thinking about...
next steps
priorities
missing my mom and brothers
getting a dog
finding a used sofa for my living room
how life throws you curveballs just to keep you on your toes
clarity and inspiration - and how to find more of both
« January 2006 | Main | March 2006 »
next steps
priorities
missing my mom and brothers
getting a dog
finding a used sofa for my living room
how life throws you curveballs just to keep you on your toes
clarity and inspiration - and how to find more of both
I have these cards called "Power Thought Cards" by Louise L Hay, based on books she has written like "You Can Heal Your Life." I highly recommend her stuff, although it can be a little new-agey every now and then. I pick one of these cards each morning, randomly, and try to soak in the message or meditate on it. Mostly positive affirmation kind of stuff, but the card today really resonated for me.
On the front, it said:
THE PAST IS OVER
On the back, it elaborated:
This is a new day, one that I have never lived before. I stay in the now and enjoy each and every moment.
Amen. I was thinking about this card as I sat in the movie theatre tonight, watching "Something New" and tearing up a little in between laughs. Just a little tearing up though. Okay, maybe a little more than a little. It was an emotional experience. And I enjoyed the experience - each and every moment.
Sigh...
In case you were curious...
One - Mary J Blige & U2 (remix)
Don't Phunk With My Heart - Black Eyed Peas
Get Busy - Sean Paul
White Light - Gorillaz
Seven Days in Sunny June - Jamiroquai
Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake
One Thing - Amerie
Unpredictable - Jamie Foxx ft. Ludacris
Check On It - Beyonce ft. Slim Thug
Pon De Replay - Rihanna
Pump It - Black Eyed Peas
Galang - MIA
Hey Mama - Black Eyed Peas
Canned Heat - Jamiroquai
What You Got - Justin Timberlake
Naughty Girl - Beyonce ft. Lil' Flip
Yeah - Usher
Baby Boy - Beyonce & Sean Paul
There It Go! - Juelz Santana
The last few days were days that reminded me of who I truly am. Being reminded about this hasn't been completely easy, or positive. But it's been real, and that's what matters.
It all started on Monday when I unpacked my - drum roll please - VERY LAST BOX!!! Woo hoo! (I did a little dance to celebrate rather than open a bottle of wine.) I had left the boxes in the spare room for last because I knew once I opened them I'd have to do my least favorite thing in the whole world - organize my files. Bleh. Plus, I don't have any office furniture yet, so I can't completely put the room together. In any case, I worked all day on Monday to get that room straightened out, and it was SO worthwhile.
Among my papers were various things from 5 years ago or so that showed me once again what I'm really made of. The details aren't as important as the fact that I was reminded of the capable, professional, diversely talented person I once knew myself to be. It is SO easy for me to forget about her and to think she doesn't exist anymore. Frighteningly easy. It was a benevolent reminder that although I will always be flawed and self-doubting, I still have a noble and capable core endowed with God-given abilities that are undeniable in the final analysis. Monday was a good day.
Then, yesterday began with a great training session at my new gym, which I love. I worked hard, y'all! And I've got the sweat-stained shirt to prove it. He he. But after a fantastic workout and a productive day working on ideas for marketing my business, I decided to take myself out on a date for Valentine's Day. All day I had been thinking about the beautiful red roses my mom had sent me (nothing is better than getting flowers from your mom - well, almost nothing) and I was moved to treat myself to a nice dinner and a movie. Let me pause here to say that it has not been in my nature during the past several years to go out by myself. In fact, it is WAY outside my comfort zone to do so, especially on a "holiday" and especially a holiday designed for couples. But again, this was all about glimpses into who I really am. So, I got some of my favorite boneless buffalo wings and a piņa colada for dinner at Chili's (none of which I ended up paying for - loooong story, but let's just say that chivalry is not completely dead) and then went to see "Nanny McPhee" which made me laugh out loud. Quite a bit. Ha! To top it off, I was grateful to be living in the land of 24-hour grocery stores once again (don't know why there aren't any in the northern burbs of Chicago) so that I could run into Kroger at midnight and grab some of that mint chocolate chip soy ice cream that I LOVE!! Mmmm mm! Tuesday was a good day.
