meisa's lagoon

i've spent a great deal of time by myself these last two weeks and there's a lot of both good and bad in that. sometimes being alone is like a reward, like a giant sigh of relief in not having to talk to or deal with anyone else. and then there are times when you get so depressed over having to eat dinner by yourself yet again, and would do anything just to be around others. for me, it's hard to tell which of these moods i'll be in. usually, i try to embrace my time alone. sunday was gorgeous here in chicago, and after spending a few hours at work, i thought to myself that i would really like to go for a walk down by the lake. but because i had no one to walk with, i headed sadly instead, back to my car. i opened my car door and just stared inside. after a few moments, i thought to myself, "no! just because no one else is here, doesn't mean you can't enjoy this rare 60 degree winter day in chicago" and instead, i wandered down the lake path for awhile and enjoyed the day and time to myself.
but for me, there's danger in spending too much time alone. i tend to turn into a bit of a hermit and start to view other people as invaders of my space (space invaders, hah!). i go back and forth from nites spent home alone where i wish and wish that andrea would come home soon, to evenings where she comes home and i become incredibly grumpy that an outsider has invaded my meisa time, which is what happened last nite. i wondered this morning why she didn't know me well enough by now to understand that i wasn't grumpy with her, but just because i'd reverted into my hermit self. but then i realized that this is really not her fault at all. i'm so unpredictable when it comes to this alone time that she really just has no way of knowing.
we'll see how things go tonite. i've been around people all day, so hopefully i won't let my hermit side show.