May 17, 2006
going public
right. so. you've heard the rumors. or maybe you're not persian, so you haven't heard the rumors. either way, they're true. it's true. i'm engaged.
for those of you saps who are wondering how it happened (complete with illustrations)...
greg flew into NYC and surprised me on our one year anniversary -- february 2nd. he conspired with my fabulous roommate, sarah (sneaky greg and sneaky rooms working together pretty much means naseem is clueless).
when i came home that night, completely unaware, everything was dark and my room was covered in candles and roses.
and then greg came up behind me and freaked me out. (i startle easily, as many of you may know.) and then he gave me this really beautiful necklace that he had designed and had made for me as an engagment present.
and then he asked me to marry him. you can guess what i said by referring back to that "i'm engaged" declaration above. what you may not know is that i actually said yes about 17 times.
...so, yeah, that's the story (complete with pictures). and yeah, we've actually been engaged for 3 months exactly. we got consent from our parents on february 17, which means it was official on that day. so now you may be wondering why you didn't know until now. the reason is that it was kind of on the low. why, you ask? well, it's really emotionally exhausting to embark on the process of getting married, especially when you come from a large,crazy, persian Bahá'í family, and *especially* when you're in law school -- this exhaustion is infinitely compounded when you have to explain everything to inquiring minds all the time. actually, before i address that last point, here's a word to the wise:
don't be engaged and be in your first year of law school at the same time. it is not a good idea at all. i recommend not doing it.
and, for your FYI, here's another piece of wisdom. if you can help it, try to avoid the following scenario:
you live in one city, where you attend law school, your fiance lives halfway across the country, your wedding venue is halfway across the country from both of you, you're going halfway across the world for two months prior to your wedding, and you come from a large, crazy family that can easily generate a guest list of 800-1000 people. (can you even imagine what madness we would be dealing with if i were marrying another persian?)
i don't know who those women are who dream about planning their weddings from childhood, or who actually enjoy planning their weddings while they're doing it, but i'm definitely not one of them. and i think they might be very strange people. *maybe* if my fiance and i lived in the same city and we were getting married in that city, i wasn't in school but instead had a 9-5 job that i didn't take home with me, and i had an unlimited budget, planning a wedding might be much more enjoyable. but still, i think the logistics would drive me crazy -- and i'm one of the most organized, detail-oriented people i know.
SO, all that said, i only told a few close friends when we got engaged. wedding planning can be extremely frustrating, and (this brings me to that last point about inquiring minds) justifying one's wedding planning can be even more frustrating than planning the wedding itself. every time i've had to explain to someone what was going on with the wedding, my summer plans to go to india, our plans after marriage, etc., i could expect a barrage of questions including, but not limited to, the following:
* "what do you mean you don't want an engagement ring?"
* "how can you not wear a white dress?"
* "you're not going to do traditional ceremony seating and walk down an aisle?"
* "why are you going abroad before your wedding?"
of course, i would usually respond with:
* "it's not 1858 in england, i'm not property, i hate rings, and diamonds enslave african children"
* "white dresses no longer indicate anything about bridal purity, and i don't want to blend into the undifferentiated mass of drone-like white-dressed women"
* "since when do Bahá'ís have to conform to meaningless rituals?"
* "do i even know you?"
it's amazing the kinds of traditional notions people hold -- you really have no idea until you get married and your family and friends start being appalled that you're an individual. last time i checked, i get to wear whatever the hell i want at my own wedding. but whatev... all that stuff is details. we all know the marriage is more important than the wedding. that's what i've been trying to remember from the beginning. i think too many people focus on the wedding and forget to prepare for the marriage. we've been trying to not do that. mostly because it seems that if the marriage is good, the rest will usually work itself out somehow. (or at least that's what i keep telling the control freak inside of me).
anyway, it's all been crazy. it's still crazy. and it's exciting. and unknown. and new. and scary. but it's good. and i think we're going to be very happy.
...so now you all know. i've found myself a bicycle. i daresay i'll like having it around...
Posted by naseem at May 17, 2006 06:17 PMMy cousin found herself in a weird, stressful, wedding situation a couple years ago. She and her hubby are both military. He got orders to go overseas which threw out their first wedding plans. So they had a rushed one just before he left. Later they had a vow renewal on their 1 year anniversary.
Its your day. Take hold of it. Make it what you wish. However, don't try and make it the perfect event. As long as you are surrounded by people who love you, all that other stuff is just details. So it might help to use detachment and not worry about details that really are not going to make you happy or sad which way they go.
Posted by: ez at May 17, 2006 09:48 PMWOOOOO HOOOOO! It's public!
Nas, I laughed out loud at the part about 1858. I think I woke up my roommate. ;) That entire question-and-answer session is a riot.
