Toast for Brekkie

When the levee breaks

The sun is setting as the last bands of rain course through the sky overhead. All day long I planned to write about the weekend, the birthday party and wedding and reunions with old friends in Nashville. But I just can't get past these clouds.

This weekend I had a chance to visit my old high school professor Mark Baker as he led a roundtable discussion on Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha. I say professor because this is the man who introduced me to world religion, sparked my interest in theology, really opened my eyes to the greater spiritual world. I'm beginning to think it was not a coincidence that we reconnected yesterday. And perhaps it's not so strange that the concepts discussed in that small gathering would come to the fore as I contemplate the devastation wrought by Katrina.

It used to be that if you lived long enough you were guaranteed to witness disaster firsthand. Natural or manmade, small or large scale it is part of life. One could say Vishnu stepped aside as Shiva cast his eye on the gulf coast, only for Brahma to rebuild anew in the future. The preserved gives way to destruction only to be rebuilt. Taken a step further, the long-protected atman of the Crescent City yielded to the annica of the hurricane and now falls into its current dukkha. If that made absolutely no sense to you there is a place to look for those who seek.

In today's world you don't have to be there. You get to see and feel and think about the large-scale suffering of your fellow human via our vast and instantaneous network of communication. Indeed, the response of this web to events in the not-so-distant past has spurred some to make spurious comparisons between the Katrina and the December 26 tsunami. While there is no denying the suffering and death of people directly involved in both events (and one could argue that without our technology the human toll might have been on par with the tsunami) it is folly to compare a thousand deaths to over three hundred thousand. On the other hand, every life is precious. That said, one could hope that as this conduit grows and matures so to will our unity. But the blade cuts both ways; it is just as easy to spread hate and untruth as it is to reach out to help and love. Besides, the internet is just another manifestation of the physical world; the true nature of reality was discerned long before its provenance.

"I declare to you that within the body you can find the world, and the origin of the world and the end of the world, and the path to all goals." --Shakyamuni Buddha

Perhaps this is why we all feel so uneasy when collective human suffering spikes in magnitude; if there truly is no separation then it is us in that flooding city, it was us in the maw of that wave. Somehow it's easy for people to get caught up mass deaths, all seemingly caused by the same event. It's equally easy to forget the thousands of deaths we are surrounded by at any given moment (and that's just humans). Or that simultaneously we are rejoicing and giving birth. Where is all this rambling headed? I'll defer once again to the Buddha,

"What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman in the midst of this world, where each person is clinging to his piece of debris? What's the proper salutation between people as they pass each other in this flood?"

And answer with Flaming Lips,

"Tell everybody
Waiting
for Superman
That they should try to
Hold on
Best they can
He hasn't dropped them
Forgot them
Or anything
It's just too heavy
for Superman
to lift."

Winged Migration

Merritt Island National Wildlife Refuge is home to over 330 species of birds. But one specimen of the largest and most popular species just completed the final leg of a very long journey to end up back home. She actually rode piggyback on top of an even larger bird, all the way from the California desert to the Florida swamp. More than a few birdwatchers turned out as she came home to roost. The big bird is safe and sound now, waiting for her feathers to be preened in preparation for her next big flight.

Miracle, Tragedy

So I was all set to bask in the afterglow of a sunny Saturday and maybe send a little sunshine your way. It was gonna be great, too, since the punchline would be a small miracle. I planned to describe it all in detail, down to salty sinuses, the face in the sand, the wave-induced head over heels somersault that tore my strapped-on sunglasses from my face. I suppose I still have to dish, since I've already set up for it: five minutes of searching with my feet and legs in the vast, surging opaque surf and I came up with the glasses. Hooray. But it seems so anticlimactic now.

