So, I just really enthusiastically hugged a man whom I mistaked for someone else and he was such a good sport about my obvious madness that he played right along. Oh dear God. That kind of reminds me of the time that I was explaining to a printer about "diuretics" when I was meaning to say "diacriticals." Can I please start over? Okay? Okay.
I would also like to say that boys are dumb (in a WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO THE OBVIOUS THING AND READ MY MIND kind of way). This 3-5 day waiting period between giving contact information and receiving actual contact is clearly bunk. Why is this common practice? Why don't you just call/email like, the day after. I mean, that's when you want to talk to her, that's when she wants to talk to you, why don't you just do that? Wait--maybe you're reading through years of archived blog entries trying to get a step ahead, maybe impress her with her favorite flower (sticks and twigs) or with your fascination with Star Trek/Law & Order reruns and how you honestly believe that popcorn may just be the perfect food. Or maybe you are trying to figure out a way to make fun of me because you know I enjoy a good insult match. I will get you in the end, you know that, right?
Just know: girls can see straight through that act (read: *I* see through that so please don't waste these precious days on etiquette that a man surely made up). I petition that the waiting period be abolished, and men just be forward, sincere and get it done with. Votes?
Posted by Lacey, July 21, 2004 03:06 PM
Comments
count me as an abolitionist as well! it's a stupid, stupid rule.
Posted by: rach on July 21, 2004 03:13 PMi'm with you on that - and a number of other quirky "rules" that seem to pervade the population of men.
Posted by: delara on July 22, 2004 11:29 AMEven though it's been called a rule, I don't know that it's that calculated for all men. I think some men just forget... Their concept of time can be so different than ours!
Posted by: +mojan. on July 22, 2004 11:40 AM
It's not so much that it's a rule (guys who aren't self-confident enough to violate rules aren't worth bothering with). It's more that it's prudent: nobody ever lost by hanging back and being a little diffident at first (but ladies who aren't self-confident enough to think they deserve a guy who REALLY likes them are unfortunately common: "he likes me too much"...). As long as the guy can be positive (and charming) enough to make his interest completely clear, there's no downside to this behavior.
On the other hand, genuine, bona fide ambivalence is the sign of a loser: God only put us on earth for a little while, and we only have a limited chance to love, experience the world and do good, so go ahead and do it already....
Posted by: Dr. Sanders on July 22, 2004 03:31 PMWhy are guys stuck with the job of being the ones to call? Why don't women call guys who don't call first?
Posted by: "Dr." Freelove on July 22, 2004 03:56 PMWell, I don't think that's true. But in some cases it's nice to have the guy make the first move. ESPECIALLY when you don't have their contact info, and they have yours (also strategic).
Posted by: lacey on July 22, 2004 04:56 PMNo, guys are supposed to call. They fit the formal role of aggressors. They are also supposed to seem in control and make women feel safe (yet occasionally, excitingly threatened). It's called "patriarchy."
A decade ago I still thought of this as a load of bunk left over from, oh, I don't know, some forgotten awful time. Then I realized that our ethics change faster than our hearts: most people I know believe in equality while staying emotionally attached to traditional gender roles, at least in some ways.
The trick is to only become those parts of your mom or dad that you *should* become, and leave the bad parts in the past. Tall order.
Posted by: Dr. Sanders on July 22, 2004 05:42 PMOooh, I like Dr. Sanders' comments.
I'd like to raise my hand as a guy who calls the day after. And eschews any and all claim to dating etiquette. I'm going to be honest and straightforward with you, and I appreciate the same.
I just don't understand the two-week about face I get from women in whom I'm truly interested. It's like no, wait, you can't do me in. I'll break you first!
And for the record, I can't read minds. Sorry ladies. You gotta tell me straight up. I don't have the same kind of intuition you have. If that makes me dumb, so be it.
Lace, I thought you might like to know you were in my dream last night. We ran into each other at Brandon Gregg's wedding (!) and danced. It was in a Little Caesar's in a Franklin strip mall. BIZARRE!
And one more thing, in case you hadn't heard. I'm moving to Florida in a few weeks to start a job with NASA at the Cape. You have a new vacation home!
Posted by: george on July 22, 2004 07:21 PMIs this George on here... George that went to PHS too?? It's been a long time fella!
**
I agree with not fitting into the norm of dating etiquitte. I never followed suit either. I thought it was assinine. I would just tell someone how I felt. Yknow, "Oh, by the way, I really dig you. Would you enjoy some art night at the Frist with me?" etc. etc.
I also wrote letters to my now husband for 3 1/2 years. It was very 1944 & romanitc. So far so good (We're hitting 5 years this round!)
~Jeanna
WOW, this is some intriguing conversation. props to lacey for sparking it, as always. so ok...
first, i would like to preface all of this by saying that i'm a girl who's very straightforward about everything--attraction included--and if i'm into a guy, he'll know. in fact, i bet a monkey who was watching would know. so there.
that said, i'm gonna have to go ahead and concur w/ some of dr. sanders' observations about patriarchy. though i'm a feminist all the way, i think that it's nice for men to make the first move... though perhaps my reasons are a bit different. the way i see it, women have been oppressed for thousands of years... and yet, we bear the children, go into space, and still barely make 75 cents to the dollar.
would it be too much to ask for men to just take this one little thing off our hands? make the first move! please? it's in your instincts. and besides, it's good for you! the occasional rejection is probably a much needed reality check for the male ego. and the good news is that you'll actually get rejected WAY less often than you think. most of the time, we're flattered. we want to give it a chance. so send an e-mail, make a phone call, or ask her to dinner. you owe it to your testosterone--and your future.
Posted by: nas on July 24, 2004 07:17 PMNas, you totally rock. :)
Posted by: lacey on July 25, 2004 07:57 PMAs long as they don't pull a "Swingers" episode, it is okay. That scene where he just keeps calling leaving messages is just awful!
Posted by: Elizabeth on July 25, 2004 10:01 PMOf COURSE it is nice for someone else to make the first move. I know women like to get attention and be asked. Just wanted to point that guys would like it as well.
It is all mind games anyway.
Posted by: "Dr." Freelove on July 26, 2004 08:30 AMPost a comment