like a fish needs a bicycle...

in numerical order

so.

1. i got married.

it was a beautiful wedding, if i do say so myself. i'm not quite sure how, but i made it through the night, and i even danced quite a bit. i suppose the combined prayers of me, my family, and my friends (which probably literally totalled in the thousands), the medical stylings of my fabulous sisters (big shout out to atoosa, especially), and my attitude that whole weekend ("fake it til you feel it" and "smile and pretend everything's ok") all contributed significantly to my ability to enjoy my own wedding. i still felt kind of unsteady and light-headed, and i had a nervous stomach, but from what i hear, most brides feel that way anyway, so i guess i didn't do too bad. of course, i couldn't eat, despite my best efforts, which is quite a tragedy, because i hear the food was spectacular. and overall, i think it was a spiritual and joyful gathering, and for that, i'm truly truly grateful.

2. we went to cancun for the honeymoon.

i got sick (shocking, right?). i won't get into too much detail, but suffice it to say i was afflicted by 3 different ailments, and i we had to call the hotel doctor in the middle of the night once because i was so sick. 3 discrete illnesses on top of my prolonged crappy feeling was really impressive, i thought. i'm amazed i survived. oh, and the beach was really nothing to write home about. of all the beaches i've been to around the world, south padre island is still my favorite beach -- i suppose i'll always be a texas girl.

really though, i dunno why cancun gets so much hype. if it's because people go there and drink and party, then it seems like you could do that for much cheaper in plenty of other places (cancun was more expensive than new york, no joke). and if it's because of the beach, i found the beach there quite disappointing. it's pretty, but lots of beaches are pretty -- and so are pictures of lots of beaches. if you're going to go in person, it should be a good sensory experience overall. i found that the beach was too shallow, then suddenly way too deep, the undertoe was really strong, which made swimming exhausting, the shore was full of broken shells and rocks, and the waves were way too rough. i tried to teach greg to ride waves, as it was his first time at the beach (apart from the lakefronts that they calles "beaches" in minnesota) -- not sure he really got the full experience. i rode some good waves, but then i got slammed by a wave, and i was dragged across the broken shells and rocks. i walked out of the water with bleeding cuts on my back. so yeah, the beach was not so great. and in general, not the ideal honeymoon.

... particularly since i was worrying about what was to come this past week, but i'll get there...

3. we moved to new york.

we returned to dallas friday night, and i was not in top form. i was already post-sick and super-stressed about moving to new york and doing a week of interviews. i stayed up all night packing and preparing for early interview week, and we left for new york early on saturday morning. after spending the day traveling, greg and i arrived at our new place later saturday evening (which is very nice -- he did quite well in finding it). we made an emergency trip to target for some essentials and then crashed. on sunday, we got my stuff out of storage (all of which was smelly and musty due to a water leak that happened in the storage place over the summer -- sooo classy). the apartment promptly turned into an explosion of clothing, boxes, and newly-purchased target items.

4. i did 20 interviews in one week.

as greg and i continued to unpack, order furniture, and attempt to bring order to our lives, i started doing a marathon of interviews. what's funny is that people's perceptions have become so skewed that everyone kept saying "20 interviews -- that's not bad." some people were doing 42 in one week. madness, i tell you. madness. i had 28 to start with, i dropped several, i cancelled my whole wait-list so i wouldn't acquire anymore, and i still thought i was doing too many. whatev. i smiled, i schmoozed, i enthused, i pitched. now it's over. thank the good lord. i start school on wednesday, so we have a few days to try to make some progress on the apartment and everything. and greg is looking for a job. if you know anyone who needs a fabulous IT guy in new york, lemme know.