I went to a party tonight at the beach (couldn't get enough, obviously) and just as we were leaving heard a loud, clattering thud. No tires screeching, just the crash. We walked out to see what had happened, as curious humans are wont to do, and found not a harmless auto accident but a serious wreck between a motorcycle and a car. Everyone immediately reached for their cellphones and 911 had about five calls in the span of two seconds. It was around 2am, so there wasn't much traffic on the road. But then a red light turned green down the way, and I had to run out into the street, arms waving, to stop the oncoming traffic literally racing down the boulevard (you know how people drive on Saturday night). I knew any time bike meets car that the outcome is not good, but I saw the helmetless rider stumbling before falling back to the pavement. This was a good sign, at least he could move. The driver of the car was screaming hysterically, running back and forth and crying, repeating that she didn't see him when she pulled out onto the highway. We later gathered that alcohol could have been a factor. It only took about two minutes for the cops to arrive, then another five for the firetrucks and EMTs. I kept stopping cars while several others tended to the rider. It was in the interim I realized that the biker was not alone; his passenger had been catapulted over the car and was out of my immediate sight. As the scene unfolded I was glad that I hadn't gone for a closer look; she too had not been wearing a helmet, and her head trauma was more than a little severe. The details are not something to be shared here, but suffice it to say the CPR the medics performed seemed cursory. After 15 minutes of intermittent compressions they put her into the ambulance and slowly drove away with no lights. The driver of the bike had long since been rushed to the hospital.

I could only pray for a miracle--that her condition was actually better than it looked. In reality we all knew she was dead at the scene.

I try to remain aware of my own mortality every day. But watching someone die drives the point home better than any philosophizing ever could. You have no control over your own end. The life you are living at this very moment had better be the one you want. You had better make yourself content, because today might be your last. I know this. I think about it every day. It's a routine that practically runs in the background, continuously chugging away in my subconscious. Did you make every decision count today? Did you learn from your mistakes? Are you happy? Because tomorrow is not a guarantee. And even if you're planning for it, which is good, remember to enjoy the path. Because the fog of the future refuses to reveal when it's your time.

And for God's sake wear a helmet.

UPDATE -- August 16, 2005 10:30pm

Apperceptions

I've realized a few things of late that I would like put down as much to benefit my own fitful memory as to share for your edification and discussion. It all came to me in a cascade as I sat eating ravioli tonight after three hours of volleyball. We'll perform an experiment next week to see if that same combination brings about any more epiphanies. If so I'll write a book and call it "The VR Path to Enlightenment." You'll think it will be about virtual reality. But it won't.

First up on the docket is gossip. Most of my Baha'i friends would refer to this as backbiting. This is an ongoing discussion between Delara and I and it just so happened that a precipitate crystallized out of the solution tonight. While I struggle just like everyone else to overcome the learned behavior of idle babble, I was relating to her that it's much easier for me to halt retaliation. If Billy says something unflattering about Cassandra, it seems like nothing at all to whisper the juicy news to Dudley. But if Billy speaks ill of me, I've learned to absorb it, destroy it, and breathe it out into the air like so much ash. By absorb I don't mean take to heart; just that the buck stops with me. It may sting a little, but it's important not to retaliate. If there's to be any end to the vicious downward spiral, someone has to stand up and take it, swallow their pride, and just let it go. I guess it's easier for me since I had years of practice with digs in grade school.

It's a tad harder to keep from passing on something about someone else, or to refrain from saying something negative about someone even if it's true. Whereas I can absorb insults with regularity, I still work to keep my mouth shut about other's faults. It's especially difficult when surrounded by others who like to gossip. Sometimes I just want to cover my ears and run away. But that would be strange. People already think I'm weird enough.

While I'm most familiar with Christian and, to a lesser extent, Baha'i writings, I just found a site that encapsulates this concept far better than I ever could. Indeed, it is in itself a small representation of the commonality of all religion. There would be no harm in interpreting the concept as a universal truth given the unified message gleaned from the words of so many traditions. In a phrase: turn the other cheek.

It takes more than a modicum of humility to refrain from backbiting. But it requires every ounce in my being to admit that I don't know it all. What? Am I that much of an egomaniac? On a certain level, it turns out, yes.

I realized tonight that my years of agnosticism stem from an intense and consuming desire to be right. About the way things are, the nature of being, the existence of God or an afterlife. But you can't build a chair with only a hammer; likewise I couldn't acheive enlightenment with reason alone. I have my doubts that anyone can. Now that's not to downplay its importance; I'm nothing if not rational. But as I learn more each day how to listen to my intuition, I get a broader view of life. I get to paint with more colors. Not just black and white.

