meisa's lagoon

as a synthetic chemist, maybe my calling in life is to make a deodorant that will satisfy all my needs, cause there certainly isn't anything on the market right now that does.
first i started off with a deodorant only. i'd heard that antiperspirant does bad things to your body since it stops you from sweating, so i looked at the store for a non-antiperspirant (a perspirant, if you will). shockingly, there are only a few on the market. after using the lady speed stick for a couple years, i gave up. it is no longer shocking to me that there are only a few. they suck.
next, at my roommate's suggestion, i went for the dove invisible solid, powder fresh. you would think INVISIBLE solid would imply that you can't see it. so why was it that everytime i wore a black shirt, i would get white powdery flakes on my clothes? this is not invisible. the plus was that i did not sweat and my armpits felt pretty dry. we're getting somewhere.
at my last trip to the store, i decided that i would find a clear gel antiperspirant/deodorant. this would theoretically solve the problem of white powder on my dark clothes. and yes, it did, but instead, unless i hold my arms straight out for 5-10 minutes, i get clear goo on my clothes. and it feels wet. seems that an antiperspirant is supposed to stop you from feeling wet. no good either. i should have known when the container said peach shimmer. who wants to shimmer in their armpits?
so unless someone out there has a good suggestion, i'm going to have to give up all my projects in the lab and start working on something. anyone willing to be a test subject?