so, i'm not much of a TV watcher -- I haven't owned a TV in years, and people are always shocked when they find out that we don't have one at home. but we do have a projector and we do watch a lot of star trek reruns (various shows, all seasons), so i guess that makes me something of a TV watcher. but i'm even less of a movie watcher. i watch maybe a few movies every year. i think part of the reason is that i get so absorbed by anything i watch, and i have such a vivid visual memory and imagination, that anything i watch stays with me for days at a time -- the images, the feelings, everything. so i have to be careful about what i watch, because anything too sexual, violent, or horrifying can disturb me and literally give me nightmares. that considerably limits my options. which probably works out because i don't have all that much time anyway.
i have seen a few movies in the past few months, though, and i wanted to spend a few minutes talking about them, because they each got me thinking or had an effect on me in some way. so i thought we could discuss.
WARNING: i won't actually spoil any plots, but i'll allude to some things you may not want to know if you like to go into movies completely blind.
first, memento. we watched this movie at home on the projector a few months ago. interesting, but i don't think i would necessarily recommend it. i think part of the problem is that i had heard so much buzz about it already that i expected it to be great. so that's always hard to live up to. more importantly though, i think it was just difficult to understand. i already knew going into it that the guy had no short term memory and that the movie happened backwards. and i kept asking greg, who had seen it, questions about the plot -- which he would answer. and yet it was still incredibly hard for me to follow what was going on. i paid close attention and was still confused. at the end of the movie, i had to get on wikipedia and read the plot summary from beginning to end. i just think that's kind of ridiculous. i think i'm a fairly intelligent person, and like i say, i was actually paying attention. it shouldn't be that difficult to grasp what was going on. i mean, it's great for a movie to make you think, but at some point, you can be thinking too much and not enjoying the movie enough. i think that's what happened here. interesting idea for a film, not but of course, i've seen worse movies. so... one thumb sideways.
next, casino royale. we saw this one in the movie theater after one of my exams last semester. we were thinking it would be a fun, not too serious movie -- like every other james bond movie -- and that it would be a nice way to relax after my exam. wrong on both counts. of course, this movie had a different director and a different star than prior movies. but those factors have changed often throughout the life of the james bond movies, and they've still managed to keep the movies in the genre of fun, not too serious, glamourous action/casual hook-up flicks. something clearly changed here. this movie was very long and winding (to the point that it contained several climaxes and anti-climaxes), extremely gritty, overemotional, way too gratuitously and disgustingly violent, and just plain tragic. i could not believe i was watching a james bond movie. it left me feeling drained. rather than walking out of theater talking about the great car chase, i walked out of the theater tired and upset. (and might i note, there was actually no car chase at all). it was just not a good movie. i don't know what they thought they were doing here, but i don't think it worked at all. of course, i've seen worse movies. so, again... one thumb sideways.
finally, the illusionist. we watched this one at home on the projector too. now this, my friends, was a great flim. it was entertaining, thought-provoking, full of rounded, complex characters, and the plot drew me in. it was well-written and well-acted (not a surprise, considering how fabulous edward norton is). and the ending was fantastic. when the movie was over, i felt satisfied and happy.
...which is, i think, important for a lot of movies. i'm not even gonna touch documentaries here; that's an entirely different genre that i don't think is comparable. documentaries can definitely be sad, and often should be. but generally, i think movies should have happy endings -- one of the main draws of cinema is that it's an escape from reality. that doesn't mean that no one can die in the movie, or that every movie should end like some God-awful meg ryan romantic comedy; but it does mean i shouldn't walk out of there feeling depressed. a great example of this is the ending in mrs. doubtfire. it wasn't the perfect, storybook ending -- but it was a happy one. i think some movies can be OK without happy endings, but the ending still has to make sense, and the movie has to be very well done. and that's rare. so... as a general rule, if i want to be depressed, i can read the news. movies are supposed to take me away from that for about 2 hours. and the illusionist did that -- very well. highly recommended. one thumb way way up.
