meisa's lagoon

i used to think i would live in a house. a house with a big yard, maybe a hammock out back, tulips and daffodils that i planted myself, a porch with spindles i made myself, and twinkle lites decorating the trees for no reason other than i love twinkle lites. i used to imagine myself being a domestic goddess in this house of mine. baking the apple pie in the fall, from apples that i picked at the local orchard; hosting dinner parties where i made fancy appetizers and had place cards decorating the dinner table which i made myself (the place cards, not the table); sewing all the window treatments for every room; creating elaborate decorations and food to go with them for every holiday that passed my way. i imagined that not only would i have time and energy for all these things, but i would also give my all to my job as a chemistry professor, open up an artsy fartsy, crafty kind of shop which i would stock with things i made myself, and with all this, be a full time wife and eventually mother.
it's funny how you shift your dreams around as you get older. i remember i used to dream of being an FBI agent, and i think most of you who know me realize that that is the last thing i would ever be. but the dreams i just mentioned i really took seriously. i thought that i had reached my vision of what my adult life would be like, and maybe most of these things i could realistically attain. (alright, maybe i wouldn't pick the apples myself, and maybe i'd never get around to opening that shop, but most everything else...) but i find that i don't know if i want all those things anymore. i' don't think i've fully assessed what my current dreams are. but they certainly aren't all that i just mentioned. how they've changed, i'm not sure. granted, i'll keep those old dreams tucked away, maybe i'll go back to them someday. but for now, i'm still lookin...