delara, interrupted

There's a song "Chicago" by Ingram Hill that totally resonates for me. In fact, the chorus is what really gets to me:

If you ever want to come home from Chicago
And leave the things that habit made you love
I'll be there to await your arrival
To give you a life you'll never know

When I write about missing Chicago, it's the habit of it that I miss. But... I'm fully on board with the fact that I'm so at home here. And I need to be here. My soul needs to be here. And more importantly, I need to not be there, in Chicago, simply out of habit and comfort. That's just too easy. This is where the juice is.

I am now building a life I never could have imagined, and even now I'm not sure I can completely envision it in its entirety. It's revealing itself to me as we go along, and it's exciting. And scary and difficult at times. I'm just learning how to go with the flow. And that doesn't come easily to me.

Surfing was a good metaphor for what this phase of my life needs to be like. When surfing, I could sit on my board for a good 30 minutes to an hour without catching a wave - just talking story with the locals, soaking up the sun, bobbing with the waves - and it would be complete contentment. It wasn't only about catching a wave, practicing my skills, etc. It's about the whole experience. And it's about patience and going with the flow and rhythm of the ocean. And then, when just the right wave would come along, paddling strongly was exhilarating and getting up on the board and navigating the wave was awesome.

So, yeah - while I miss Chicago and my peeps, this is where I am. And I love it. And I can't wait to see what the next page looks like. It's a pretty cool story so far. But it's a far different script than what I think people are used to reading about my life. And that makes it hard to explain what I'm going through. Just before I moved, a dear friend in Chicago gave me an issue of Brilliant Star describing a hero's journey. He shared that he saw me making a hero's journey by moving. While touched and encouraged by this perspective, I hardly consider myself a hero. But I see what he meant, and I'm so grateful for his reflection on what I'm doing right now. Hopefully, in time, I'll be able to share that vision in a way that others might understand. For now, I'm content knowing that I'm doing what I gotta do, and that perhaps this leg of the journey is meant to be taken alone.

Posted by Delara at 12:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

One of my new favorite poems by e.e. cummings...

one's not half two. It's two are halves of one:
which halves reintegrating, shall occur
no death and any quantity; but than
all numerable mosts the actual more

minds ignorant of stern miraculous
this every truth-beware of heartless them
(given the scalpel, they dissect a kiss;
or, sold the reason, they undream a dream)

one is the song which fiends and angels sing:
all murdering lies by mortals told make two.
Let liars wilt, repaying life they're loaned;
we (by a gift called dying born) must grow

deep in dark least ourselves remembering
love only rides his year.
All lose, whole find

Posted by Delara at 12:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I am really missing Chicago these days. The entire city. Really.

I have been having some serious nostalgia just completely take over me at random moments throughout the day. And the odd thing is that nothing really brings it on, per se. It's not like I pass by a sign that says "Chicago Style Pizza" and then think to myself, "Wow, I really miss all my favorite restaurants in Chicago." It just hits me all of a sudden.

Today, I was thinking about all kinds of restaurants I miss. I think I was just super hungry. I was missing crepes at Vive La Crepe, pasta at The Noodle, tuna sandwices at Kopi, anything at Ann Sathers, bagels and lox at The Bagel, shrimp fricassee and corn muffins at Wishbone, coffee at Peet's (sssh - don't tell anyone!), Jamba Juice (no, we don't have that here), and a bunch of other favorite places. Sigh...

But the funny thing is that although there are some concrete (tangible, real) places and things that I miss about the beautiful city, it's really more of a sense of how I wish things were that I miss. And although I miss my friends and family a lot, it's really more the idea of having a familiar circle of friends or family that I miss. I'm fully aware that if I were actually in Chicago, it would not be the way I imagine in my head and the way I "miss it" to be.

I don't know if that makes any sense or not.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that while I love my new home, life, town, friends, work, etc. - there's still something missing. And I miss that something, even though it is quite possible I never really had it. And although I know I never really had it, I had something like it when I lived in Chicago, so it's easy to place it there and say I miss Chicago.

Odd, I know. What else is new.

Posted by Delara at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)

An alternate universe. Ahahahahahahaha!

"There's a crazy world of emails in this crazy world..."

Oh my goodness. I haven't stopped laughing yet!

Posted by Delara at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Across the street from each other are two coffee/donut shops: Cappuccino Coffee Donuts is one, and The Donut Connection is the other. No, really - those are their names. The people who came up with the names for these shops ought to win an award.

I hung a beautiful pot of violets on my front porch a few weeks ago. Today, I have a robin as a squatter (literally) in that hanging pot. About a week ago, it began making a nest for itself - where? Right in the middle of the pot of violets. Hilarious. Apparently babies are on the way.

There's a guy at my gym who is probably in his 50s, although he tries to act like he's 28. It is obvious to me that he dyes his hair - stark black. Scary. And funny. Totally made me laugh today as I thought, does he really think that looks stylish? He needs to hire a new image consultant. Fo reals.

I SO enjoyed a concert the other night and am reveling in my adventure. Got to see Ingram Hill, Mike Tolcher and Joey DeGraw at the Exit/In and I had a blast. (It's all really, really good music - check them out.) One of the highlights was noticing how much Ingram Hill's lead singer Justin Moore was smiling the whole time. In fact, the whole band really enjoyed the gig, and that was glorious to watch. I'm laughing because as I was listening to Ingram Hill's CD I was wondering if Moore ever stops smiling?

Posted by Delara at 01:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

I need to redesign this site. It's not working for me. Hmph. Gotta ponder this for a while...

Posted by Delara at 11:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Ok, that sounds really weird. But whatev.

One:

Both Keane and Muse are coming out with new albums this summer!!!!!!!!!!! Cover your ears while I scream with joy! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Two:

I think I might have enough birthday money to purchase the tv I really want. Note that although I don't watch a lot of tv, I watch a lot of movies, and this new set would ROCK THE HOUSE with DVDs. Woo hoo!

It is a beautiful week.

Posted by Delara at 12:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

One thing I have been enjoying lately is catching up on movies! Here are a few I've really enjoyed and would totally recommend:

Lucky Number Slevin - I couldn't decide what I liked more: the visuals (check out all the crazy wallpaper!), the editing (superb job!), the acting (the cast says it all), or the writing and actual storyline. Wow. Despite the fact that it was a bit more violently graphic in some scenes than I'd like, I REALLY liked this film. Totally loved the twists and turns. I might have to own it someday.

Inside Man - Denzel. That's all I have to say. No, but this also had some great plot twists that really kept you guessing. Good suspense and action.

Shakespeare In Love - Watched it on DVD and was reminded how much I LOVE not only Shakespeare but poetry and passion. Nice...

CSA - You gotta love Spike Lee and anything he touches. It was hard to watch in some respects, but this was a great independent film for starting up conversation about racism. Go see it now!

The Nashville Film Festival is about to start in a couple of weeks. I'm salivating already.

Posted by Delara at 11:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Well, that was no April Fool's joke. My blog was actually blank. Wow. Bad.

But for good reasons. I suppose. Good stuff going on in life. Lots of reflection and journaling, which automatically means I'm blogging less frequently. Funny how that works.

Here's one of the best things: I started working for a company that has an amazing statement of purpose. (They also have a cool mission statement, but that's different.) It is...

"To provide an uplifting experience by enriching people's lives."

I think I got that right. I keep mixing it up. But I think that's right. And how cool is that? In fact, I'd say that it's my life's mission statement. Mm hm. How about that for cosmic alignment? I get to work for a company (part of the time - I still have my own business) that is aligned with my life's purpose. How interesting...

Posted by Delara at 08:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)