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Ten years ago this week

Ten years ago this week - probably today - my college career came to a close. As is often the case, I tried to cram too much in to that last day - turning in a paper, shipping boxes, moving out of the dorm, saying goodbye to New York…. It seems I still haven't learned.

What I remember of that day is… being at the computer lab really early in the morning - that was when a computer in the dorm room was the exception, not the rule… not knowing how to change the font (I'm even embarrassed typing that)… or maybe it was finally figuring out how to change the font? (just in time for my last paper, on animal archaeology)… saying goodbye to the people I'd worked for/with since my first week of college… running to the post office down the street, pushing a big gray cart full of my stuff, wearing my black Calvin Klein jeans and black Nine West heeled loafers (my brother remembers desserts, I remember clothes)… the mild weather… crying when I couldn't find the building manager to turn in my key… crying as I thanked the guard for keeping me safe the past few years… panicking as I realized that I couldn't move all my stuff out the front door in one trip… deciding that if my boom box were stolen from Fifth Avenue as I went in for another load, I would just have to deal with it… getting in a taxi only an hour before my flight… crying as I said goodbye to The City… feeling relief at knowing that it wasn't a final goodbye, as I would be coming back in May for graduation… getting out of the cab with less than half an hour until takeoff… jumping people in line so that I could check in and make my flight… trying to run through the airport while hindered with about five bags dragging behind me… showing up at the gate with the five bags and saying, "I have too many carry-ons. What do I do?"… briefly thinking about all the things, including my passport, that were in the bags, which closed by hooks or drawstrings, but then being too tired to care as I handed them to the gate agent to be checked in… being amazed that everything, including the felt shoe of my Madeleine doll (and the passport), made it to New Orleans….

As I think back on the last ten years, I can't help but think that none of it was fathomed by the me-of-ten-years-ago-this-week. She hoped to soon serve at the Baha'i World Centre in Haifa, Israel. In the interim, her only plans were to leave in a couple of days for a youth conference in Phoenix, and in a couple of weeks for Costa Rica with her scholars' group. She had never given serious consideration to living in China. She thought she wasn't qualified to apply to the Peace Corps and couldn’t imagine entering, much less leaving, it. She'd never thought about going to public health school, or going to school in her hometown. I think she thought that if she went to school again, it would be for a PhD in anthropology, hopefully at Emory. She was content with not having taken a single math class in college, and had never heard of an epidemiologist. She likely thought that things would work out with her boyfriend and didn't imagine that she'd finally call it quits within a month. She expected to be married and a mother by 25. She couldn't imagine eating any kind of animal again, yet she'd be having a flesh throw-down in seven or eight months. She didn't anticipate all the fun that she would have and the friends that she would make over the next few years, in various settings. Chicago was a cold and dirty place in her mind and she'd never considered living there. She'd never fallen for an all-round nice guy. She'd shown no interest in Hawaii. She would have run away from an accounting class, never imagining that she would one day intently read Fortune magazine as she walked home.

Sam and I were recently talking about how good my life has been. How things just work out for me. I think part of that is that, when it comes to the big things, I'm willing to take the plunge, even if it's not quite what I'd anticipated. (I think the other part is that God knows my limitations and doesn't test me beyond them.) I tend to be inflexible with the little things. But if it's major, I view the unexpected as an opportunity. So the past ten years were in no way fathomed by the me-of-ten-years-ago-this-week, but they've been a great ten years.

Pay attention to this, Shokufeh, when you think things are not going according to plan.

Posted by Shokufeh at December 22, 2004 10:15 PM