I'm feeling a little sad. Tomorrow afternoon, Sam, MrMan, and I will be getting in the car and heading to the airport. And then I'll be coming home. Alone. I'm excited for their first father-son trip, and I think it's coming at a perfect time: when MrMan is all about D. But it will be his first time so long away from Mi. (Not a misspelling - a while after he started calling Sam "D," he started calling me "Mi." Who needs first syllables?) And my first time so long away from him.
Our niece, and Sam's Goddaughter, is having her first communion this weekend. We decided it was too expensive for us all to fly to Chicago. So this seemed like a great compromise. One paid ticket, one free toddler on the lap, MrMan getting to see his cousins he hasn't yet met. A weekend of freedom for me. A possible solution to our weaning woes. But now that it's upon me, I'm tearing up.
It's not just the time apart that will be hard, but the idea that tomorrow may be the last time MrMan nurses. Over the past few weeks, we've worked our way to no nursing between his bedtime and around 5:00 am. Which is a huge accomplishment, since it's the nighttime nursing that takes more of a toll on me. For the first week or so, when he would wake up wanting to nurse, we'd take him to the kitchen for a snack instead. But then we realized he was becoming used to eating yogurt and bananas at 1:00 in the morning. So we took on the challenge of enduring his crying. And I endured his tugging, and hittting, and sobbing "No, no, no, no..." while wagging his finger in my face. But I stood my ground, patiently offering him water. Which he usually vehemently declined. And now, we've reached the point where he might ask once in the night, calmly takes my refusal, and then he usually rolls over and goes back to sleep.
So, while, in my heart of hearts, I feel like he'll be okay without me, I'm not sure I'll be okay without him. I don't know what will happen on Monday when we reunite. Maybe he'll lead me over to the couch and want to nurse. Maybe he won't. Okay, now I'm truly crying. So I guess it will be a weekend not just of cabbage leaves in my bra, but tissues in my hand.=\
Posted by Shokufeh at April 26, 2007 07:31 PMOh, Shokufeh, I feel for you. Byrne and I have talked about the day when we'll first take a night away from Harper and it breaks my heart to even think about it. And when I think of weaning on top of that...well, now I'm crying too. For what it's worth, I think it's harder for us moms to be away from our babies than vice versa. He'll have his D., and all those kids to play with, and new places to explore, and when he gets home to you, he'll be so so happy that you're there waiting for him. And I think he'll understand, on some level, how you always will be.
Posted by: Arin at April 26, 2007 10:16 PMOh, Shokufeh, you've got me teary too. I can imagine how you must be feeling. I dread weaning Olivia, eventhough I know she'll still need me in many other ways. Hang in there, girly. You're right, it'll be nice for the guys to bond, and this is a great way to see if it's time to wean.
Posted by: Hannah at April 27, 2007 12:01 AMSuch a hard situation... I think that mom can miss the nursing more than the baby! It's such a great connection and I know that you will miss it, but maybe the actual physical separation will make the emotional aspects of weaning less traumatic.
Posted by: natalie at April 27, 2007 09:41 AMGosh, now I'm sad for you. It's so hard to let them grow up. Camille is really ready to get out of her highchair but I just can't seem to bring myself to buy her a booster seat. Instead I just cram her sweet long legs into the highchair each night!
Posted by: The Princess at April 27, 2007 01:33 PMOh geez. You've got me all weepy too now. Nursing is such an indescribable bond between mom and baby, and when it ends, well, your baby isn't so much a baby anymore, and that's hard to deal with! I'm sure MrMan is having blast right now, and when he comes back home, he will be SO happy to see you, whether he wants to nurse again or not.
Posted by: kristi at April 28, 2007 09:28 PM