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October 17, 2009

the joy diet - week four - "creativity"

As I sat down to write my thoughts about this past week's chapter, I checked in with Jamie's blog to see what her reaction was. What a joy to witness synchronicity! She had voiced exactly what I was thinking about how TRUE it is that in this journey we have our own "special designed-by-and-for-you road" and that we need to learn to adapt what's in front of us to our unique situation and experience. And, in fact, what better application of creativity could we find?!

Here's an interesting question I like to ask myself to gauge my willingness to be creative at any given moment: If I desire something green, and what I find is blue, am I willing to go look for and add yellow?

Of course, it is an overly simplified question, but hopefully my meaning is evident. How willing are we to adapt something we find that doesn't quite fit for us in order to achieve or realize a goal or desire? How creative will we allow ourselves to be so that we may benefit from the NEW something in front of us? If we don't like what we see, how can we either adjust our vision or shift our position to gain a new perspective? Or to use a concept Martha presented in the chapter (which really resonated for me as a yoga instructor!), how far are we willing to push ourselves toward our edges in order to find something new?

To me, this is at the heart of creativity: making small adjustments to discover something beautiful. I remember many long afternoons during college spent wandering immense spaces at the art museum and wondering why certain abstract or modern pieces of art were considered "art" or "creative" -- I just couldn't see it, at first. Then, one day, I pushed myself toward my edge; I sat on a bench and gazed at a color field painting for what seemed like an hour. It was uncomfortable. I kept thinking, "What is that all about?" There was a lot of gentle noise in my head. As I began to quiet the noise, however, something magical happened. I began to SEE the painting for the first time. And I instantly got it.

No, I didn't have an epiphany about the artist's intention. I didn't begin to see shapes and colors that weren't there, and I didn't hear angels singing. What I understood and felt was that the ARTIST understood and felt something at that moment, and for him, the only way to CREATIVELY express the inexpressible was to paint THAT particular painting. That for him, it was an expression of pure creativity -- whatever that meant for him at that time.

Which brings me to the part of this chapter that resonated most for me -- unifying false dichotomies. I LOVE discussions about dichotomous thinking! They excite and fascinate me because I believe we live in a gray world, albeit one filled with sunshine. Sure, as humans, we LOVE to classify things into boxes, and the more distinct the boxes are from each other, the better. "This is black, and that is white." Historically, this kind of classification has helped us survive: "This is safe, and that is dangerous." And at times, it has helped us understand important scientific principles: "This planet has gravity, and that planet does not." Increasingly, however, when we look at the world around us -- particularly its social systems and human arts and sciences -- we see the line between THIS and THAT has blurred significantly.

And that's a GREAT thing! I think it's AMAZING that the world is so GRAY! In fact, I frolic in it. Why, you ask? Because it means we get to be CREATIVE!! If we subscribe to false dichotomies in any way, as Martha suggests, then we rule out any other possibility than the two sides of any given dichotomy. There is, by definition, no possibility of creativity in that. If you want green and all you get is blue and red, then "it is what it is" and you wouldn't think to go look for some yellow because it isn't an option. You were given blue and red, and that's that.

I loved that part of the exercises this week -- breaking down any false dichotomies I encountered in my daily meditations and explorations of my desires. I did not start reading this book and join the bookblogging because there was something MISSING in my life. I started this as a question, an exploration – what does MORE JOY look like? How might I incorporate even MORE joy than what I already have? This is a reflection of non-dichotomous thinking.

And, interestingly, perhaps a more helpful way of looking at the "enemies" exercise that seems not to have resonated for some readers (it didn't for me either) is within the context of dichotomy. I came across this page while searching for some clear definitions, and there is a part that helped re-frame the exercise on enemies for me:

One way to shatter false dichotomies is to look at what both sides might have in common -- and I don't mean "extremism." Sometimes you'll find a commonality so important that the two "opposites" will look like brothers.

For me, this is a logical expression of the principle of oneness -- that we are all, in essence, one being with many different faces. Based on this principle, there is something we can learn from anyone -- even our most vile foe.

Here is a final thought Chapter Four - Creativity:

Beck proposes the following: "You’re always responsible. Creation is hard. Creation usually doesn’t work."

While I agree with the essence of what she says, the statements didn't completely ring true for me. In fact, the last two statements actually seem somewhat dichotomous, don't they? I might say it like this:

"You're always responsible for what's inside your hula-hoop. Creation can be hard at times. Creation always works, but result may not be what you had originally intended. And that's ok."

Rock on!

