bags, which closed by hooks or drawstrings, but then being too tired to care as I handed them to the gate agent to be checked in… being amazed that everything, including the felt shoe of my Madeleine doll (and the passport), made it to New Orleans….

As I think back on the last ten years, I can’t help but think that none of it was fathomed by the me-of-ten-years-ago-this-week. She hoped to soon serve at the Baha’i World Centre in Haifa, Israel. In the interim, her only plans were to leave in a couple of days for a youth conference in Phoenix, and in a couple of weeks for Costa Rica with her scholars’ group. She had never given serious consideration to living in China. She thought she wasn’t qualified to apply to the Peace Corps and couldn’t imagine entering, much less leaving, it. She’d never thought about going to public health school, or going to school in her hometown. I think she thought that if she went to school again, it would be for a PhD in anthropology, hopefully at Emory. She was content with not having taken a single math class in college, and had never heard of an epidemiologist. She likely thought that things would work out with her boyfriend and didn’t imagine that she’d finally call it quits within a month. She expected to be married and a mother by 25. She couldn’t imagine eating any kind of animal again, yet she’d be having a flesh throw-down in seven or eight months. She didn’t anticipate all the fun that she would have and the friends that she would make over the next few years, in various settings. Chicago was a cold and dirty place in her mind and she’d never considered living there. She’d never fallen for an all-round nice guy. She’d shown no interest in Hawaii. She would have run away from an accounting class, never imagining that she would one day intently read Fortune magazine as she walked home.

Sam and I were recently talking about how good my life has been. How things just work out for me. I think part of that is that, when it comes to the big things, I’m willing to take the plunge, even if it’s not quite what I’d anticipated. (I think the other part is that God knows my limitations and doesn’t test me beyond them.) I tend to be inflexible with the little things. But if it’s major, I view the unexpected as an opportunity. So the past ten years were in no way fathomed by the me-of-ten-years-ago-this-week, but they’ve been a great ten years.

Pay attention to this, Shokufeh, when you think things are not going according to plan.

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I never told you about the Magic that is D’sney. When we left for Orlando a couple of weeks ago, we didn’t expect to visit D’sneyWorld. We were going to be in town for only about 60 hours. And Sam’s brother stopped working for the Empire earlier this year, so we figured comp tickets were not to be had. We were wrong. The last batch of comp tickets was given to the segment of the family with children. They headed to the M’gicKingdom. We hooked up with a friend who still works for the Empire, at Epc’t, with plans to meet the rest of the family at the M’gicKingdom.

So, when we entered Epc’t, we were given multi-park tickets and the inside of our wrists were stamped. We spent a couple of hours there and then headed for the monorail. Just as we were about to go through the exit, I checked my pocket for my ticket. Gone!
I was shocked.
Devastated.
I’d ruined our plans to spend the rest of the day with family. And I’d screwed up – losing something very expensive. I like to think of myself as above losing things.
Ego check in process.

We went to customer service, but because it was a comp ticket, there was nothing they could do. I cried. And pouted. Tried to convince Sam to meet up with the family and connect with me later. After I beat myself up, we headed to an exhibit in Epc’t. But then I started wondering how much a ticket to the M’gicKingdom cost. Maybe it was worth it? We headed toward the gate again, to ask an employee. But this wasn’t just any employee. His name was Walt. Just like the founder.

We asked Walt the cost of a ticket to the M’gicKingdom. We weren’t trying to finagle anything, but in asking him, we revealed the situation of my lost ticket. Walt walked over to an entry gate, picked up a multi-park ticket and handed it to me, wishing us a happy holiday.

Magic! Just thinking about his kindness brings a knot to my throat.

This was me after talking to customer service:

This was me after seeing the above picture of myself:

I also probably looked like this after meeting Walt.

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When making my list yesterday, I forgot that this weekend I also:

I was waiting at a red light when a car traveling perpendicular to me drove across the intersection and into another car. Not at a high speed, but you could hear the crunch. After a long pause, the back car reversed, changed lanes, and drove off. It was really creepy to witness someone shirking their responsibility so blatantly. I tried to get their license plate number, but I was able to see only the first three letters, and the hittee drove off so I couldn’t even give them that.

They take into account my hips (appropriate for child-bearing), and height (short), are low-rise and bootcut, and cost me only $21.99. I think this was my first acquisition of blue denim jeans in more than 10 years – it’s always such a struggle to find ones that fit. And I don’t think I’ve had such trendy jeans since fifth grade, when I had, not only the ones with embroidered stripes, but ones of the same variety, with a windowpane check.

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When I was living in China, one of the words I learned was gandong. As it was explained to me, it’s a description of one’s heart being full, as if the ocean has taken up residence. The closest word I can think of that’s used here is verklempt, but I think of gandong as the heart being chock-full of emotion, even if it isn’t expressed outwardly.

Anyway, gandong is how I felt when I read news of the volumes of information soon to become available to anyone with access to an internet connection. Regardless of the motivations, the collaborations among busineses and institutions, on various continents, result in furthering the education of many. To think that, in a few years, someone in a basic internet cafe in a small village can have access to information previously locked up in a prestigious institution, fills my heart.

Google Is Adding Major Libraries to Its Database
(Also mentioned: US Library of Congress and a group of international libraries announced plans to have 70,000 volumes publicly available online by next April.)

Update 4: Google to Scan Books From Big Libraries

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This weekend, I:

All in all, a good time.

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Last night and today have been super-windy. Despite the things that get knocked over as it whips through our apartment, wind is one of the forces of nature I adore. I love the extra emphasis in putting one foot in front of the other, the exhilaration of being knocked about by something I can’t see.

Inevitably, walking in wind calls up a memory from when I lived in New York. I was walking to the dorm, after a midnight soccer practice at the gym. The streets were quiet and empty, save for a fresh snowfall, and a university employee in front of the library, doing his best to counter the snowfall. As I was passing the library, the wind picked up, making me feel as if I were going to be picked up. To this day, I still think if I hadn’t held on to a nearby garbage can or street post (some piece of metal, the shape of which is hazy in my mind), I would have become airborne. That feeling of powerlessness, the expectation of being swept away, was so sweet.

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double dare you…
to tell me this isn’t the cutest shoe EVER.

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Thursday night, Sam and I got on a plane in Hawaii, saw a glimmer of Friday’s sunrise in L.A., had lunch with Roya and Nadia in the Atlanta airport, and touched down in Orlando to the start of sunset.

Saturday was spent, unexpectedly at Disney World (more on that later), with family.

Today (Sunday) was the Baptism we came for, and more time with family.

Early tomorrow, we get on the plane again for Honolulu.

Despite the fact that we’ve spent just over twice as much time on the ground as we did/will traveling, I’ve had a great weekend. Spending time with the family I married into was wonderful and makes me look forward to moving back to the mainland, where seeing everyone won’t be such the production.

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