meisa's lagoon

sometimes i find myself struggling with what to write in here...what you share, who reads what, what you don't want some people knowing. i seem to run the spectrum from family to friends to ex-boyfriends. people from my life here, people from my life back home, people i've known since i was born, and then people i don't know at all. there's a fine line to tiptoe about how cryptic you are where some people understand and others just think you are weird.
i think my problem comes these days in particular. maybe most of you know this by now, i think most of you do anyway, but a couple of months ago, i broke up with my fiance. so i find myself wanting to write about that quite a bit because the whole story is very much real and still alive, but a lot of me doesn't want to trivialize the whole thing by blogging about it. but then again, i would say i take this quite seriously, so maybe it's not trivial at all. but i think broadcasting on the internet automatically trivializes things, no matter how seriously i take them.
and then there are the alternate times when i don't want to write about my past but want to write about my present. but if he reads this, will he be hurt when i talk about having fun or moving on? or maybe the fact that i have been ignoring that part of my life on my blog has been enough to hurt him, that i can talk about silly things like election signs or painting my room and not focus on the real issues going on. who knows?
i have yet to spread the news to much of my family and most of my family friends. maybe it becomes more real then and i'm afraid of admitting to that.
anyway, i think that's a lot of the reason i've been having trouble blogging recently. maybe this will cause me to be more open. or maybe i'll still struggle about what i want to share. i think the latter will be the case more often than not.
but still, i blog on.