delara, interrupted

What do spinning madly with microphone stand in hand, pelvic gyrations that make Elvis' look amateur, and cutting edge electronic and video displays all have in common? They are trademarks of the one and only Depeche Mode, who ROCKED the Allstate Arena last night! Although, you wouldn't know it by the crowd immediately surrounding our seats. C'mon people!!! You call yourselves fans when you sat (yes, I said SAT!) through the first 6 songs or so? Pathetic.

But I digress... The concert was amazing - further proof that some things do, in fact, get better with age and are well-worth the money to experience. Dave still has his trademark moves down pat. Fletch is still the low-key, stoic, masterful keyboardist and producer (although some argue that Alan was the one who made it all come together - I disagree). And Martin is still the wild child, dressed in a funky, furry hat, black leather outfit, and black angel wings. Absolutely fantastic.

The set was a glorious mix of new and old - they played more than half of the tracks from the newest album "Playing the Angel" and included an awesome mix of older tracks - although, music from Exciter was conspicuously absent.

They opened with a bang, as I thought they might, with the energetic first track off their new album, A Pain That I'm Used To, and followed it with John The Revelator - my second favorite track on the album. They followed these two new tracks with a couple of classics: A Question Of Time, and Policy Of Truth. Then they played a luscious live version of Precious - much more moody than on the album, which I LOVED hearing. Amazing. The rest of the set went a little something like this:

• Walking In My Shoes
• Suffer Well
• Damaged People
• Home
• I Want It All
• The Sinner In Me
• I Feel You
• Behind The Wheel
• World In My Eyes
• Personal Jesus
• Enjoy The Silence

So, you'd think this was a good way to end, yes? Oh no!!! Two - count 'em: TWO - extra sets! Wahoo! What energy. The first encore started with Somebody, which Martin crooned like there was no tomorrow - the crowd ate it up! This is one of my favorite love songs of all time. I think I almost cried listening to it live. (Almost.) Sigh... They followed with Just Can't Get Enough and ended with Everything Counts.

For the second encore, they busted out Never Let Me Down Again (I would have asked for my money back if they hadn't played this) and finally ended with a track from Exciter - Goodnight Lovers. Thank goodness for that - I was wondering if they were going to play anything from Exciter!

It was a fantastic experience - and even more enjoyable that Farren, Myk and Meisa got to experience it with me. Wahoo! We had a blast. Totally energized me for the work ahead of me this week. I just hope the feeling lasts... "Nothing's impossible..." right?

Posted by Delara at 04:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I am never getting out of my bed. Never. I am sleeping on a cloud... and I'm never getting off. Aaaaaaaaaaaahh...

Posted by Delara at 02:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

• waves caught: 12
• miles walked: at least 15
• hours spent at Livewire: 6
• beaches visited: 7
• mosquito bites: 23 (20 in the last 3 days of my trip! ack!)
• flip flops lost at sea: 0
• books read: 2
• su doku puzzles completed: 4
• yoga sessions: 4
• maximum elevation reached, in feet: over 10,000
• minimum elevation reached, in feet: 8 below sea level
• rainbows: 3

Posted by Delara at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Needless to say, working the retreat left little time for play much less blogging. I had a really great time in Hawaii - was great for clearing my head, clarifying my focus and goals in the near future, and just relaxing. Can't avoid that, even when working, given the slower pace of life. Which was VERY attractive to me on a lot of levels.

So, to recap: successful retreat, caught some waves, surfing was great, hiking, yoga and snorkeling were great, drove out to the east side of the island for a couple of days, hung out with friends and relaxed, and enjoyed the scenery one more time. Deep inhale... deep exhale.

And upon returning home I got to hang out with my awesome family for the weekend, including my brizzo from Cali who decided at the last minute to come to Chicago for Thanksgiving with mom. We had a nice little family reunion - first time in years - and brothers and I got to spend a night out on the town. First time ever! Boy... we tore it up, yo! Nice...

Now, just resting for a minute (like, just today) while catching up on mail, laundry, watering the plants and such in preparation for what will be a month that will quite likely kick my butt in terms of all I have to get done! Whew... gotta eat my Wheaties, folks.

But... let's start things off with a little Depeche Mode, shall we? Tuesday night, baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Delara at 10:33 PM | Permalink

Phew! Working hard in the heat. Love it. Excellent waves this morning at Thousand Peaks Beach - where we do the surfing lessons. Everyone got up on their first day of lessons! How great is that! Woo hoo!

By the way, I'm not sure why my blog has become more of a daily log, but whatev. Wink wink.

Third day of the retreat now. The women who signed up are great - very diverse in their age, home geography, jobs and interests. And all supah cool. It's been great to meet them.

And it's been great being back in the swing of things with Me-Shell, Khadija and Anita - the other three full time staff for the retreat. Feels like home being with my girls. But no, I'm still not moving here. No compelling reason to do so. I dig the island lifestyle, but it just doesn't resonate anymore. At least not all year long. Maybe someday in the future though...