Today, I managed all my bills, took care of all my outstanding paperwork, prepped for the meeting I'm managing this week in Memphis, ordered cable (just the basic networks - I can't bear the thought of paying over $50 a month for television channels I will rarely watch), and ran a couple of errands. On my way out the door, I was greeted by a surprise: a small gift bag filled with one of my favorite things in the whole world - chocolate!! - and a yummy orange-vanilla scented candle. But the sender of this precious gift was a mystery! No note or anything, just a sweet bag of sweets. Hm... my curiosity was piqued.
I had a great workout at the gym (once again) and treated myself to a new book at Borders. (Oh yeah - have I mentioned that during the past 9 months I've reconnected with my passion for reading? Ah yes... I love it. More moves toward my true self.) Then, I attended orientation to become a volunteer with an organization called Saddle Up! (They add the exclamation mark, not me. He he!) The fact that I get to volunteer to be around TWO of my passions (children and horses) on a regular basis brings unimaginable happiness to my heart. I can't explain how amazing it felt to be there, to know that I was preparing to spend my time helping children feel more confident about themselves and connect with a sense of empowerment and capability. It's like a dream come true for me.
And as if today couldn't get any better, I had dinner with the fabulous Hatchers in the lovely town of Franklin. I am just so blessed to know these two beautiful souls. And my cheeks are just going to have to get used to laughing so hard 'cause it's nothing but a fun, meaningful time with them no matter what we're doing!! Today was definitely a good day.
As I was driving home with my sunroof open (did I mention it was in the 60s today?), listening to my fantastic new hip-hop/R&B mix and bouncing to the beat, I reflected on the fact that even though there are puh-lenty of things about which I could be down right now (I've got a list, people) I have not felt this much like my true self in a loooong time. It was as though I could really feel *my* skin on my body, *my* heart beating in my chest, and *my* hair blowing in the wind.
All I know is that it's good to be home.
Well, got *that* out of the way. It just so happens that I have this weird habit/curse with every home I've ever had. It seems I have a knack for almost burning it down. I stress the almost lest anyone think I'm a pyro. Or in case my insurance agent is reading my blog. He he. (wipes brow nervously, clears throat and looks furtively to the right and left...)
In my first apartment in Carrboro, NC, I lit a log in the fireplace (according to instructions, mind you) and it got a little carried away. I think I burned a small hole in the carpet. In my first apartment with Paul in Chapel Hill, I lit a candle in the bathroom and placed it in a WOODEN container. How friggin brilliant was that?! That's right, put something that is on fire in a wooden container. It's not flammable or anything. Duh.
In the townhouse in Northbrook, I left a candle burning (again, in the bathroom) overnight, and as the wick burned down the flame got bigger and lit the towel hanging above it. Again, I get major points for intelligence on this one. Light a candle UNDER a towel?! Nice.
Tonight, as I cooked my first real dinner (as opposed to warming up taquitos in the toaster oven - that clearly doesn't count as cooking) I decided to multi-task and left the rice to boil figuring I had enough time to dry my hair. Wrong. All of sudden, the house smelled like popcorn, and I raced downstairs to see that the rice had boiled and all the water had, in fact, evaporated. And the bottom of the pot was burnt. Ah, yes.
At least I got it out of the way. Amazingly, the rice came out perfectly! Ha! And so, I sat down to eat a scrumptious meal - polynesian chicken and rice.
A sigh of contentment escaped from deep within my chest...
If I were on the clock, I'd be putting in a 70-hour week! I have been waking up to the sun and sound of singing birds (did I mention I live in the country and it is QUIET? I love it...) and getting right to work each morning, busily unpacking boxes (only 5 more to go, and I'm not doing them until next week) and setting up my home. It's part necessity and part obsession. I can't feel "moved in" until this is all done. So, I'm doing it.
And I'm working HARD, people! Man. 12-14 hour days!! But, my living room is about 95% done, my kitchen is completely done (except for the valance that needs to be hung), my bedroom is completely done, and both bathrooms are nicely decorated and organized. Aaahhhhhhhh...