ok, thus end my movie reviews. discuss. :)
so my normal inclination is to wish everyone a crappy valentine's day. i hate valentine's day. it's one of the most pointless stupidities known to man. i often can't believe seemingly rational, intelligent human beings spend ridiculous amounts of time and money on exaggerated overtures to prove their love and affection for their significant others (or people they hardly know) not on a day or days of their choosing, but on a particular day that hallmark decided they must -- or else they are bad people.
how has everyone been so effectively brainwashed to give commercial industries so much money on one particular made up "holiday?" at least most other lucrative holidays are based on something. christmas, for instance -- Christ definitely wasn't born on december 25, but He was born sometime and so we celebrate that. but why must we senselessly celebrate our love for others on february 14? why can't we do that every day? even if st. valentine did exist and did promote relationship affection, would he really want us to buy into some CEO's brilliant plan to co-opt his name and legacy to make us drop $150 per person on dinner at some mediocre new york city restaurant on one particular night of the year? madness, i tell you, madness.
and just to clarify, i'm not bitter. i never have been. and now, i have wonderful husband, who was previously my wonderful fiance, who was prior to that my wonderful boyfriend. so i've had plenty of love to celebrate, and he's always come up with creative, sweet ways to surprise me. so valentine's day has become just one of many days in the year that he does fantastic things for me -- but it's still a dumb day.
however, this year, i felt the need to write about my valentine's day present, because it's the perfect present. you see, one summer in college, i studied abroad at the university of edinburgh. i fell in love with the city and i had an amazing time. i also brought home a baby blue "university of edinburgh" hooded sweatshirt at the end of the summer -- it quickly became one of my favorites. a few months later, though, i loaned it to a friend one night when she was leaving my place and it was cold outside. the next day, her apartment burned down. it was quite the freak tragedy, and thank God she was totally fine. but my sweatshirt died in the fire. after that, i tried desperately to replace it -- i looked online all over the place, asked my friends who were going back to scotland to visit, etc. but it was nowhere to be found.
of course, greg knew my whole sweatshirt sob story. but a few years had passed since the whole thing had happened, so i had long ago given up and stopped thinking about it. and then... out of nowhere, the night before valentine's day, a packaged arrived that was marked "royal mail." greg gave it to me, as it was apparently my valentine's day present. ...i opened it up, and it was my exact same hooded, baby blue, university of edinburgh sweatshirt. i couldn't believe he'd found it. and i totally fell in love with it all over again. and i wore it on valentine's day. :)
it was really the perfect present. nothing mushy, ridiculously priced, or overly-romantic. instead, it was something i needed and wanted and personally appreciated. so that is the story of my perfect present and near-perfect-husband. happy valentine's day everyone.
so life is good. much better than it's been in a long time. and for that, i'm very grateful.
*health.* i got some rest over winter break (not much, but some). i also went to acupuncture over the break, and i think it really helped -- i feel like it went a long way toward ridding me of my perpetual fatigue. and i saw my family, which is always therapeutic -- and also somewhat maddening at times. such is the nature of family, or my family anyway. :) and this semester, i'm still ridiculously busy and i have a ton to do, but i'm more or less setting my own hours... so i'm actually getting plenty of sleep. it's glorious. SO... i'm not quite 100% or feeling like my old self again yet, but i'm much better. and i'm very grateful to God and very happy about that.
*school.* so i'm doing much research, much writing, much editing, much task mastering. and, as usual, i'm way over-committed in terms of extra-curriculars... i'm planning events, playing basketball, and dancing way too much. but i only have one actual class (!), and i'm also really enjoying the work i'm doing for clinic and directed research and moot court and everything. how fabulous is that? and i never have to be at school before 11am. which means i don't have to leave to get on the train til 10. which means that i don't have to stuff myself and my 479 pound backpack onto a train with 78 million cranky people in morning rush hour. which means i also don't have to die of heat exhaustion as a result of being crammed in with 78 million cranky people who are all bundled up and wearing coats (myself included). which means i don't have to hate commuting with such a burning, fiery passion anymore. which means i'm a much happier person.