5. thus begins married life.

i saw all my classmates this week. everyone freaked out and asked to see my left hand. they also asked me what it's like to be married. the answer is that i don't exactly know yet. i'm still processing this whole thing, as we've only been married for 2 weeks, and our lives have been so abnormal and chaotic that i really have no idea what "married life" is yet. once we're a little more settled in, and i'm feeling a little more normal physically, emotionally, and mentally, and i've stopped obsessing over which songs the DJ didn't play at the wedding and which people i didn't get to take a picture with (really unhealthy, i know), i think i'll start to experience the married life routine. and then i will reflect. and then i will blog. so keep an eye out for my reflections on married lfe. until then, thank GOD i'm back in new york. funny how quickly this place became home.

i'm getting married in 2 days... AND... lariam is the spawn of satan

ok, so in 48 hours, i will be a married woman. i know, i know... no one can believe little naseem is getting married, everyone thought hell would freeze over before i would get married, etc. and yet, how quickly and easily everyone has forgotten my name and taken to calling me "aroos khanum," which means "miss bride." regardless, i'm pretty much just as shocked as everyone else -- more than anything i'm surprised at how calm i am about this. it's still a little scary, and i'm the first to admit that. but i think that i did all of my freaking out about marriage during the first few months we were engaged, so i'm pretty much fine now. it also helps that greg is so freaking calm and reassuring all the time -- it's a nice balance for my neurosis. so yeah, i think i'm a fairly chill bride, i haven't gotten too worked up over anything, i've let my family take care of most of the wedding plans, and i'm not really nervous or stressed right now. i'm happy to be getting married, and i'm really looking forward to seeing my family and friends and having a good time. mostly, i just wish that i was feeling normal...

which brings me to the second half of the title of this post. i can't say it enough, so i'll say it again: LARIAM IS THE SPAWN OF SATAN. lariam (generic name: mefloquine) is the most evil drug i've ever seen or heard of in my life -- definitely the most evil i've ever been unfortunate enough to ingest. who decided it was ok to give this drug to any living creature? i stopped taking it 6 weeks ago, and i'm still sick. 6 weeks! i ask you: what the hell?!?! i'm constantly tired, weak, shaky, and nauseated. and apparently, that's not abnormal at all. greg has been doing some research online, and he found out it's very common for people to have symptoms for several weeks and even months (in some cases, up to a year) after stopping the medication.

and the side effects of this drug are truly fabulous -- everything from nightmares, nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, diziness, drowsiness, faintness, fatigue, and disturbed sleep to strange thoughts, paranoia, hallucinations, delusions, permanent central nervous system damage, and suicidal thoughts. (kind of makes skipping the drug and just getting malaria a really attractive option, huh?). honestly, when should preventive medication making anyone that sick?

here are some links detailing how LARIAM IS THE SPAWN OF SATAN, in case you're interested in reading up:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lariam
http://www.mindfully.org/Health/2002/Lariam-Mefolquine-Fort-Bragg24aug02.htm
http://feinstein.senate.gov/04Releases/r-principi-lariam3.htm
http://www.lariam-larium-side-effects.com/

apparently, the drug has a half-life of 2-4 weeks, and it takes 3-4 half-lives for any drug to clear out of your system. i took lariam for 5 weeks before i realized it was making me sick (not like any of the doctors in india could figure that out -- me and my mom figured it out over the phone one night after i almost passed out). i'm now looking at a minumum of 6-12 weeks to be completely rid of the drug. so now i just have to wait. since being home, i've seen a few doctors, and i've had 2 blood tests, a urinalysis, a stool sample, an abdomen MRI, and an abdomen sonogram done. i had such weird and persistent symptoms that they had to check everything and make sure there was nothing serious or infectious going on. apparently, everything looks normal, and everyone's best guess now is that it's just the residual larium messing with my system.

considering how bad some people's reactions to this horrific drug have been , i guess mine aren't that bad -- these days i have chronic nausea, fatigue, and a resting tremor. and that's an improvement on how i was feeling while i was still on the drug, since my nausea was more severe and i had constant diarrhea (my joke was that i had morning sickness and i must be pregnant -- ha!), my sleep was disturbed, my tremor was more pronounced, my fatigue was more incapacitating, i had fevers and chills, and i almost passed out several times...

so yeah, in case i hadn't said so explicitly before, lariam pretty much ruined my entire trip to india. i tried to stay positive while i was there, but let's face it: lariam is the spawn of satan and it made me sick and miserable when i should've been enjoying myself and having a fabulous new experience. actually, 2 of the interns at the NGO i was at in india are from europe, and they were both telling me that lariam is banned in europe, and that no one is allowed to prescribe it. now that makes sense. so why does everyone in america prescribe it? my guess is that hoffman la roche (the manufacturer of lariam) haa a good drug lobby -- and no conscience.

