like a fish needs a bicycle...

life update

so life is good. much better than it's been in a long time. and for that, i'm very grateful.

*health.* i got some rest over winter break (not much, but some). i also went to acupuncture over the break, and i think it really helped -- i feel like it went a long way toward ridding me of my perpetual fatigue. and i saw my family, which is always therapeutic -- and also somewhat maddening at times. such is the nature of family, or my family anyway. :) and this semester, i'm still ridiculously busy and i have a ton to do, but i'm more or less setting my own hours... so i'm actually getting plenty of sleep. it's glorious. SO... i'm not quite 100% or feeling like my old self again yet, but i'm much better. and i'm very grateful to God and very happy about that.

*school.* so i'm doing much research, much writing, much editing, much task mastering. and, as usual, i'm way over-committed in terms of extra-curriculars... i'm planning events, playing basketball, and dancing way too much. but i only have one actual class (!), and i'm also really enjoying the work i'm doing for clinic and directed research and moot court and everything. how fabulous is that? and i never have to be at school before 11am. which means i don't have to leave to get on the train til 10. which means that i don't have to stuff myself and my 479 pound backpack onto a train with 78 million cranky people in morning rush hour. which means i also don't have to die of heat exhaustion as a result of being crammed in with 78 million cranky people who are all bundled up and wearing coats (myself included). which means i don't have to hate commuting with such a burning, fiery passion anymore. which means i'm a much happier person.

*married life.* so i dunno if this is quite the poetic musing that everyone's been waiting for but... yes, married life is very nice. i highly recommend it. it probably helps that i have the best husband in the world. ok, to be fair, maybe not the best, but definitely in the top 5 at least. (for your FYI: that concession is a shout-out to aaron, since he once told me, in response to my theoretical digressions on star trek, that i was one of the 4 coolest wives in the world -- he had to make allowances for alissa, of course, and also lacey and mojan).

anyway, it's nice. in some ways, it's very simple, and it seems almost surpising that people mystify it and idealize it and romanticize it so much -- on a very basic level, it's just living with another person and getting used to being life-long roommates. in other ways, it's a very deep connection that's hard to quantify and qualify. it's just a completely different type of relationship than any i've ever had, and it can be very comforting and very exciting and just very good.

also, one thing i've learned is that marriage does makes your life easier in some ways, but it can also make your life harder in some ways. and it's good to keep that in mind. it can be hard to adjust to that kind of complimentarity and shared space and time... so it's important to be patient -- with yourself and your spouse -- and to not blow things out of proportion. perspective really helps, and effort is often required. like my mom always says, "marriage is a work in progress."

one good piece of advice i've gotten on this topic recently is that you should never confuse logistical or external difficulties with marriage difficulties -- a lot happens to you from the outside, and it has nothing to do with your marital relationship. so even though you can always go to each other with your problems and pray and consult and come up with solutions together, you have to try not to import the negative or difficult stuff that is bothering you into your relationship with your spouse, or to mistakenly believe that your outside stress (from school or work, for example) is caused by your marriage or by your relationship with your spouse. so that's a lesson that i think is really important and i'm trying to internalize it.

there's so much to learn about ourselves and about our spouses, and i find it to be a very interesting journey. and it's a lot of fun. i think it's great to be young and married with no kids in new york city. it's a good time. and it's another thing i recommend. :)

...sometimes i'm still shocked that i'm married. sometimes i'm shocked at how natural it feels. sometimes i'm appalled at how apt a description of my life kelly clarkson's "miss independent" is.

but, yeah, marriage is good. i'm happy. i'm grateful.

so that's where i'm at. if i owe you an email or a phone call, hopefully this will redeem me a bit. :) and i still promise to email and/or call you.

Posted by naseem at February 8, 2007 06:05 PM