*married life.* so i dunno if this is quite the poetic musing that everyone's been waiting for but... yes, married life is very nice. i highly recommend it. it probably helps that i have the best husband in the world. ok, to be fair, maybe not the best, but definitely in the top 5 at least. (for your FYI: that concession is a shout-out to aaron, since he once told me, in response to my theoretical digressions on star trek, that i was one of the 4 coolest wives in the world -- he had to make allowances for alissa, of course, and also lacey and mojan).
anyway, it's nice. in some ways, it's very simple, and it seems almost surpising that people mystify it and idealize it and romanticize it so much -- on a very basic level, it's just living with another person and getting used to being life-long roommates. in other ways, it's a very deep connection that's hard to quantify and qualify. it's just a completely different type of relationship than any i've ever had, and it can be very comforting and very exciting and just very good.
also, one thing i've learned is that marriage does makes your life easier in some ways, but it can also make your life harder in some ways. and it's good to keep that in mind. it can be hard to adjust to that kind of complimentarity and shared space and time... so it's important to be patient -- with yourself and your spouse -- and to not blow things out of proportion. perspective really helps, and effort is often required. like my mom always says, "marriage is a work in progress."
one good piece of advice i've gotten on this topic recently is that you should never confuse logistical or external difficulties with marriage difficulties -- a lot happens to you from the outside, and it has nothing to do with your marital relationship. so even though you can always go to each other with your problems and pray and consult and come up with solutions together, you have to try not to import the negative or difficult stuff that is bothering you into your relationship with your spouse, or to mistakenly believe that your outside stress (from school or work, for example) is caused by your marriage or by your relationship with your spouse. so that's a lesson that i think is really important and i'm trying to internalize it.
there's so much to learn about ourselves and about our spouses, and i find it to be a very interesting journey. and it's a lot of fun. i think it's great to be young and married with no kids in new york city. it's a good time. and it's another thing i recommend. :)
...sometimes i'm still shocked that i'm married. sometimes i'm shocked at how natural it feels. sometimes i'm appalled at how apt a description of my life kelly clarkson's "miss independent" is.
but, yeah, marriage is good. i'm happy. i'm grateful.
so that's where i'm at. if i owe you an email or a phone call, hopefully this will redeem me a bit. :) and i still promise to email and/or call you.
sometimes i feel like i don't pray enough. there are too many people and things to pray for, and not enough hours in the day. years ago, i started making prayer lists -- categories, people, things i needed to pray for -- and looking over them each time i prayed. that way, even if i couldn't say a specific prayer for each person or situation, i could read over my list before i said general prayers and i would still be covering everyone and everything. but then i felt like i wasn't giving each person i loved enough individual attention. so then i tried to rotate -- i would pray for some people in the morning, some at night, some the next morning. but then, i would lose track and i was afraid i'd be praying for some people for than others.
and often, i feel like i don't pray for my own spiritual growth enough. i don't pray for long enough and i don't pray intently enough -- especially in the morning, when i'm rushed, and even sometimes at night, because i'm often distracted and thinking about what i need to get done. and i feel like the lack of focused prayer affects my outlook and my demeanor every day. i'm not as calm or strong as i should be, and i don't deal with problems or stress as well. but then, carving out time in the morning and at night to pray also stresses me out because i already don't get much sleep.
so, i'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how i can engage in more focused and more consistent prayer, pray for all the people i love, and feel like i'm actually spending enough time praying (without stressing myself out more because i'm going to be late to school or going to sleep too late or something). i feel like it's a fine balance, and i'm not there yet. so yeah, ideas anyone?