Shokufeh is... home

Maybe if I write these down, they'll stop clogging my brain

It's likely partially an influence of hormones, but I'm feeling the stress.

Yesterday, we met with a contractor. The house we're trying to buy is gutted (as are many of the houses on the market here these days). Exciting because we get to make it more of what we want. Stressful, because, oh my gosh, there are so many decisions to make. For him to give us an estimate, we need to make decisions about flooring and appliances and fixtures and cabinetry. And we're racing the clock, since we need to get the estimate to get the financing in order by the deadline on our contract with the sellers. Last night, we went to look at appliances. I thought I get overwhelmed by all the toothpaste choices. Doesn't hold a candle to all the fridge choices, especially when I can't easily see why one fridge costs $800 more than another. I go back and forth between stainless steel and white appliances. No black ones for me. I lean towards white cabinetry because I feel it has a timeless quality and I don't want to feel like my kitchen's out of style five years from now. But I don't want a kitchen that's overly white. Then again, stainless steel appliances are more expensive, and are a bit trendy. So now I'm considering mixing up the cabinetry with wood finish and white finish. And then there's the issue of the floor. I lean toward white with blue.

These are the things that Meisa will be involved in this weekend. It wasn't the original plan when she made reservations to come here. But, as I said, we're in a time crunch. And it's good to have another opinion. Especially from someone with a good sense of design. Cousin, I'm sorry I have not yet made up the bed for you or tidied up the house. It is obvious that I have no taarof. But I guess that's because I feel close to you. (Consider yourself lucky: Bahiyyih, who is also like a member of the family, and who sometimes spends the night, was getting shocked in the shower for a while. I was too, but didn't realize what was happening - I just thought my hand was going numb. That's all solved now.)

I'm starting to feel less stressed, just typing about these things. Though there is one more thing that's causing some angst. The boy. MrMan is really struggling with the change in teacher. He sobs every morning as we go down the hall to his classroom. I don't want to be the high-maintenance parent, but I don't know if this change is the right thing for him. Also related to him is that I'm developing a complex that he doesn't like me. I'm his mother, so I know he loves me, but lately he wants nothing to do with me. It's all about "D." The unfortunate thing is that I react. I still take adequate care of him, but I don't make the effort to bond with him because I feel like he doesn't really want to be with me. I think I'm not explaining this very well, and probably come across as a petty mom, but.... I guess it's a combination of not wanting to force him to spend time with me if he doesn't want to, and protecting myself emotionally. I'll have to get it together, if I'm ever going to make it through his teen years.