Toast for Brekkie

Apperceptions

I've realized a few things of late that I would like put down as much to benefit my own fitful memory as to share for your edification and discussion. It all came to me in a cascade as I sat eating ravioli tonight after three hours of volleyball. We'll perform an experiment next week to see if that same combination brings about any more epiphanies. If so I'll write a book and call it "The VR Path to Enlightenment." You'll think it will be about virtual reality. But it won't.

First up on the docket is gossip. Most of my Baha'i friends would refer to this as backbiting. This is an ongoing discussion between Delara and I and it just so happened that a precipitate crystallized out of the solution tonight. While I struggle just like everyone else to overcome the learned behavior of idle babble, I was relating to her that it's much easier for me to halt retaliation. If Billy says something unflattering about Cassandra, it seems like nothing at all to whisper the juicy news to Dudley. But if Billy speaks ill of me, I've learned to absorb it, destroy it, and breathe it out into the air like so much ash. By absorb I don't mean take to heart; just that the buck stops with me. It may sting a little, but it's important not to retaliate. If there's to be any end to the vicious downward spiral, someone has to stand up and take it, swallow their pride, and just let it go. I guess it's easier for me since I had years of practice with digs in grade school.

It's a tad harder to keep from passing on something about someone else, or to refrain from saying something negative about someone even if it's true. Whereas I can absorb insults with regularity, I still work to keep my mouth shut about other's faults. It's especially difficult when surrounded by others who like to gossip. Sometimes I just want to cover my ears and run away. But that would be strange. People already think I'm weird enough.

While I'm most familiar with Christian and, to a lesser extent, Baha'i writings, I just found a site that encapsulates this concept far better than I ever could. Indeed, it is in itself a small representation of the commonality of all religion. There would be no harm in interpreting the concept as a universal truth given the unified message gleaned from the words of so many traditions. In a phrase: turn the other cheek.

It takes more than a modicum of humility to refrain from backbiting. But it requires every ounce in my being to admit that I don't know it all. What? Am I that much of an egomaniac? On a certain level, it turns out, yes.

I realized tonight that my years of agnosticism stem from an intense and consuming desire to be right. About the way things are, the nature of being, the existence of God or an afterlife. But you can't build a chair with only a hammer; likewise I couldn't acheive enlightenment with reason alone. I have my doubts that anyone can. Now that's not to downplay its importance; I'm nothing if not rational. But as I learn more each day how to listen to my intuition, I get a broader view of life. I get to paint with more colors. Not just black and white.

But what is this need to be correct? Why did I lose sleep for so many years chiseling away at my own soul, trying to pare the entire universe down to something, anything solid and logical? Maybe you can answer that question for me. Perhaps I tried to use analysis to do synthesis' job. There was no way I was going to find anything to stand on by breaking it all down. I could not achieve any morsel of happiness through sheer will screaming out against the void.

I'm determined, however, not to let the pendulum swing too far in the other direction. I've learned enough to know that what I really seek is balance. And it's time to admit that I've been leading an unbalanced life in purposefully neglecting my natural inclination toward spirituality. That said, I am a scientist. Science is still eminent in my worldview, though perhaps no longer paramount. It's no secret that most agnostics and atheists are well educated and in the main put scientific, empirical truth first. I'm not pointing fingers; remember, this was me for several years. Indeed, I still believe in science. Ay, there's the rub. Belief sneaks its way in. I'd venture to say that many cling so hard to scientific truth for lack of any other path. It's true that most doctrines and dogmas won't stand in the face of the scientific method or even logic. For many oppressive and unfulfilling edicts this is a good thing. But it's taken quite a while to realize that reason doesn't paint the whole picture. Mysticism attempts to glean truths in a different manner. In fact, it can pick up at the point where reason's reach ends.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's no comfort in empiricism, no happiness in experiment. I love science and will cling fiercely to it as a tool for understanding reality. But from this point forward I'm not going to try to apply it to every job I come across. I see no reason why it can't rest in my toolbox right alongside intuition, spirituality, mysticism or whatever you'd like to label it. I'm not talking about blind faith here by any stretch. It's about balance. And I've finally realized that it's no fun believing in the absence of an afterlife and questioning the existence of God simply because it's impossible to scientifically prove and just to show that I'm right in the face of the masses' blind belief. In the end, no matter what I believe I'm still dead. Why make my life miserable? Just to be correct? Besides, believing there's no afterlife is still believing. We simply have no way to know. Further, we will never know everything. Understand that, accept it with humility, and get on with your life, George.

