well, the moment has finally come friends: i will be leaving the lay-c.com domain... but, of course, i will always be a part of the fam-lay. my blog can now be found at:
i still don't know what this means for the future of my blogging. maybe i won't continue blogging forever... but for the time being, i'm at least going to leave home (domain) for the first time and try something new (word press). lacey will always be my blog mom, of course, and it's not like i'm exactly gaining true blogging independence here -- thus far, i've been on lacey's domain, and now i'll be on a domain that technically belongs to greg and me, but that is completely and totally managed by greg. i have no idea how to maintain it, and i couldn't if i tried. hence, not so much independence.
but i'm hoping that using word press will be easier and faster than using movable type, as movable type is not the most user-friendly way to blog. and i'm also thinking that lacey will finally be free of one of her little blog-lings, and that should make her life a little easier. (i'll be harassing greg with my blog problems from now on -- i mean, he actually migrated my blog content from one domain to the other in the first place).
also, i'm thinking it's time to finally join the adult world and start capitalizing normally. i'm working at a law firm this summer, and all the emails i write must be properly capitalized, so i'm really getting in the habit. i'm also realizing that i just don't feel as passionate about non-capitalizing (at least not *all* the time) these days, particularly since i'm now starting to notice that it makes paragraphs harder to read and skim through (i really never thought so before, but i'm starting to think so now). i've always believed in punctuating and spelling correctly, so perhaps it's now time to start capitalizing correctly as well. ah, it's a bit sad, but i think this is another way to move on.
so, without further ado, please join me for correct capitalization and word press fun on my new site:
See y'all there!
my dad was in the hospital this week. they think he had a minor heart attack and they found some serious blockage in his arteries. they had to insert stents to keep the arteries open and they started him on a bunch of blood-thinning medication. he stayed a few nights in the hospital, and he's home now, supposedly resting (but not really, of course).
this time we were lucky. better for this to happen now and to address the problem than for his condition go unnoticed, leading to something major and something very bad later. this time, everything turned out OK.
of course, all his kids knew this was coming -- he works himself to death and he never sleeps and he has a lot of responsibilities and a lot of stress in his life. for about 2 months now, i've had this creeping suspicion that something like this was about to happen. i've been feeling it kind of vaguely and praying about it, wondering when i was gonna get the call from home (i got it this past monday). my sister tem had a dream a couple of weeks ago that my dad had a heart attack, and she was very disturbed by it -- she was wondering when she was gonna get news like this too. so really, we sort of expected this, and now i'm wondering if i should expect a next time, and what that will be like.
the fact of the matter is that my parents are getting old. i'm the youngest of their (5) children, and as i get farther and farther into adulthood (unwillingly, of course), they get farther and farther into old age. they've both overworked and overexhausted themselves their whole lives, they've both lived on meager amounts of sleep their whole lives, and they've both given of themselves tirelessly -- to their kids and everyone else -- their whole lives. i think it's starting to catch up with them and their bodies just can't take all the abuse anymore. i've given them many lectures about being healthy and getting rest and taking care of themselves, as have all of my sisters, but apparently reality hasn't really sunk in for them yet.
i want my parents to be able to play with my children, and i'm kind of getting scared that that won't happen. i'm not having kids for at least another 5 years, so that means they need to be alive and well for at least another 20 years so that my childiren can know and love their grandparents. the way things are going right now, i'm not sure how likely that is. the thought of my kids not knowing the amazing, wonderful human beings that my parents are, and not being close to them the way that i am, really unsettles me. i want my children to to know their heritage, both spiritual and cultural, and to understand all the sacrifice and love that brought me into this world and made me who i am. i don't know if that's possible without my parents being around to know them and love them and teach them.
i love my parents dearly, and it's extremely painful to even think about not having them in my life anymore. it doesn't matter how old i get and how independent i'm supposed to be -- i know i'll miss them more than i can bear. but all the selfish concern for my own emotional well-being aside, i think i'm even more troubled by the notion that my kids won't have my parents in their lives. and right now, i don't know what i can do to make sure that my parents will be there for my kids. my dad is still working non-stop (he won't even relax since he's been home from the hospital -- he was trying to fix atoosa's car today in 90 degree weather), my mom is still in school getting her PhD and always trying to do 10 million other things in life, and neither of them will slow down, no matter what we do or say. at this point, i'm kind of out of ideas, and kind of scared of the future. i feel like the more adult i become, the more likely it is that my life will change in very significant ways, and i'm very uneasy about some of those changes. i suppose all i can do now is pray for detachment.