And YES, it's your day! Do exactly as you like.
HOORAY FOR THE GREGCYCLE!
Posted by: george at May 17, 2006 11:01 PMYAAAAAAAYYYY!
And I love both of you, this is beautiful. I'm here for you, sister, and I won't tell you to do anything. Unless you ask me for my opinion, of course. :)
Posted by: lacey at May 17, 2006 11:27 PMrock on. i feel EXACTLY the same way about the rings and dress and isle things... when we say something about being progressive, we mean it in every sense of the word.
loving you...
Posted by: mia at May 17, 2006 11:36 PMIt's true Nas, the marriage is the important part. And seriously, whole heartedly, be as selfish as you want. The times I was trying to be un-selfish in my wedding planning (except ofcourse for the grooms wishes) was when I got myself in trouble.
I was totally non-traditional thinking in the dress and ceremony - but the more Shawn and I talked the more traditional it became - more than either of us thought it would. So, really whats important is making sure its what the two of you come to on your own, no matter how others see it.
Aaaaah, I'm so happy for you.
And I'm proud to know someone with such a bold and crazy busy life full of important stepping stones to a beautiful future.
Felicitations! (I got tired of saying congratulations to people. All you folks getting married. haha.)
So happy for you both.
Posted by: Sholeh at May 18, 2006 08:31 AMcongrats!!
gorgeous necklace by the way! i love the idea too...keeps it closer to your heart.
Oh Nas, i am sooooo very happy for you and Greg. You are both such amazing individuals and you make such a wonderful couple. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness... This was such a sweet and loving post. I hope that you have a wonderful time in India and I can’t wait to see you when you get back. I’ll add to the multilingual congratulations, Mazel Tov!
Posted by: Alissa at May 18, 2006 08:56 AMCONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does this mean Greg gets to wear a white dress? He was quite fetching the last time I saw him in a dress.
Posted by: Aaron at May 18, 2006 09:56 AMHaha! This is by far the best ever blog entry announcing a wedding that I've ever read. I, like George, laughed out loud at the "question and answer" session. Hilarious.
And George: "Gregcycle"!? That's too good. Too, too good. hahaha
Posted by: Andrew at May 18, 2006 10:09 PMI'm so happy for you guys. The difficulties you face now will make the sweet savory moments to come all the more rich.
I also startle easy.. sometimes I really scream from it.
I used to not be this way, but I became this way after working midnights. I think it somehow did something to my nerves, almost like a slow version of shell shock.. I wish I could get rid of it. It's very annoying.
Posted by: mykgerard at May 18, 2006 11:42 PMYay! You two are going to be a beautiful, amazing couple. I am so happy for you!
Posted by: +mojan. at May 19, 2006 09:13 AMCongratulations Naseem! That's wonderful news.
Posted by: Mouzhan at May 19, 2006 11:28 AMThat weekend's secret operation was conducted under the code name "Project Bicycle." Sending cryptic secret agent emails and SMS messages is very amusing. If you haven't conspired to suprise you S.O., I highly recommend it.
Posted by: greg at May 19, 2006 12:03 PMYay for Naseem and Greg! I am so happy for the both of you! I whole heartedly wish I was able attend the wedding, but I'll definetly be there in spirit.
Posted by: Javad at May 21, 2006 03:12 AMHAH! Aaron, thats RIGHT! We do have photographic evidence. Nas, that is your solution to people bugging you about the white dress thing. Just pull out the photos of Greg in a wedding dress and say that you just couldn't compete with him.
:-)
Posted by: Sholeh at May 22, 2006 10:11 AMCongrats Nas...on going public. What's the share price? Wow, if you guys where a stock I would invest... a sure thing. Except, I doubt you'd make much of a dividend. About this being everyone wedding nightmare. Come on? Where you not here when our wedding venue got hit Hurricane Ivan 5 weeks (and waas totally destoryed) before the wedding, we had to re-do the invitations by hand (since too late to reprint), and various family members died and other immediate family members got cancer as it got closer to wedding time? Had to re-plan the whole thing in 5 wks. Oh yeah don't forget the wedding seamstress hired made me a wedding bikini by cutting the dress top about a foot too short and had to redo the whole dress...2 weeks before the wedding. Well, in the end all the matters is marrying a wonderful person. I feel blessed that you two found each other.
Posted by: artemis at May 27, 2006 02:39 AMSuper late in reading this and commenting, but that doesn't mean it's not heartfelt - congratulations!!!
Posted by: shokufeh at May 27, 2006 11:34 PMFelicidades! Senor Greg es una bicicleta muy buena.
Posted by: edward at June 3, 2006 11:53 AM