like a fish needs a bicycle...

thank GOD

ok. so. we found a place. it's fabulous. all is well. and now, i leave the country...

and, just in case you were counting... yes -- that was the 3rd consecutive wedding-related post. but, i think that trend is just about over, since my next post will be from india. let's hope it's a happy one. :)

the big wedding fiesta

hmmmm, so i should've written a new entry days ago. but things have been crazy. as usual, being home in texas hasn't been as restful as i would've hoped. we had a huge fiasco this week with the wedding planning. as my mom would say, we had a huge "fiesta."

so... not to be *that* girl -- you know, the one who talks about her fiance/wedding all the time -- because we all know we hate *that* girl, but wedding planning fiascos have been one of the predominating influences in my life these past couple of months, and this week has been the culmination of them all. so that's pretty much all i have to talk about right now, and i suppose i'll have to resign myself to two consecutive wedding-related blog posts.

truly, i'm so disappointed in people. no matter what happens, i still always want to believe people are good. but then, people are irresponsible, or worse, dishonest -- or perhaps even worse, dishonest about their irresponsibility so that they don't have to correct their own mistakes. enter the westin hotel.

after 5 exhausting months of searching for wedding venues, we thought we had finally arrived. since january, my parents and i have been thinking and talking about this nonstop and considering possible venues -- not only in dallas, but even in florida. we've searched every wedding website, looked at every bridal magazine, called every place that could possibly fit a group our size. we've visited countless hotels and event centers, took innumerable pictures, come damn near to signing contracts at no less than 4 places. every time we think we've decided, every time we think we've finally found somewhere, and we can relax and move forward with the planning and with our lives, we encounter some disaster, some obstacle that frustrates the hell out of us and puts us back at square 1. i can't even express how maddening it's all been. (see my previous post for advice about what to do when faced with the prospect of being in law school and planning a wedding simultaneously.)

last week, though, we thought we were finally finished. we thought we had really truly found the place, and things were really going to work this time. why the undying optimism, i don't know. we should've known by this point that it's futile to rely on anything. people are shady and self-serving and no one really cares about people's weddings, marriages, or emotions -- it's all about the bottom line. no point in relaxing until we've a signed contract, since only then does your money talk for you. but last week we actually went in to sign the contract. of course, that's not what actually happened.

what really happened was every bride’s worse nightmare. we had decided on the westin hotel at the galleria -- it was a really nice location, they had the capacity, and they had the right date open. my parents had been in contact with their wedding coordinator and had been meeting with her for over a month. they really liked her and they trusted her -- so i did too. but then she and the rest of their event planning staff ruined the most important day of my life.

since early april, my parents have been ready to hand this woman a deposit in order to hold the ballroom until we actually sign the contract. but no, the wedding coordinator said she could do better -- she promised my parents she would block off our date in the system and that she would hold it for us, without a contract, until the end of last week. we went in mid-week to sign the contract, and she mysteriously "didn't have it ready" for us all of a sudden. but we went over the ceremony and reception details with her anyway, and she told us she'd e-mail us the contract ASAP, so we could e-mail and fax it back.

when we hadn't heard from her by the beginning of this week, we knew something was wrong. what we didn't know is that she never prepared the contract, she left the country on thursday, she's nowhere to be found, and apparently, someone else in the office has not only booked our day for another group, but has now given them a contract in writing. best of all, neither the sales and catering manager nor the hotel general manager seem to give a damn. either the wedding coordinator was lying to us the whole time about saving our date, or she did save our date, and then someone in the office decided to override her because bringing a medical conference that weekend would be far more lucrative than hosting our wedding. either way, we, and our family and friends, relied to our detriment on the information we were given, and we're now suffering because of the irresponsibility and negligence of the westin staff.

i've tried to communicate to these people that we definitely have an actionable legal claim here, and that what they've done to us would make for some terrible publicity. they seem unfazed. the best they could come up with was a suggestion for another hotel that has the same date available. they told us repeatedly that there was nothing they could do since the other group had a contract in writing, and they even insinuated that we were perhaps the ones who were lying -- they said they couldn't know if they situation we had communicated to them was what actually happened until their wedding coordinator came back in town (if that ever happens). essentially, they screwed us over, and not only did they refuse to do anything about it, but they implied that it was our fault. what an uncanny ability to add insult to injury. sometimes i'm really just baffled about how people like that end up in managerial positions. they're supposed to have competence and discretion and they seem to have neither.

i suppose the reality is that these people get paid either way. so they don't need to care about us. they don't need to be fair or just or do the right thing. they don't need to treat us well or build a good relationship with us, since we weren't gonna be repeat customers in the first place -- but the meeting company that booked the medical conference will be, and they will pay them more every time. we're not their most profitable interest here. so whether or not what happened was just a mistake on the part of the wedding coordinator, or was a deliberate effort to dispense with us in favor of a more lucrative endeavor, we got screwed. and these people really have no incentive to make things better for us. such is capitalism, i guess -- only do what you have to do to get paid.

