I've been a bit busy. But now that things are calmer, and I'm realizing a week has passed since I've turned 31, I feel compelled to write.
I found 31 to be more of a milestone than 30. Sure, last year, I was constantly thinking, I'm turning 30 this year. But it didn't really change anything. My thoughts on the matter were focused on those things society tells me the age means. Over the past few weeks, as my 31st birthday approached, I thought a lot about how my life has gone, how I want it to go in the future, where the last 10 years disappeared to.... I'm still working on some answers, but I have reached some conclusions:
I regret that I haven't kept a jounal, of at least the significant milestones in my life. This is particularly bad for someone who has the habit of focusing on negative memories. In the days leading up to my birthday, I tried to review birthdays past. Some negative experiences stuck out, but I came up with some memorable-in-a-good-way birthdays.
1986 (8th grade, New Orleans, LA): Tam and I shared a birthday party, as we were prone to do in those days. Friends came over to her house, and we spent the night singing and dancing on a picnic bench. Okay, maybe not the whole night, but that's my favorite and most prominenet memory of the night.
1987 (9th grade, New Orleans, LA): If I'm not mistaken, the last of my birthday parties shared with Tam. I was at a new school, and was blown away when a trip to the Riverwalk mall turned out to be a surprise party complete with friends made in the past few weeks.
1991 (Freshman year, NYU): I watched my favorite show at the time - Blossom - and was super excited when it opened with Blossom being wished a happy birthday. For those of you hazy on the significance, Shokufeh means Blossom.
1992 (Sophomore year, NYU): I got my upper left ear pierced to mark the day. I still remember my birthday card from my boyfriend at the time - the front alluded to trying a new position, the inside showed a couple watching tv while hanging upside down on the couch. I don't know why it still amuses me. In celebration of several close birthdays, a group of us went to Serendipity.
1995 (Shenyang, China): My friends/students came over and we made jiaozi and talked and laughed and shared and, as we sat there, with our bellies full, my roommate Bill playing his guitar, I experienced a deja vu. Which confirmed for me that I was right where I was supposed to be.
1998 (New Orleans, LA): The city was recovering from a flood, I'd slipped back into school after leaving Peace Corps - The Gambia. I spent the day preparing food and then enjoyed a picnic and Symphony concert in Audubon Park with friends and family.
2001 (Evanston/Chicago, IL): Like probably everyone in the world in the latter half of September 2001, my life was in flux - I'd moved to a new apartment in Rogers Park a few weeks before, the Twin Towers had fallen two weeks before, I was working at the Baha'i National Center while waiting for a public health job to start. Mojan and Kari were insistent that I be celebrated, which I truly appreciate. Kari and Nancy opened their home, friends came over, salad bowl was played, a good time was had.
2002 (Honolulu, HI): My first birthday as a married woman, my first birthday in Hawaii, my first birthday where no one in my state of residence knew it was my birthday. Good part of it - Sam, back in Chicago, emailed me pictures of him presenting a birthday cake to me.
Since seeing Garden State on Sunday, I've been constantly thinking about it. I've been listening to its website while waiting to get the soundtrack. I've perused Zack Braff's blog. (I've never been a fan of Scrubs, but I may start watching it out of appreciation for him.) I replay moments of the movie in my mind. I think about the different things I took away from it, one of which ties in to what I was thinking after reading a recent entry of Andrea's: I need to let go of my self and connect with people more. Who says I shouldn't talk to someone I've never met and with whom I happen to be sharing air? Maybe it will be awkward. Maybe there will be failed attempts. Maybe there will be dirty looks. But won't the magic of connecting with another human being be worth it?
It's so hard to maintain the delicate balance between caring and sinking into the depths of sadness when decapitations have become a regular part of the news. The self-centered silver lining on which I focus is that at least I don't have to answer questions from a four-year-old about such. Do parents these days watch the news? Or do they watch it in the dead of night? How would I explain the craziness when I can't understand it myself? Moms and Dads, I feel for you.
Dear Shokufeh's Mouth,
Please stop eating your lunch. It may taste good to you, but I don't like it. I can't really explain my reasons, I just know that it makes me shudder.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Sincerely,
Shokufeh's Stomach
There is a man who has recently moved to our block. I don't know what he looks like, and only this morning deduced where he lives. But I can tell you a few things about him.
He likes:
He does not care for:
Thanks for your support, guys.
I don't think I've ever been so obsessed with watching the weather reports. Also new: all traffic on the Interstate is headed west, to help people evacuate. Very bizarre to me. Not in a good way. Last I talked to my parents and Anis, they were going to ride it out, though that might change.
I had a bit of a panic earlier when I tried calling my parents and got a strange busy signal. But I finally got through and got reassurance that things are fine. I wish I were there, seeing things in person, rather than gauging what's going on from Internet information. But how lucky I am to live in an age when I can get the latter.
A lunchtime trip to the gym was also helpful. I wonder if I exercised just for the shower afterward - it is muggy out!
Update 9/15:
All is well at the Mojgani homestead. The hurricane has shifted. Anis tried to leave town to perform at a slam, but the driving was so slow that he turned around. I like to think that everyone is enjoying the day off with a game of Parcheesi, and saving up their strength for the post-flooding cleanup.
I've been checking regularly the progress of Ivan. In my lifetime, New Orleans has never had such a threat. Sure, there were times when it looked like a hurricane might hit, or deliver a glancing blow, but it was never such a massive storm system. We've gone through the taping of the windows, the stockpiling of the water, the loss of electricity, the picking up of branches. But I don't ever recall the mayor making the statements that were made today, with such seriousness suggesting that people leave town. My family's never given such consideration to evacuating. I've never contemplated what I would want saved in the event that our life's accumulations were left behind. I've never wondered if New Orleans would even survive a Category 5 hurricane - what if the levees that allow its existence can't withstand the storm surge?
It doesn't make me feel better that here in Hawaii, sitting in the middle of a different ocean, where hurricanes are on a different naming system, my hometown was mentioned on the local news. What I wouldn't do for a word of reassurance from Nash Roberts.
But since I don't have a real bathtub....
Dear Saints Isadore and Alberione,
Please give me the strength to read and sort the more than 1000 emails in my Inbox.
Sincerely,
Shokufeh
Not for me, but for the rest of my family.
For the past few weeks, I've been keeping a secret from my parents and my youngest brother - a visit from Anis. It's been so hard, especially for the past few hours. I called earlier, to confirm that they would be home for dinner, and was happy to find out they would be. And not just for any dinner, Persian food! My brother makes a surprise visit home, and there's Persian food waiting for him. How lucky is that?
I just got a call from the homestead. The surprise was a success. The family was floored to find another member standing at the door.
I wish I were able to give them another such surprise. A drawback of living 4500 miles away.
Too tired, must sleep.
We spent the weekend in San Francisco, Monterey, and Carmel Valley. (Bonding with Meisa, walking miles and miles, enjoying a wedding.) Flew in last night. Stayed up late finishing homework. That's right - I'm a sucker for accounting, and am taking the next level. Sam started to lose steam this afternoon, but the adrenaline of a busy and varied day kept me going. Had a brief spell at home. (Thank goodness for our favorite Thai restaurant and its number programmed into my cellphone.) Then off to Feast, and back home to do more homework. Made my 11:00 deadline for submitting my assignments with 20 minutes to spare.
But as I said before, must sleep. Another busy day ahead.