Every night, before I sleep, I pray for those I’ve known who are no longer in this world.
O my God! O Thou forgiver of sins, bestower of gifts, dispeller of afflictions!
Verily, I beseech Thee to forgive the sins of such as have abandoned the physical garment and have ascended to the spiritual world.
O my Lord! Purify them from trespasses, dispel their sorrows, and change their darkness into light. Cause them to enter the garden of happiness, cleanse them with the most pure water, and grant them to behold Thy splendors on the loftiest mount.
(`Abdu'l-Bahá)
As I’ve grown older, the list has grown longer. I guess it makes sense that the older you get, the more dead people you know. But many of these people, for the progress of whose souls I pray, did not die of old age. They’ve died of cancer of various kinds, AIDS, other medical conditions, violence…. I feel sad that those who loved them most no longer have a physical connection to them.
I used to feel sad that the list keeps getting longer. But then I realized that part of the reason the list keeps getting longer is because I’m part of a huge family. I count in that family not just those with whom I’m connected by blood or marriage, but those who’ve been a part of my life for whatever reason. I’m thankful for all the connections I have to people, the small-town character of New Orleans (I can never go home without running into someone I’ve known for 20+ years), the community my parents built for me beyond our family. I’m happy that I’ve had a life rich enough to care about a person who worked in our elementary after-school program, my mother’s coworker, a person a year behind me in high school, our travel agent, the mother of a friend….
With each connection you make, you run the risk of losing a piece of your heart. But it strikes me as something that has capacity for infinitesimal expansion. If you’re willing to let it scatter and grow.
that's a lovely thought.
Posted by: Daniella at April 8, 2005 06:45 PM