But what is this need to be correct? Why did I lose sleep for so many years chiseling away at my own soul, trying to pare the entire universe down to something, anything solid and logical? Maybe you can answer that question for me. Perhaps I tried to use analysis to do synthesis' job. There was no way I was going to find anything to stand on by breaking it all down. I could not achieve any morsel of happiness through sheer will screaming out against the void.

I'm determined, however, not to let the pendulum swing too far in the other direction. I've learned enough to know that what I really seek is balance. And it's time to admit that I've been leading an unbalanced life in purposefully neglecting my natural inclination toward spirituality. That said, I am a scientist. Science is still eminent in my worldview, though perhaps no longer paramount. It's no secret that most agnostics and atheists are well educated and in the main put scientific, empirical truth first. I'm not pointing fingers; remember, this was me for several years. Indeed, I still believe in science. Ay, there's the rub. Belief sneaks its way in. I'd venture to say that many cling so hard to scientific truth for lack of any other path. It's true that most doctrines and dogmas won't stand in the face of the scientific method or even logic. For many oppressive and unfulfilling edicts this is a good thing. But it's taken quite a while to realize that reason doesn't paint the whole picture. Mysticism attempts to glean truths in a different manner. In fact, it can pick up at the point where reason's reach ends.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's no comfort in empiricism, no happiness in experiment. I love science and will cling fiercely to it as a tool for understanding reality. But from this point forward I'm not going to try to apply it to every job I come across. I see no reason why it can't rest in my toolbox right alongside intuition, spirituality, mysticism or whatever you'd like to label it. I'm not talking about blind faith here by any stretch. It's about balance. And I've finally realized that it's no fun believing in the absence of an afterlife and questioning the existence of God simply because it's impossible to scientifically prove and just to show that I'm right in the face of the masses' blind belief. In the end, no matter what I believe I'm still dead. Why make my life miserable? Just to be correct? Besides, believing there's no afterlife is still believing. We simply have no way to know. Further, we will never know everything. Understand that, accept it with humility, and get on with your life, George.

You might think, after such an encompassing topic, that I'd be done. You'd be wrong. There's always more to talk about, and next up is something where a newfound grasp of intuition could pay large dividends. The topic is being crazy. Girl crazy, boy crazy, whatever melts your butter.

The teen girl squad sums it up pretty well when they say "I have a crush on every boy." Er, girl. You get what I'm saying. It's the concept here, people! Don't get caught up in the details.

I have a problem. It's called seeing what isn't there. My gut won't usually steer me wrong, but when emotions weigh in it's easy to ignore your intuition. Or all reason, for that matter. It's hard enough finding mutual interest. But heaping on compatibility, circumstance and proximity is a tall order. And one that the great short order cook in the sky has not yet filled for me. "You want that scattered, smothered and covered? Sha!"

My friend Nicole pretty much summed it up for me today:

Girls aren't all that bad and it's not as if you don't drive girls crazy, you just have a find a girl that drives you crazy and you drive crazy; then you can be insane together :) (but make sure she isn't really crazy, lol)

Note to self: no crazy girls. And don't read into things. If someone doesn't like you, it's ok to be friends. Repeat it like a mantra.

Speaking of friends and finding that special someone, I just got back from Lacey's wedding this weekend. Wow. I'm almost afraid to talk about it lest I lessen the beauty of the event. I will say that it's unmistakable when two people are meant for each other. As I stood on my tiptoes at the ceremony to see over the heads of so many friends and loved ones, the light between Lacey and Myk was brighter than the setting sun's reflection off the House of Worship's windows. I was struck in that moment that it's going to take more than tiptoes to stand up to the example they set for what it means to live for another person.

What's great is that their union brought together hordes of awe-inspiring people and facilitated so many meetings of minds. I'm still reeling from the contact with people whom up to this point I'd only heard or read about, or only met and corresponded with online. Can you imagine what it's like to meet a family member for the first time? That's the feeling I got in greeting Meisa, Shokufeh (with bean) and Abby in real life. Ladies, words cannot describe how happy I am to have embraced you. We truly are a fam-i-lay.