You might think, after such an encompassing topic, that I'd be done. You'd be wrong. There's always more to talk about, and next up is something where a newfound grasp of intuition could pay large dividends. The topic is being crazy. Girl crazy, boy crazy, whatever melts your butter.

The teen girl squad sums it up pretty well when they say "I have a crush on every boy." Er, girl. You get what I'm saying. It's the concept here, people! Don't get caught up in the details.

I have a problem. It's called seeing what isn't there. My gut won't usually steer me wrong, but when emotions weigh in it's easy to ignore your intuition. Or all reason, for that matter. It's hard enough finding mutual interest. But heaping on compatibility, circumstance and proximity is a tall order. And one that the great short order cook in the sky has not yet filled for me. "You want that scattered, smothered and covered? Sha!"

My friend Nicole pretty much summed it up for me today:

Girls aren't all that bad and it's not as if you don't drive girls crazy, you just have a find a girl that drives you crazy and you drive crazy; then you can be insane together :) (but make sure she isn't really crazy, lol)

Note to self: no crazy girls. And don't read into things. If someone doesn't like you, it's ok to be friends. Repeat it like a mantra.

Speaking of friends and finding that special someone, I just got back from Lacey's wedding this weekend. Wow. I'm almost afraid to talk about it lest I lessen the beauty of the event. I will say that it's unmistakable when two people are meant for each other. As I stood on my tiptoes at the ceremony to see over the heads of so many friends and loved ones, the light between Lacey and Myk was brighter than the setting sun's reflection off the House of Worship's windows. I was struck in that moment that it's going to take more than tiptoes to stand up to the example they set for what it means to live for another person.

What's great is that their union brought together hordes of awe-inspiring people and facilitated so many meetings of minds. I'm still reeling from the contact with people whom up to this point I'd only heard or read about, or only met and corresponded with online. Can you imagine what it's like to meet a family member for the first time? That's the feeling I got in greeting Meisa, Shokufeh (with bean) and Abby in real life. Ladies, words cannot describe how happy I am to have embraced you. We truly are a fam-i-lay.

I can't mention Meis and Shok without giving a shout out to Khalid and Sam. Both upstanding gentlemen. Good ol' Aaron, the light stringer, sat at my table as well, so I met the wonderful Alissa. She's a sharp one. Before the wedding I met Lacey's beautiful and talented college friend Sania. Delara instructed us and we worked together on embossing the reception registry, then shared dinner with Kristoffe and Mark (both new friends via Myk), Nas and Greg.

And oh, the bloggers. I finally met the man everyone raves about: Mr. Andropolis himself. All the rumors are true. He is larger than life, kids. Who else? How about the illustrious Ekundayo? And don't forget the lithe, lively, lovely Ms. Loehle who was kind enough to introduce me to the charming Neda. I even caught a moment with Neha as we were all cleaning up.

What about those for whom the wedding was not our first meeting? Is it even possible to describe the joy of the an improptu high school reunion with Liz, MRM, and Stephanie? Or spontaneous opera with Dr. Brown? How about Ken, Susan and Gavin Graves, who introduced me to Liz? I finally got to acquaint my mom (a faithful reader) with Mojan while I shook hands with Eric. Frey was my co-conspirator in engineering the lantern lights (and, as you can see by the moblog, more than a bit of fun to chill with). And I'm so happy to have spent more time with Paul, Charla, Pierre, Andre, Nassim, Javad, Bushra, and Schweiz (who let me borrow his car!) at the wedding, volleyball, and everywhere else. It was all too brief, but all the more reason to make another trip back to Chicago! This is especially true given that some people won't be there when I return. That's why I'm especially happy that I got to see Javad before he left for China and Nas before she headed to NYU. And last but never least: Lord knows as much as Lay-c and Myk brought us all together that Delara was responsible for making it run so smoothly. Her selflessness and love are an example to us all. Mad props, D. You are the greatest.

There really were so many beautiful people in Chicago this weekend. Please forgive me if I forgot to mention you here. Better yet, send me an email and remind me so I can post a glowing report about you too! It's almost ridiculous to try to include you all, much less speak the volumes required to convey but an inkling of your character. I hope in some small way I've practiced the logical extension of what I just preached about backbiting. Ben Franklin says it best with this:

I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.

Please know that even if my brain can't remember you, my heart does. I've often said that people are the most important thing in my life. That's true of every one of you. I love you all.

Posted by George at August 10, 2005 09:36 PM