October 10, 2009

the joy diet - week three - "desire"

This was a difficult and pivotal week for me. It was difficult in that I was wrestling with changes happening for my husband, the ongoing uncertainty that has become characteristic of our life together, and working in a job that to outside observers seems "so fulfilling" but is actually draining me of my creative energy. It was pivotal for me in that I allowed my desires to triumph over the "shoulds"—whether originating internally or externally. Something that helped me this week? These quotes:

...[as] thou art content with the will of God and art attached in heart to His divine wishes... all thy desires will be granted thee. - 'Abdu'l-Baha
Potent am I to accomplish whatsoever I desire through My word "Be", and it is! - Baha'u'llah

There is a lot my heart desires right now. It is a cup running over with desires, wishes and hopes. It's my time! (It's long overdue, quite frankly.) And while my heart believes the power of the words quoted above, my mind—no matter how quiet it might become—is very skilled at stifling the affirmations and potency held within those words.

The essence of this past week for me was building courage—the courage of spirit to voice my desires loudly enough that no amount of cerebral manipulation could muffle my heart's desires or prevent them from building enough momentum to manifest themselves. The truths that came up for me during the last couple of weeks compel me to take action. I desire the courage to hold fast to the belief that if I say it will be—no matter what "it" might be—then, in fact, it already is. I desire the courage to say "no" to the things I am doing with my time that might be fulfilling a practical purpose in my life (for example, making some money) but sap my spirit of its verve. I desire the courage to ask for what I want and trust that it will be provided. I desire the courage to take risks and build the life I yearn for in the depths of my being.

Of course, in our practice this week, there were many pebbles I found, and they were all lovely. But beyond the details of the "what" was a more powerful challenge for me: the "how". The last part of our practice that incorporated asking ourselves, "Then what?" was most significant for me this week. Maybe that was because I am in a space that demands action and movement. I no longer have the luxury of complacency or torpor. I need to do something... NOW!

And so, I have already begun a few things. I reconnected with a workout routine that I know will transform my outer shape according to my desire. I made a decision to stop the work I have been doing because I know it is not healthy for me and it suppresses my creative spirit rather than stimulating it. I dedicated more study time for a certification program that I passionately want to complete. And I stayed committed to feeding my body foods it loves in order to feel balanced and energetic while successfully avoiding anything that "takes me off course" no matter how tempting it might have seemed! (Believe me, if you saw the list of things that are not good for my body, you'd understand how difficult this is for me!)

I am feeling quite proud of myself, even though there still is something looming above my head, or so it seems. I am most certainly looking forward to a week focused on creativity—a cup from which I am eager to drink.

Bottoms up!

October 02, 2009

the joy diet - week two - "truth"

"Create and absorb one moment of truth each day."

It seemed easy enough, at first. However, when I actually started to PRACTICE it, I wanted to run screaming into the woods. Or something. Well... not really, but that sure sounds deliciously dramatic! Creating and absorbing one moment of truth each day proved more challenging than I had anticipated. And I have a lot of experience facing my truth, for better or worse.

My first challenge was pacing. Learning to slow down during the past year has affected my general pace and flow such that it takes me longer to process and absorb "deep thoughts" -- such as truths. I found myself wanting more time to absorb each truth I unearthed, more time to reflect upon each gem of learning as though it were a delicious morsel of food I wanted to linger on my palate. "That's what I'm feeling? Hm. I didn't know that." "Oh, I didn't realize THAT was hurting. Wow." After about 3 truths--all of which were met with a good dose of compassion and meditations of loving-kindness--I felt heavy, almost burdened. To do each realization any justice, either by acting upon it or simply noting it in my journal for future reference, I needed more time to just... be.

My second challenge was just BEING, then. During the first few days of practice this week, the question of WHAT TO DO with all that beautiful truth lingered for me. Do I tell people? Do I just notice it as though it's an interesting piece of trash tossed aside, or do I pick it up and throw it away? Or do I frame it and hang it on the wall? Yes... choose the option that brings more love into the world. That was a GREAT reminder for me this week. Very poignant and very helpful in shaping my next steps.

One reflection that kept coming up for me was that finding truth can be dangerous. It felt almost irresponsible, actually, to ask myself to dig around for moments of truth only to have those moments accumulate into what felt like a heavy load to carry. This discomfort, however, was another opportunity to learn something valuable--it is a CHOICE to carry the load. And in fact, it is a choice to even see the truth as a load or a burden altogether! As I often remind people when I teach yoga, when we feel discomfort, we can breathe into it and release it as energy. I believe the same applies to truth.

One of the interesting characteristics of truth, in my experience, is that it wants to be known. It likes to be shouted from the top of a mountain for all the world to hear. When we suppress it, eventually it resurfaces. So why not celebrate it? Why not incorporate quiet moments into our life's flow to just allow the truth to have a home? Even my most painful truths, once expressed or revealed, transform me.

So, what was my most profound truth this week? Ok, I admit it! I really, really like pop music. *wink*