Single parenting is not something I can recommend. Even the luxury version, where you don't have to worry about rent, and there are other adults in the house, is hard. Harder than parenthood should be. You have the joys of parenting, but you have them all to yourself. You also have all the pains of parenting all to yourself. I think that both benefit from having a partner with which to share them - the former because it magnifies them, the latter because it minimizes them. For the past five months and one day, I've held on, usually held it together. Over the past month or so, I started to wonder how much longer I could hold on. Most days, it was good. Some days, it was great. But other days, or usually just moments, it became apparent that the thread to which I was holding was wearing out. That I was wearing out. That the days, and nights, of parenting without a partner needed to end soon. I needed a shower. I needed a haircut. I needed a moment to myself. I needed to eat until I was full, not until my son lost his patience. I needed a partner. For the past month, the thread, while wearing out, held fast. It was held by the knowledge that at 6:05 pm today, a plane carrying my husband would land at the New Orleans airport. But, while that plane may have landed, my husband was not on it. He called this morning to say that he'd missed the plane last night and would have to take the same set of flights 24 hours later. So, instead of a day filled with happiness and anticipation, it's been a day filled with crap. And the thread broke. There were a few tears shed by me, though I was too numb to have a good cry and move on. There were more tears shed by MrMan, likely in response to my inattentiveness. There were wardrobe changes several times over, due to vomit and poop. There were violent rings of the doorbell from a neighbor who just needed to know if the mail had come. Yes, but I don't know if it was worth breaking the spell of a verging nap. The dishes are still in the sink. Dinner is unmade. I watered the plants and then it rained. I'm in a foul humour, to say the least.
Posted by Shokufeh at August 2, 2006 06:15 PMI firmly believe doorbells are the enemy of people with babies 8-).
I don't know how you do it...but hang in there - one more day.
Posted by: Annaliese at August 2, 2006 07:45 PMI didn't call today because I didn't want to interrupt your bliss. Awwwwww.
I thought it might amuse you to ponder the fact that the tropical storm/hurricane heading into the Gulf has a certain someone's name and it might head this way on or around the day of our two year aniversary, if said person with the name of the tropical storm and I had not broken up. Weather's revenge.
Posted by: J Sprout at August 3, 2006 01:58 AMMommi-jan,
I am so sorry. I wish I were there to take on a bit of the load. I'm glad,at least, that I refrained from calling. For several hours I've had images of a happy family reunion.
...tomorrow
Mom
Posted by: teri-mom at August 3, 2006 03:34 AMI can only imagine how tough it has been for you over the last few months. Sometimes anticipation pulls us through, but when it doesn’t happen we come apart. Fortunately, today is a new day & I hope he arrives as planned.
Posted by: Freckle Face Girl at August 3, 2006 07:53 AMHang in there girlie!! I know its hard when you have been waiting and waiting and dammit all if something doesnt put a rock in the road! Imagine how sweet that shower is going to be!!!!! Hang in there!
Posted by: Jessica at August 3, 2006 09:51 AMOh, Shokufeh, I'm so sorry. I seriously, after only a few weeks apart from Myk, am in awe and admiration of the strength of your "thread." Hang in there, sister. Only a few more hours....
Posted by: lacey at August 3, 2006 10:04 AMoh shokufeh, i'm so sorry. i'll be thinking about you at 6:05 your time today. lots of love your way.
Posted by: meisa at August 3, 2006 11:37 AMI can't even begin to understand what you're going through, but I sure can sympathize -- it sounds exhausting. I imagine that my patience would be wearing thin, too.
...I mean, dang, I snap at people if I don't get 8 hours of sleep! (I am so, so, SO afraid of becoming a mom. Everyone will have to put up with my sleepless wrath.)
Posted by: +mojan. at August 3, 2006 03:29 PMI know the pain of being a single parent. I hope that your partner will come home this second attempt and that you will feel your load lighten :) Hang in their girlie!
Posted by: Linda at August 3, 2006 04:37 PMOh this just stinks.
I am so sorry Shokufeh.
I'll be thinking of you and lifting you up. Tomorrow will hopefully come quickly for you.
Posted by: Emily at August 3, 2006 07:57 PMOh wow, that brings it all back...to the days of single parenting when the little man was wee. It was a good three years of that, but I just kept going because there was no other option. If I'd known I was going to have a date to look forward to (having the now husband join our little family happened so organically, not at all planned) the anticipation would have been almost too much to bear. This is old news now, but I'm glad Sam has safely rejoined your unit :-)
Posted by: Sharyn at August 7, 2006 08:39 PM