whatev. i'm just telling y'all now, in case no one else does, that lariam is the spawn of satan and you should never never take it, no matter what anyone tells you to try to convince you. don't do it. maybe if i prevent others from suffering the hell that i did, it'll all be worth it some day. so please believe me. don't do it. there are several other options for malaria prophylaxis. explore tham and utilize them. just don't take lariam. please. don't do it. thank you.

and yeah, in case i hadn't said so explicitly before, lariam is about to ruin my wedding day. i've been so upset lately because i've been sick nonstop (which is really upsetting and very mentally and emotionally exhausting in and of itself) and because i'm really really afraid of being sick on my wedding day -- i'm having these terrible visions of being sick to my stomach and completely fatigued for no reason... unable to dance, unable to catch up with my friends and family who are there to celebrate with us, unable to enjoy myself at all.

i've been crying everyday for over a month now. i've been sick for 2 months, i've been frustrated because no one's been able to figure out what's wrong with me, i've been dejected because i pray intensely and constantly and don't seem to get much better, i've been stressed out from wedding stuff (lots of logistics, lots of crazy persians inviting themselves to the wedding, etc.), i've been frantically trying to get ready for early interview week (the week after the wedding, we fly back to new york, and i have 28 interviews with law firms for jobs for next summer -- i'm completely unpreparedl), and i've been dreading going back to school (which starts right after early interview week). all of this is really just too much pressure for me to handle. i think if i had the normal pressures of a wedding, i would be ok. but just being sick for this long, and also being unable to deal with even the normal stuff adequately because i'm so sick and tired and all the time... it's just really too much.

i hope with all my heart and soul that i'm ok on saturday. i was thinking this week that it seems like almost everything in life can be accomodated if you're sick -- job interviews can be rescheduled, class notes can be obtained from others, other people's weddings can be missed if need be. but my wedding this saturday -- not really something i can reschedule. so right now i'm trying to rest, pray, chill, and slowly get ready for everything little by little. i think that's all i can do right now. thankfully, greg is always sweet and supportive, my family is totally helpful and capable, and most everything is in place now. ...so let's hope for the best.

now, this is my last post as an unmarried woman. here are the take-home lessons:

1. lariam is the spawn of satan.
2. thank God for my family -- they are absolutely wonderful and i love, respect, and appreciate them more with each passing day.
3. lariam is the spawn of satan,
4. deciding to marry greg is probably one of the smartest, if not the smartest, decisions i've ever made. i'm feeling pretty good about it. i never thought i'd get married this young, i never thought getting married would make this much sense to me, i never thought i'd marry someone like greg. but all of it seems like a pretty great idea... and i'm happy. calmly, profoundly, and yet still excitedly, happy. so now we take the plunge together.
5. lariam is the spawn of satan.
6. it would be lovely if everyone could pray that the wedding, the honeymoon, early interview week, the move to new york, and the start of school all go smoothly and that i start feeling like a normal human being very soon.
7. lariam is the spawn of satan.

guess that's all for now.

see y'all on the other side.

happy anniversary

today is my parents' 38th anniversary.

i'm in awe of their many years of loving, selfless, service-oriented partnership. i truly believe they're some of the most amazing, if not *the* most amazing parents ever. i can't even wrap my brain around how much they have sacrificed for others throughout their lives, most of all their children; what incredible examples of Bahá'ís they have always been, no matter how difficult the circumstance; and how happy they always manage to be, in spite of everything. they continuously show me what generosity, wisdom, and unity are supposed to be. they are a positive influence on everyone they meet. they withstand every difficulty with grace and fortitude. they support their children in every endeavor. they are more than i ever could've wished for in parents.

i truly hope that i will have a marriage as strong and as vibrant and as spiritual as theirs. i really have so much to be grateful to them for... and i am grateful -- for everything.

happy anniversary, mom and dad.