i know, i know... there's wisdom in this, there's a hidden blessing in everything, it will all be ok. but really, i'm so sad. people are terrible. and i really hope this whole wedding thing works out for us...

going public

right. so. you've heard the rumors. or maybe you're not persian, so you haven't heard the rumors. either way, they're true. it's true. i'm engaged.

for those of you saps who are wondering how it happened (complete with illustrations)...

greg flew into NYC and surprised me on our one year anniversary -- february 2nd. he conspired with my fabulous roommate, sarah (sneaky greg and sneaky rooms working together pretty much means naseem is clueless).
when i came home that night, completely unaware, everything was dark and my room was covered in candles and roses.

and then greg came up behind me and freaked me out. (i startle easily, as many of you may know.) and then he gave me this really beautiful necklace that he had designed and had made for me as an engagment present.



and then he asked me to marry him. you can guess what i said by referring back to that "i'm engaged" declaration above. what you may not know is that i actually said yes about 17 times.

...so, yeah, that's the story (complete with pictures). and yeah, we've actually been engaged for 3 months exactly. we got consent from our parents on february 17, which means it was official on that day. so now you may be wondering why you didn't know until now. the reason is that it was kind of on the low. why, you ask? well, it's really emotionally exhausting to embark on the process of getting married, especially when you come from a large,crazy, persian Bahá'í family, and *especially* when you're in law school -- this exhaustion is infinitely compounded when you have to explain everything to inquiring minds all the time. actually, before i address that last point, here's a word to the wise:

don't be engaged and be in your first year of law school at the same time. it is not a good idea at all. i recommend not doing it.

and, for your FYI, here's another piece of wisdom. if you can help it, try to avoid the following scenario:
you live in one city, where you attend law school, your fiance lives halfway across the country, your wedding venue is halfway across the country from both of you, you're going halfway across the world for two months prior to your wedding, and you come from a large, crazy family that can easily generate a guest list of 800-1000 people. (can you even imagine what madness we would be dealing with if i were marrying another persian?)

i don't know who those women are who dream about planning their weddings from childhood, or who actually enjoy planning their weddings while they're doing it, but i'm definitely not one of them. and i think they might be very strange people. *maybe* if my fiance and i lived in the same city and we were getting married in that city, i wasn't in school but instead had a 9-5 job that i didn't take home with me, and i had an unlimited budget, planning a wedding might be much more enjoyable. but still, i think the logistics would drive me crazy -- and i'm one of the most organized, detail-oriented people i know.

SO, all that said, i only told a few close friends when we got engaged. wedding planning can be extremely frustrating, and (this brings me to that last point about inquiring minds) justifying one's wedding planning can be even more frustrating than planning the wedding itself. every time i've had to explain to someone what was going on with the wedding, my summer plans to go to india, our plans after marriage, etc., i could expect a barrage of questions including, but not limited to, the following:

* "what do you mean you don't want an engagement ring?"
* "how can you not wear a white dress?"
* "you're not going to do traditional ceremony seating and walk down an aisle?"
* "why are you going abroad before your wedding?"

of course, i would usually respond with:
* "it's not 1858 in england, i'm not property, i hate rings, and diamonds enslave african children"
* "white dresses no longer indicate anything about bridal purity, and i don't want to blend into the undifferentiated mass of drone-like white-dressed women"
* "since when do Bahá'ís have to conform to meaningless rituals?"
* "do i even know you?"

it's amazing the kinds of traditional notions people hold -- you really have no idea until you get married and your family and friends start being appalled that you're an individual. last time i checked, i get to wear whatever the hell i want at my own wedding. but whatev... all that stuff is details. we all know the marriage is more important than the wedding. that's what i've been trying to remember from the beginning. i think too many people focus on the wedding and forget to prepare for the marriage. we've been trying to not do that. mostly because it seems that if the marriage is good, the rest will usually work itself out somehow. (or at least that's what i keep telling the control freak inside of me).

anyway, it's all been crazy. it's still crazy. and it's exciting. and unknown. and new. and scary. but it's good. and i think we're going to be very happy.

...so now you all know. i've found myself a bicycle. i daresay i'll like having it around...

wow.

i'm done with my first year of law school.

i don't think it has set in yet. i'm so glad to be finished though. these past few weeks were some of the most stressful i can remember. it also didn't help that as soon as i was done with exams, i spent two days frantically packing up my life and putting it in storage, and then cleaning my place so i could check out -- i basically didn't eat or sleep for a few days. it was far more exhausting than my exams, even though it wasn't as mentally difficult. i'm surprised i made it through without collapsing, and now i'm just trying to not get sick.

