like a fish needs a bicycle...

my global family

last week i went to feast in delhi. it was wonderful. truly, bahais everywhere are the same. as campy as it sounds, we really are one large, very diverse family.

being there, feeling the resonance as everyone sang prayers together in hindi, hearing a bengali song about Baha'u'llah, complete with tabla accompaniment, listening to the delhi community consult about all the same exciting developments and activities that we consult about in the states, and eating dinner outside at 10pm in the sweltering heat with all the other bahais... i finally felt like i was really in india.

i wasn't just seeing tourist sites, or hanging out with other foreigners, like i do at work all day (although there were a few foreigners there, and it was lovely to meet them too, as we all suddenly felt at home). i was actually meeting the people here, and being embraced by them. it was really nice.



oh, and i went to the temple again last night. i toured their beautiful information center, chatted with many of the youth tour guides there, which was great, and i got to go in pray (very long and very hard) after it was closed to the public -- sitting inside all by myself and feeling the peace and grandeur of the temple humming around me was amazing. and when i was finished, i walked outside and saw it lit... wow. that's all i can say. wow.

referral

i'd like to take this opportunity to direct you all to the african adventures of my fabulous roommate, sarah. she's a newcomer to the blogosphere, and her stuff is quite captivating... so give her a warm welcome.

update

so i’ve survived my first couple of weeks, but i’m still feeling like hell off and on… i’ve decided it’s my wretched anti-malaria medication (anyone out there ever taken larium?). my worst sick days seem to follow my weekly doses of larium, and my mom had a chat with my doctor back home – she said my symptoms (nausea, weakness, lightheadedness, dizziness, unsteadiness, disrupted sleep) are pretty typical responses to larium. so if it is the larium, that would certainly make more sense than if it were some crazy multiple-week stomach flu. i truly hope we’ve found the culprit, though, because i’m really freaking sick and tired and being sick and tired. i’m ready to just be well, stay well, and enjoy my experience in india.

of course i had heard all the horror stories about larium (terrifying vivid nightmares, paranoia, sleep disturbance, vomiting, etc. – i even heard one story about temporary amnesia). so when considering my options for anti-malaria medications, i really tried to get on something else – but health professionals in the US apparently really like to push larium, and every doctor and travel nurse i talked to recommended it to me. why, i don’t know. but i ended up getting a prescription for it and taking it – i’ve taken several of my weekly doses now, and i think it’s making me miserable. according to a couple of the european interns here, they don’t prescribe larium in france or the UK at all anymore. now i see why. i’m going to try to switch my medication this week, hope to God that i start feeling normal, and reassess from there.

meanwhile, i did get to go out a bit this weekend (before my most recent dose of larium and the ensuing illness). my neighbor from school, pete, happens to be in delhi doing an internship this summer, too, so he and i have been hanging out. we did some sightseeing this weekend – we went to see the old fort and india gate, which was cool (see pics below). i also did some bazaar shopping and started accumulating souvenirs to take back – i did the smart thing and went shopping with some cool indian girls here… and i had an altogether fabulous time hanging out with akhila and adhithi this weekend (also see pics below).

the ruins at hauz khas marketplace

men playing cards inside the shade of the ruins (i had to do this one quickly and stealthily, so it's kind off-center)

at the old fort (purana qila)

jungle gyms in india are shaped like hindu temples

the monsoons have begun (such a strange sentence -- never thought i'd be saying something like that)

a monkey at the bazaar -- next to the "baby girl" tee, of course

akhila, adhiti, and me

delhi from the balcony

on a more general, philosophical level… i find it so interesting being here. apparently, delhi is not the greatest place to be. anyone who knows anything about india keeps telling me i would be much better off in mumbai or south india or somewhere else… the consensus is that delhi is the hottest, dirtiest, most socially un-fun of the big cities. but that’s where the jobs are, so that’s where i am, and where the 20 others interns in my office are.

also, i have been noticing that there are soooo many men in this city and so few women... i was wondering what was going on, and beginning to wonder if i was imagining it. but again, anyone who knows anything about india confirmed for me that, for some reason, delhi has the highest ratio of men to women, and that for some other (perhaps related?) reason, the women who are in delhi just don’t go out. you see almost all men on the streets.

another relevant observation is that i get stared at everywhere i go. at first i thought it was just because i was obviously a foreigner (my dark hair and skin don’t fool them – they just know. and it’s not my clothes that give me away either, since some women here do dress western-style – they really just know.) but now, locals have also confirmed for me that all women get stared at in delhi. not sure why, but that’s how it is. so even when i do succeed in getting some native clothes made for me (tailors are good and cheap here, so i’m looking forward to that), i’m thinking i’ll still get stared at. that’s just how it is.

in some ways, i’m getting the worst of both worlds… i get stared at on the streets, so i can’t really blend in and pretend i’m a local, but then whenever i go into restaurants or shops, people look at me and expect me to speak hindi – they’re rather surprised and sometimes annoyed when i don’t.

