meisa's lagoon

well, these last few weeks have been a blur of stress. last few months actually. khalid writing his thesis and defending, me finding a job, finding a place to live, me writing my thesis and defending, packing up our lives, saying goodbye to everyone and leaving town. i haven't had a spare minute to do anything, and now i have all the time in the world with nothing to do.
our last two weeks in town were pretty bittersweet. it's hard to beat the feeling of finishing grad school - packing up my stuff, passing on the random chemistry good luck charms i've collected, giving away my lab space and projects - all wonderful feelings. wonderful, but strange. i spent the last five years making a ton of molecules. i've scraped away at flasks and saved even milligram amounts of things, they were so precious. and then i found myself simply putting them in the waste...i was the only one who found them special. no one else even cares about them - there was no reason to save them.
so while it was so wonderful to finish my work at northwestern, it was the extreme opposite to say my goodbyes to the people i love out there. after they took our stuff away, we spent the last week with andrea and lived together one last time before heading our separate ways. saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. i know we will be friends forever, but i also know that it will never be the same again.
our house here is beautiful...i really do love it. so spacious and really cute. i only wish we had someone to show it to. as much as i like it, i'm having a hard time appreciating it - i'm just so sad. i don't want to be here...i don't know anyone, i don't know anything about this place, and it's so far from everyone i love. i just want to go home - but i don't even really know where home is.
i suppose everyone moves on and finds some sort of happiness where ever they go. i have a lot to be thankful for, but i think it's going to take a little while to stop being sad about the life i said goodbye to.