This morning, I am going for a headcut. No, that's not some cutesy way of saying a haircut. It's my way of saying that, barring some other option he didn't mention last time, the dermatologist will be cutting out chunks of my scalp and forehead. Gross and ugly, in and of itself. But adding an extra level of, "Even if it's not cancerous, it sucks," is the fact that I keloid (again with the verbing). So, not only will I have scars, I'll have big scars. Right where everyone can see them. Not a happy day. Oh, how I hope I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Or keloids out of tiny scars.
I picture myself looking kind of like this.
*Get it? Aren't I punny?
Update: As my cool and collected husband predicted, it wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated. We're ignoring the forehead mole for now. The one on the scalp, near my front hairline, was the source of discussion and pondering - me, the physician I had the appointment with, a resident, a medical student, two nurses. The dermatologist, after hearing my keloid concerns, gave me the option of watching the mole for next few months. (I'm suddenly picturing a more boring version of "The Truman Show.") I was on the fence, since I felt it would prolong the stress. But, after I brought up the possibility of pregnancy a few months from now (possibility - simmer down, guys), he said let's do it today. And now that it's done, and my hair is brushed over the spot, I'm okay. A little grossed by seeing the chunk, complete with hair stubble, in the vial, but okay. Time will tell how bad the keloid will be.
Posted by Shokufeh at October 9, 2007 08:43 AMOh, Shok! I'm so sorry! This is probably a lot less bad than it sounds -- "cutting out chunks of my scalp??? -- but still, hope it goes ok. Lots o' love.
Posted by: +mojan. at October 9, 2007 09:48 AMWhat awful news! I'm thinking of you with hopes that you feel nothing, the visibility isn't at all bothersome, and you can forget the whole thing soon. Sending hopeful and healing thoughts...!
Posted by: Holly at October 9, 2007 10:24 AMI imagined skin grafts and thousands of stitches... I hope you don't keloid too badly. Years ago, I had a mole removed from right inside my cleavage. Let me just say the mole was prettier, but I've used that Mederma scar cream and found that it's actually gotten softer and appears even smaller. I'd bet if I'd started using it years ago, I'd have even better results. Just sayin'. Take care.
Posted by: Elaine at October 9, 2007 02:18 PMI'm hoping everything went well for you yesterday. And windswept, over-the-foreheard bangs are all the rage now, so hopefully you can cover up some of the missing chunks of your scalp. ;)
Posted by: kristi at October 10, 2007 08:58 AMOh, Shokufeh, I'll continue to hold positive thoughts for you in my heart. A few years ago, I had a mole tested on my chest and it turned out to be early-stage melanoma, so was I ever glad they caught it. Unfortunately the diagnosis meant I had to have a chunk of skin taken out of my chest and now I have a bad-ass scar on my collarbone. It was hard to accept at first, but then I had some fun with concocting wild stories for people who asked about how I got the scar (a bar brawl in a Wyoming roadhouse, tussle with a warthog in Kenya).
Posted by: Arin at October 10, 2007 03:58 PMOh dear. I'm glad it wasn't as awful as you'd feared, but still, it's awful enough. Wishing you the best.
Posted by: Sharyn at October 10, 2007 08:07 PMOh my ... I *sure* wish that I hadn't clicked on that link. :shudder:
I am so sorry for what you're going through! It's good to get things like that taken care of. You're a beautiful woman for taking care of yourself. Best wishes with recovering from it!
Posted by: Lisanne at October 11, 2007 02:48 PMOh, and I forgot to say ... a *possibility* of being pregnant in the next few months? WOW!!! That's totally awesome! Yay! :)
Posted by: Lisanne at October 12, 2007 11:09 AM