Marriage is usually a series of taking turns in getting what you want. I think that's different from a compromise, in which you meet a middle ground, neither of you getting all of what you want. The exception to this in our marriage is in the arena of fabric softener. I know, mundane. But it's the mundane that you deal with daily.
Before we got married, I always enjoyed the feel and scent of Sam's clothes. He attributed it to fabric softener, something that was an integral part of the laundry process in his house. Fabric softener was not a part of the laundry process in our house. Smelling him kind of made me want to use it, but I figured the scent would seem more special on him if I didn't use it myself.
But then we got married, and I tried to integrate fabric softener into the laundry process. I usually forgot to throw in a softner sheet. I got better at remembering, but then I discovered that, for me, sleeping on fabric softened sheets was tortuous. Don't get me wrong, they felt good. But the scent made my lungs constrict at night. And then there was the fabric softened towels snafu. I would smell fabric softener on my hands and wash them, and then dry them. Yes, on the scented towels. Talk about frustrating. So, we moved to the unscented fabric softener. Which was a lovely compromise - softness for Sam, without the inconvenience of tight lungs and runny eyes for me.
Until we ran out and the store shelf only had scented fabric softener. I thought that if we just didn't soften the towels or sheets, I'd be fine. I could handle scented, softened clothes. I was wrong. When it comes to fabric softener, compromise, not taking turns, is the way to go.
This morning, unthinking, I put on a shirt and pants that came out of the (scented softener) dryer last night. Sitting here at my desk, I find myself coughing and feeling a bit constricted in my breathing. I can't really do anything about it at this point. But I ran across the street and found unscented softener for the next loads. That scented stuff will have to freshen our garbage can.
Posted by Shokufeh at April 26, 2004 10:34 AMAccording to the folks at Restoration Hardware one shouldn't use fabric softener on towels. It coats the fibers and makes them less absorbent. But I still use it on my towels.
Posted by: Emily at April 26, 2004 05:37 PMThat makes sense.
Posted by: Parviz at April 26, 2004 06:38 PMi've never used it. does it really soften stuff? how?
Posted by: meisa at April 27, 2004 04:05 AMI had heard that, Emily. (Though not from Restoration Hardware.) But I didn't throw that in my reasons for not wanting fabric softener, as I figured Sam might just chalk it up to my anti-softener tendencies, rather than reality.
Meisa, I think that whatever that's embedded in the sheet transfers onto your clothes in a thin film, making it smoother to the touch. I don't know if that's really the way it works, I'm just guessing. Maybe you can read the side of a box and give us a chemist's viewpoint?
Posted by: shokufeh at April 27, 2004 08:21 AMHmm... Joel and I had the same difference in laundry practices when we got married. Now we just use 1/2 dryer sheet, scented, tho' I prefer "un." When we used liquid, our former landlady recommended an occasional wash with 1/2 cup white vinegar to take the coating off. I just decided to go with sheets only. Terribly interedting, I know ;)
Posted by: Juliet at April 27, 2004 08:56 AMWe live in an unsoftened household. Growing up it took my folks a while to figure out just what the heck was wrong with me (well, take your pick...it's a long list) but they finally determined I was allergic to fabric softener. That, and Finesse shampoo or coditioner, would leave me with head to toe hives. *shudder*
Posted by: Sharyn at April 28, 2004 02:56 AMI googled "how fabric softener works" and got this from indiaparenting.com:
"Softeners work by coating the fibers in the fabric so that they don’t mat into hard little bunches. Over time, the softener may build up, making fabrics less absorbent, so you may not want to use it every time you wash."
I used to use it in the U.S., but haven't in China; they don't sell it here. My clothes are not as soft anymore; I don't mind though.
Posted by: Afshin at April 28, 2004 10:45 PM