So, what did I do to celebrate? I went grocery shopping! AND I was HANDSOMELY rewarded for all this hard work. I found the soy ice cream I LOVE more than anything (Soy Dream's Mint Chocolate Chip, in case you were wondering) at the local Kroger! Ha! I didn't even have to search out some whole foods store or anything. Kroger, baby! Thank the Lord for life's little miracles and rewards.
And then today I signed up at Gold's Gym (which is only 2 miles away and had an AWESOME offer - no initial joining fee and only $39 a month!) because now that I know the local Kroger has my ice cream, I will need to go to the gym. Everyday. Mm hm. I loves me my ice cream, yo!
I'm smiling, by the way, in utter amusement and happiness. Big smiles.
I am so overwhelmed emotionally - in very good ways - that words are difficult to find at this moment. I have landed safely and happily in my new home, and I am more and more excited (now that the stress of moving is behind me) about exploring all kinds of new ideas!! Once I settle in a bit I will have much to share.
So, stay tuned.
Interestingly, I've been tagged, and while on the surface this might seem like a rather mundane entry, it is actually quite a fitting reflective exercise on the day before I move to my new home in Tennessee. Hm. Yeah. So, here goes.
Four jobs I've had:
1. Art teacher
2. Office manager
3. Retail salesperson (at Banana Republic no less!)
4. Training consultant
Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Legally Blonde (don't hate)
2. The Princess Bride
3. Dead Poet's Society
4. Coming to America
Four places I've lived:
1. Deerfield, IL
2. Guilin, Guangxi, P.R.China
3. Chapel Hill, NC
4. Chicago, IL
Four TV shows I love:
1. Boston Legal
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Charmed
4. Late Nite w. Conan O'Brien
Four places I've vacationed:
1. Maui, Hawaii
2. Oberwart, Austria
3. Delray Beach, Florida
4. Moorea, Tahiti
Four of my favorite dishes:
1. my mom's lasagna - and pretty much only her lasagna
2. coconut shrimp
3. sushi
4. filet mignon w. pretty much anything on the side
Four sites I visit daily:
1. Google.com
2. Flickr.com (triple high five, George!)
3. Lay-c.com/[insert fami-lay member here] (mm hm - dat's right y'all!)
4. Dictionary.com
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. in a hot tub
2. at the beach - any beach, really
3. on top of a mountain
4. in my dream home
Four bloggers I am tagging:
As I sat in utter humility, amazement and gratitude, listening to some of my dearest family and friends share their appreciation of ways I have, perhaps, touched their lives, there was only one thing on my mind that I was grateful to have had the opportunity to voice...
I wish that everyone I knew could see themselves - their true selves - the way that I see them. I wish they could witness the beauty, nobility and magnificence I have beheld in their faces, hearts, actions and beings. I wish they could see how beautiful their reflections are. And - more than anything - I hope and pray that they will always follow their heart and pursue in life those things about which they are most passionate and that bring them joy and happiness, no matter what other people think or say.
Mm hm.
I was deeply moved by the love, beauty and radiance of all the precious souls sitting in our circle tonight, gathered together to wish me well on this next leg of the journey, even though it takes me away from them physically. I hope they realize I am taking them with me every step of the way, whether they want it or not and out of my abiding love for them...
It's the day before Groundhog's Day - that day on which our fate regarding the duration of winter is determined. Ha! Well, not really, but that's what they say, right?
I feel like I've already had my Groundhog's Day - and now I'm just waiting for winter to be over. It will be yet another two months, maybe slightly less. But Iconfused by this waiting period. I'm not good at sitting on my hands and just waiting. I get antsy, impatient, anxious. It's not pretty.
But it is what it is, and as a dear friend recommended I am looking inside myself to see what it is I'm supposed to learn here in the meantime. Courage? Conviction? Patience? Detachment? Probably all of the above and then some.
It's all good though. In the meantime, I'm going to take a little nap. Zzzzzzzzzzzz...