I can't mention Meis and Shok without giving a shout out to Khalid and Sam. Both upstanding gentlemen. Good ol' Aaron, the light stringer, sat at my table as well, so I met the wonderful Alissa. She's a sharp one. Before the wedding I met Lacey's beautiful and talented college friend Sania. Delara instructed us and we worked together on embossing the reception registry, then shared dinner with Kristoffe and Mark (both new friends via Myk), Nas and Greg.

And oh, the bloggers. I finally met the man everyone raves about: Mr. Andropolis himself. All the rumors are true. He is larger than life, kids. Who else? How about the illustrious Ekundayo? And don't forget the lithe, lively, lovely Ms. Loehle who was kind enough to introduce me to the charming Neda. I even caught a moment with Neha as we were all cleaning up.

What about those for whom the wedding was not our first meeting? Is it even possible to describe the joy of the an improptu high school reunion with Liz, MRM, and Stephanie? Or spontaneous opera with Dr. Brown? How about Ken, Susan and Gavin Graves, who introduced me to Liz? I finally got to acquaint my mom (a faithful reader) with Mojan while I shook hands with Eric. Frey was my co-conspirator in engineering the lantern lights (and, as you can see by the moblog, more than a bit of fun to chill with). And I'm so happy to have spent more time with Paul, Charla, Pierre, Andre, Nassim, Javad, Bushra, and Schweiz (who let me borrow his car!) at the wedding, volleyball, and everywhere else. It was all too brief, but all the more reason to make another trip back to Chicago! This is especially true given that some people won't be there when I return. That's why I'm especially happy that I got to see Javad before he left for China and Nas before she headed to NYU. And last but never least: Lord knows as much as Lay-c and Myk brought us all together that Delara was responsible for making it run so smoothly. Her selflessness and love are an example to us all. Mad props, D. You are the greatest.

There really were so many beautiful people in Chicago this weekend. Please forgive me if I forgot to mention you here. Better yet, send me an email and remind me so I can post a glowing report about you too! It's almost ridiculous to try to include you all, much less speak the volumes required to convey but an inkling of your character. I hope in some small way I've practiced the logical extension of what I just preached about backbiting. Ben Franklin says it best with this:

I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.

Please know that even if my brain can't remember you, my heart does. I've often said that people are the most important thing in my life. That's true of every one of you. I love you all.

Home Free

"Houston, Discovery. Wheel stop."

These were the words uttered by Commander Eileen Collins this morning as the Shuttle's last bit of kinetic energy dissipated into heat from an original velocity of 17,500 mph. I don't know if I've ever heard sweeter words.

The crew of STS-114 landed at Edwards Air Force Base after twice passing up Kennedy Space Center in Florida due to weather. While I would have loved to have heard the sonic booms and seen them land here, I'm simply ecstatic that they're home safely. In a couple of days they'll get their land legs back and be reunited with their families in Houston. I know they understand and cherish that privilege as the thought of the crew of STS-107, Columbia's last flight, weighs on their hearts and minds. Eileen and the rest have paid the best possible tribute to that crew with their words and actions over the last two weeks. The legacy of Columbia lives on in our continued commitment to exploration. Because we continue to strive, neither they nor the crews of Challenger, Apollo 1, or the many others who have given their lives have died in vain.

NASA Administrator Mike Griffin remains upbeat about the organization's ability to fix the ET foam problem once and for all, even saying that he hopes we can launch Atlantis on STS-121 this year. After all, there's Space Station to be built.

And that's not the only way we continue our journey in space. The penultimate goal outlined in the President's Vision for Space Exploration is to put humans on Mars. Of course we'll sharpen our skills by returning to the moon before 2020 and completing the space station by 2010, but an integral step in mapping out the mission to Mars launches in two days: the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter. With it we will continue to chip away at the mysteries of our red neighbor and lay out a path that will eventually land explorers on its cold, dusty surface.

But you don't have to wait for MRO's months-long trek to be fascinated by the secrets of Mars. Just last month the European Space Agency's Mars Express probe made a fascinating discovery: water ice deep inside a crater near Mars' north pole.

What secrets await!