i stopped in chicago for the weekend, which was really nice, and now i'm home in dallas. my plan is to rest and get ready to go to india for the summer. for those of you who don't know, i'm going to be working as a legal intern at a human rights NGO in new delhi. i leave in two weeks and i don't feel ready at all. i've never been to asia, so i'm really excited, but i'm also slightly apprehensive about going by myself and figuring out how to live there. everyone keeps warning me about the heat, the disease, the harassment, the inevitable delhi belly. hopefully growing up in texas, vaccines, living in new york, and medication will help me deal with each of those things, respectively. i have plenty to do before i go, but i think sleeping is at the top of my list right now. and eating good tex-mex probably comes in somewhere in the top 10 -- i never really feel like i'm home until i've had good queso and sopapillas.

and still... wow. i'm done with my first year of law school.

a few guidelines

how you know your professor is unfair:
when he stops holding classes 2 weeks before the end of classes and skips town a month before finals.

how you know your professor is blatantly unfair:
when he not only skips town, but he doesn't get even one TA for your 110-person class, and also doesn't give you model answers to the questions on the practice exams -- thus, you have nowhere to turn for answers when you're confused.

how you know your professor is blatanly unfair, completely aware of it, and doesn't care:
when the above facts are brought to his attention, he says that students should have no problems because they should've been studying the material throughout the semester.

it's funny, because if that were really a defensible answer, all professors would skip town a month before finals. but they don't, because the fact is that no matter how well you read, study, go to class, take notes, and go to office hours throughout the semester, there's no way to ask all your questions in advance. no one has that kind of prescience. when the end of the semester rolls around, and you're consolidating everything you've learned, outlining all your class notes, and doing practice exams, that's obviously when you're gonna have questions you didn't have before. that's the nature of a semester-long course where you're graded based on just one final exam.

almost all professors are aware of this dynamic, so they not only have TA's and provide model answers, but they also hold office hours after classes end -- right up until the exam. but my particular professor apparently fails to understand the fundemantal logic and fairness of this process. and then he somehow manages to believe that any difficulties that his students may encounter are of their own making. truly amazing. i wonder if he knows about the special circle of hell that's reserved for bad law school professors...

the little things

ok, so it's 11:15pm on a saturday night, and i'm alone in my room studying for my torts final.

BUT, the lakers just got smacked. hard... the final score was 121 to 90. they're not just down. they're out. it was the worst game 7 loss for the lakers since 1970. and the lakers became one of only 8 teams in NBA history to lose a series after being up 3-1. thank you, phoenix suns, for making my day.

and, of course, the spurs advanced to round 2 last night (like we all knew they would). and if things are right with the world, they'll go all the way again.

[isn't this a cute picture of my boys? (except, *what* is robert horry doing in the background there?)]

and soon, i will be laying on the couch in the living room at my parents house, taking full advantage of 4 channels of ESPN.

life is good.

yay!

took my property final today. 2 down, 1 to go.

summer is definitely here. not only is it 78 degrees right now, but the air feels permanently warm -- in the shade and even at night.

also, i think my current obsession is "used to love u" from john legend's album, "get lifted."

oh, and this is my 100th blog entry. woohoo!

exams and me

so i took an exam yesterday. i have one friday, and then one wednesday. and then i'm done with my first year of law school. i really can't believe it. i totally don't even feel like i'm at the end. i'm so not in exam mode. i'm scared of my exams, but i don't have the fear, the determination, the focus, and the adrenaline that i did last semester. i just hope i can push through and do reasonably well. at this rate, i'm not too sure about that last part. but we'll see.

meanwhile, glad someone finally figured out how amazing i am.

seriously though, speaking of my name... i've been reading midnight's children by salman rushdie. i like salman rushdie just fine. i read the satanic verses a few years back, just to see what all the fuss was about. i didn't think he was a fabulous writer, and i also didn't see why that book so controsversial as to cause the ayatollah to issue a death sentence. i really didn't think it was that big a deal. but then again, fanatical theocratic leaders have never been known for logical, sane, or proportionate reactions, now have they?

anyway, when i have the patience to follow his narrative, i find salman rushdie's writing amusing. nothing earth-shattering or anything -- a bit too self-conscious and self-righteous for my tastes. but still, i like it, and it's been a nice escape from school to read for half an hour every few days. the interesting thing is that midnight's children is the first time i've encountered a character with my name in any book ever. it's so weird to me. everytime i read my name it looks strange on the page -- especially since it's spelled exactly like i spell my name. i imagine there are plenty of people out there with common names, like john or katherine, who read their names in books all the time. but i never expected to do that. so when i first encountered naseem ghani a few pages into the book, i was definitely caught off guard. of course, she's vastly different from me in many many ways. but some people would say there are few striking resemblances:

"naseem... unleashed a basilisk glare which was already becoming a legend. hands clasped in her lap, a muslin dupatta wounder miser-tight around her head, she pierced her visitors with lidless eyes and stared them down. their voices turned to stone; their hearts froze; and alone in a room with strange men, [naseem] sat in triumph, surrounded by downcast eyes."
p.43

i've heard about my look of death more than once. maybe i'm not the only naseem who has one...