Cases of me making horrible, embarassing social mistakes continue. I think my neutrinos are spinning backwards (did anyone else see that episode of DS9? ...see what I mean?! EMBARASSING!). All I can ask is that my apologies be accepted and maybe, maybe we can laugh at me sometime in the distant future for making silly and embarassing (did I mention, embarassing?) statements. So sorry. SO sorry.

Moving on, I'm being taught a lesson about patience. The times in my life where I thought I knew what was best for me and tried to force some kind of conclusion always backfired, so I'm going to accept that as a feasible conclusion. I don't know what's best for me. I'd like to have a few things happen, but I certainly don't know what's best (because I don't know everything, and then there's "chance" and that's just an infinite knot of conclusions that I would rather not contend with). I'm satisfied with trusting God and working hard, working in "a" direction that takes me somewhere and absorbing the good and bad along the way.

Then I get hit with options in life that I think would be REALLY good for me and I know in my gut that I'm forcing the issue (see: dream job, dream man, etc.). Things like that, no matter how bad I want them, never EVER work. Ever. And I'm not disappointed because I know that they probably weren't best for me anyways.

Last night I was reading in the Seven Valleys and the Four Valleys and was reflecting that I've felt parts of many of the "valleys" in my life and at times, I'm able to comprehend what other valleys are meaning. For example, the valley of true poverty and absolute nothingness is in concept, something that makes sense to me...I mean, a true lover of God accepts earthly poverty as his greatest desire because none of it really means anything or matters (this is my belief, don't bother trying to pick it apart).

So in the first "valley," which is the Valley of Search, Baha'u'llah says "The steed of this valley is patience, without patience the wayfarer on this journey will reach nowhere and attain no goal." Interestingly enough, the next valley is the Valley of Love, and of course "the steed of this valley is pain." Baha'u'llah uses the word "steed" which means "horse" to me, or essentially one's vehicle through this "valley" is actually patience or pain, so you actually need it, it's not optional. But mainly, this all means that I have to refocus my vision on my instinct and not what I may forcefully decide for myself.

The worst part is that the part of me that wanted to become a lawyer and is REALLY hard-headed is trying to figure out how to move between the valleys and get what I want at the same time, and that's just stupid (I also had a really mediocre score on the LSAT. REALLY mediocre.). So just let me think until it absolutely sinks in that I can have whatever I want. I can have that job. I can have that guy. I can have those shoes. I can have it, because I want it, and why not? Because it's not in the cards, that's why. I have to be okay with that.

Comments

wow. i love the concept of the steed, and the vehicle through the valley of love being pain. don't want to think too long on that one, though :) it goes against what we're "taught" these days, be it friends, colleagues, the media, whatever.

Our actions are kind of like a bobsled track. When we try and go too far out of the center, gravity takes effect and pulls us back to the bottom. We can rock the boat and perhaps defeat the gravity for a short time but only for a short time and with bad results.

Oh man, this fits nicely into a conversation/post I was brewing last night. I'm reading a biography of Lester Bangs (an idol of mine I suppose) and I came across a money quote about youth and their rising outlets for lack of pain because their lives truly are pain.
However, I'm not one to espouse on books /subjects til I've finished em. Who knows what else I'll get to read/learn, right?

Also, I gotta say Seven Valleys the one and only book I can read over and over and over, it always hits the money when I need it. Mmm, that and the Tablet of the True Seeker.

I read the 'Seven and the Four' like 19 times and I still don't get it. Also...I never took the LSAT...soooooo....but I am proud of you.

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