… so i’m making some adjustments, as one always does when arriving in a new country. but i’m not really culture shocked. my only real complaint is that i’ve been sick – if it weren’t for that, i think i would be having a marvelous time. i hate feeling sick, i hate not being able to go out and do what i want to do, and instead having to depend on others… and i especially hate being a burden on others (particularly when the others are not my family or close friends, but are people i’ve just recently met).

but everyone here is cool, they’ve been very friendly and helpful, and i’m enjoying getting to know them and working with them. i’m also excited to learn more about international law, to get a good feel for NGOs and human rights work in this part of the world, and to work on projects that build my legal skills. this could all be really good in lots of ways.

so the plan now is to just hang in there, do my best to feel better, and try to enjoy myself along the way.

images from india

from the hot country

so i was hoping for a happy post from india. i guess we can’t always get exactly what we want.

it definitely was not the ideal first experience in india. i was supposed to fly to delhi last week, but i started feeling really sick at the airport during my layover in chicago. i felt like i had some kind of stomach flu (which is not uncommon for me, unfortunately). i delayed my flight until a couple of days, and stayed in chicago to rest and recouperate before my trip – everyone gets sick in india, but going to india already sick didn’t seem very wise to me.

i felt pretty decent over the next couple of days, and though i had a little stomach upset on the day of travel, i talked to my family, especially the doctors in my family, and i talked to my doctor -- we all decided i was well enough to go. i boarded my plane and sat through the 14 hour flight almost without incident (except there was this family behind me – possibly the most irritating family in the world – that took up the whole row, spoke unbearably loudly, and tag-team kicked my seat the entire flight, despite innumerable protests from me). i munched on crackers and yogurt and ice, and drank plenty of water, and i thought i would be fine. i was wrong.

an hour before landing i almost passed out. as i laid across the chairs, nauseated and shaking with fever chills, the flight attendants called for medical help, and a nice indian doctor on the plane came to see me and made me start chugging gatorade. they wheel-chaired me to the baggage check, where i met the people from my work, who were also very nice. but they don’t speak english and i don’t speak hindi, so we couldn’t exactly communicate. we waited about an hour for another intern to show up, but she never did, and i was feeling worse and worse, so i asked the guys to take me to a doctor. they called my supervisor and took me to a hospital straight from the airport.

it was all like a bad dream i couldn’t wake up from… late at night, in a foreign country i’d never been to before, feeling like hell, sitting in the back of a jeep and riding the through deserted delhi streets, passing the occasional slummy looking market-type things, not being able to communicate with the driver, finally arriving at a sparsely populated hospital ward in the middle of an isolated foresty-looking area… it was like nothing i could’ve imagined. all i could think was that i wanted to go home.

at the hospital, there was a female doctor on call who took care of me, and she gave me my usual in such situations. like i said, stomach flus/food poisoning are sadly familiar to me, and i’m lamentably well-versed in my usual symptoms and the usual treatment. so i got IV fluids and some IV meds for nausea and vomiting and they sent me home with some pills to pop for the next couple of days.

in retrospect, i think going to the hospital was wise – who knows how i would’ve felt or what might’ve happened if i hadn’t. i’ve been trying to recover since then, and i won’t bore you with the details of the past several days, but suffice it to say that i’ve been feeling better and worse on and off, i’ve been to the doctor once more since then, and i’ve had bloodwork and a urine sample done and everything seems to be normal. i don’t think it’s serious, but i sure feel like hell – especially since i’m just now being initiated into the misery of jet-lag. i didn’t sleep that first night here and i haven’t slept much at all since then. for all my world-traveling, i’ve never experienced insomnia like this before, and it’s really unfortunate that i get to go through it now, when i’m already sick.

fortunately, all the staff and interns here have been very helpful and accommodating and have taken good care of me, i live in a cute air-conditioned flat with a cool roommate, there are some fun interns a few buildings down, and work seems to be very interesting. and i think that i’m finally starting to feel somewhat better. i’ve been praying desperately for days and trying very hard to take care of myself, so i would think it all should’ve started kicking in by now.

what i really want to is to get well and be able to stay here for the rest of the summer and complete my internship. since getting here, i’ve been praying and thinking and consulting with my family about whether i should stay here, or just go home and try to get better. it all hinges on the question of whether i’m actually getting better while i’m here or not, and the answer to that question hasn’t been entirely clear. it’s not really clear now either, but i think i’m starting to get an idea.

the fact is that i’ve been wanting to come to india my whole life, i love the culture and the people of india, the work i will be doing here this summer is exactly what i want to do with my time and exactly the kind of experience i need for my career, and i don’t want to just be defeated and go home regretful – i’m always happier feeling like i’ve survived and thrived and learned from every new situation and test. so i think i’ve tentatively decided to stay. of course, if something significant happens or i suddenly get worse or something, then there is always the option of going home.

but i went to the temple to pray on sunday. it was, of course, wonderful, and i’m glad i finally made it out there. i was slightly sad because, since it was a sunday, and sundays are very busy, there were literally thousands of people literally shuffling through the building constantly. it was really hard for me to sit quietly and pray and meditate with all the heat and noise and movement around me. but i prayed hard anyway. and i think that i’m not feeling anything pulling me home right now or telling me to leave, and this is an experience i need to have. i don't feel well yet, but i feel that i should at least try to stay, and then go home at the end of july, which is when i planned on going home in the first place.

of course, we all know that if you want to make God laugh, you tell him your plans. so i’m aware of the fragility of all my thoughts and plans and conclusions. we never know what’s going to happen. but my mom once said something very wise to me. she said that we as humans only have 3 tools at our disposal when making decisions: prayer, reflection, and consultation. i’ve prayed a lot, i’ve reflected plenty (perhaps more than i should’ve), and i’ve consulted several wise people. i want to stay and i think i should. so i will try. we'll see what happens.