August 03, 2005
baker's chocolate
*so* *bitter* *sweet*
i can't take it. i'm collapsing under the weight of my own nostalgia.
in 2 days, lacey will be married.
(pictures of her fantabulous bridal shower up here - also see mojan and lacey on this one)
in 4 days, i will be on my way back to texas.
in 23 days, i will be on my way to new york city.
i can't believe i'm leaving chicago. i can't believe another year of my life has gone by. i can't believe that i'm picking up and leaving everything i know and everything i love to go to a radically different place and do radically different things--for the second time in one year.
this is rough.
i'm excited about law school (and somewhat scared), but i'm also so incredibly sad to leave chicago. this year has been such a blessing--i've learned and gained so much... i know i haven't changed really, but i'm definitely not the same person i was a year ago. i'm forever better for having been here. i know it's time to move on, and i believe in moving on in life. change is a reality to be accepted and embraced. it's never good to prolong things or to artificially draw things out past their natural cycles--that makes them lose their sweetness. i've always enjoyed each stage of life, said goodbye to it at its completion, and then moved on to the next stage with anticipation and eagerness. that's how i believe it should be.
so now, i find myself in yet another transitional period (as if i haven't been in a state of transition and flux for this whole past year). this cycle of my life is complete and it's time to move into the next. and yet... i don't know how to make my peace and say goodbye.
it's so much change at once. yet another one of my best friends getting married, me changing locations, me starting law school, me leaving my friends, my service at the bahai national center, my proximity to the house of worship, and my significant other. that last one is hard for me to say in the blogosphere, seeing as how i've spent the great majority of my life being so anti-boy, and it's hard to talk about how integral a part of my life this one particular boy has become, especially when this move is about my education and my career, and boys were always supposed to pale in comparison when it came to the importance of my future. but as i count the days down, i realize how incredibly difficult it's going to be for us to be apart, and that reality seems to be quite the relevant feature of this whole process... hence, worth mentioning.
like i said, this is rough.
today was my last day of work. the 3 members of the secretariat of the national spiritual assembly of the bahais of the united states, our national bahai institution, called me in, sat me down, praised me to no end, thanked me for my service, assured me of their every confidence in the success of my academic and professional career, and told me that they are happy to have me as friend. wow. then they gave me a prayer book and a card signed by the entire national spiritual assembly. i totally cried. it was really just too much.
so, as i attempt (in vain) to deal with all this, i'll just do what i do well... look at pictures. here's a long-overdue montage from the last 6 months or so of my life. should be a nice record of some of my happy happy times, most of them in chicago... enjoy.
Nas, I don't know what to say. Is it strange that I'm going to miss your presence in Chicago and I don't even live there?
I just want to say I love this post. You've succeeded in making me nostalgic. I praise your ability to mention your S.O. especially since I can sense how important he's become to you, and I know how "anti-boy" you were. Ha!
Thanks for the pirate pic, that made my day. I'll see you this weekend (maybe today if you're LUCKY!) and I look forward to visiting you in NEW YORK!
Posted by: george at August 4, 2005 06:11 AMI had very mixed emotions yesterday I have to admit. I was totally feeling your nostalgia/bittersweet feelings...I don't know if they were my own, yours, both? I'm going to miss you here so much and it will be so hard to say goodbye to you at the wedding. What am I going to do without my nas? I feel like space-time may just rip apart....
Posted by: Lacey at August 4, 2005 11:15 AMAhhh for cryin out loud Nas... almost literally. And I'm reading this while at work... theres no crying in medical management! To say you write and express yourself well is an understatement I dont even want to approach. I feel as if I'm there in the office with you and the institution you served and grew under the guidance of, I feel as if I'm there re-living my last few days. I suppose I can atleast tell you the feeling wont fade. And I just dont know if I've ever really gotten this truly sappy in a comment.
I'm so so excited that you'll only be a few hours away from me soon. I'm so so excited to see everyone this weekend and after this post am hoping I dont cry just on contact.
i simply adore you, my love - my sistah. and that will ever be...
Posted by: delara at August 5, 2005 04:03 AMMan. I must echo George's sentiment. I don't know how Chicago will be "Chicago" with you. And no, I haven't lived there for the past year. It's been mentioned before, but I'll say it again: it seems that we managed to forge an indisoluable bond built upon nothing more than a shared desk and a smattering of shared experiences (NEBY, my spring break, etc). I look forward to seeing you this weekend, in New York (I'd love to get out there sometime) and in Chicago (you know you're coming back. ha!) Thanks for everything, especially the "white boy" jokes.
Posted by: Andrew at August 5, 2005 03:34 PMMmmm....that was so beautiful. I totally regret not getting to know you better when I had the chance. I was so touched that night you called me to hang out, and I've thought about it several times after. It meant so much to me to have such an incredible woman taking an interest in me. Much much much love. And thanks. :)
Posted by: mia at August 5, 2005 05:31 PMWhen I met you for the first time that you are fully of a good energy, the overwhelming impression I came away from the experience is you are full of a good energy. I don't get that impression from many people. Lacey is a good example of someone you know.
Being in Chi-town this weekend, it was amazing to see so many people who provide it. Your presence has been a boone to everyone you know. Whether your friends, the NSA, or even the strangers you touch for just a weekend.
All I can say is: Place as much trust in yourself as others have in you. You have earned it from them.
Posted by: ez at August 7, 2005 10:30 PMHey! It was great to finally meet the famous Naseem that Lacey face talks about so often. I enjoyed the "girly time" that we got to spend together, although it was really short.
Just wanted to let you know that I posted pictures from the wedding on flickr under the user "laceyandmyk." There's some shots of your entire crew in there.
Take care, and best of luck at NYU!
Posted by: Sania at August 8, 2005 07:22 PM