But oh - I know what I wanted to write about! The FOOD!!! Man oh man. Khadija is our chef extraordinaire for the retreat, and let me just say that there isn't anything this woman cooks up that is short of phenomenally yummy!! Wow!! From fresh fruit and nut smoothies, to fresh juice at breakfast (y'all know how much I love my fresh juice!), to coconut macaroons she baked herself, to beef rollups or fresh ono (fish) stew at dinner, to acorn squash soup, to avocado key lime pie. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. My tummy is happy.

Posted by Delara at 07:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Perhaps the last blog entry for a while... on our way to the retreat site tomorrow and I'm not sure what my internet situation will be. George and I were just remarking about how integral to our lives the internet is. Mm hm. Especially when you're on an island in the middle of the Pacific, let me tell you!

I think I've finally settled into the pace of life here... MUCH slower than anything I'm used to generally. But I enjoy it. And more importantly, I need it. It's helping me let go. A lot.

After a good amount of prep time today (not quite the whole day, but we worked HARD!), we enjoyed the late afternoon at the beach and watched the sun set over the mountains. Beautiful. Breathing in the salty air is good for me. Being in the sunshine is good for me.

But... is it just totally whacked that I miss winter? What the?!?? Hm. But it is so. It's November, and perhaps because of my current cycle of growth I'm wanting it to be chilly outside and for me to be bundled up in a sweater, perhaps with a blanket on my lap, sipping some hot cocoa across from a dear friend at a cafe, talking the night away while people walk briskly by, their breath visible as they pass underneath streetlamps.

Wow. I need to get my head examined. Anyway...

Posted by Delara at 10:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

That's right - I'm back at Livewire. On a Saturday night, no less. Anita is trying to convince me to go dancing across the street. I'm just not feeling it tonight. Too many weirdos there. Maybe I'll get over myself and we'll go party for a while. Maybe...

Today was fantastic. Could be that we started the day with an amazing yoga session at the park. By the beach. Outside. Yeah. Although I did not see a rainbow as I had the last two days, it was glorious. Sunny, warm, and productive. We hit up lots o' hotels and even made some connections with local travel agencies. Good stuff.

I even got to watch Anita at her jiu jitsu class. Wow - that was hard core, man. I was sweating just watching them all warm up! She was the only woman in the class and she held her own quite nicely. Go girl!

Me-Shell treated us to some fun at the Maui Ocean Center in the afternoon. Let me say once again how much I love aquarium-related activities! We got to see sea turtles, stingrays, reef sharks, hammerheads, and we even got to touch some urchins, sea stars and sea cucumbers in the "petting pool." Way. Cool.

And after an impromptu concert at the park and a walk along the beach at sunset, here I am. At Livewire. Blogging. Instead of partying across the street. (Anita just went over.) At least they're playing some GREAT tunes... India Arie. Nice...

As a quick reflective aside, lots of stuff has been running around in my mind - of course. The most profound of it is perhaps a vital decision at which I have arrived in the form of my new mantra:

I am letting go that I may hold onto myself.

It's changing my experience and perhaps my life. Good energy. More to come...

Posted by Delara at 09:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

After about 11 hours of sleep last night (no joke! jetlag be gone!), Anita and I hit the pavement today and visited a bunch of hotels for marketing the surfing and yoga retreats. Our work has begun already, but when you're walking around in a tanktop and flipflops, how hard can you really be working? Very hard, apparently. We were EXHAUSTED tonight as we had a moment of weakness and drove to the local Krispy Kreme for a sugar fix. We deserve it! We walked close to 5 miles today! In the hot sun! By the ocean! Oh wait - that's work? Yeah, it is.

But it's fun. And that's a blessing for which I am grateful.

Tomorrow: more advertising, more relationship-building at the local hotels, more walking, and maybe - if we're lucky - we will treat ourselves to a Willie Nelson/Jack Johnson concert Sunday night next weekend after the retreat! Um, yeah.

Posted by Delara at 11:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Oh yeah. This is what summer in the winter months feels like. Breezy, blue skies, warm sunshine. Inhale deeply... salty air. Mmmmmm...

We have stopped by the local interweb cafe - Livewire - and are enjoying a cup of red tea while catching up on email and blogs. Oh - we = Anita Bonita (my nickname for her) and me. The sun has already gone down. This after a nice afternoon running errands, buying groceries and bottled water for the next few days, catching up with Me-Shell - one of the most awesome swellwomen in the world - and taking a long walk on the beach.

But now... time for bed. At 7:00pm???!?? Yup. Seriously. Tired. And it's dark.

Posted by Delara at 06:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Picture me listening to the song "Rollercoaster" done by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Then picture that song characterizing my life right now. Should I go to Hawaii tomorrow? Should I stay in LA for a while? Should I take charge and make some big decisions to guide my path? Should I just CHILL and let my life unfold as it will?

Yeah. I'm down with the last sentiment.

I woke up in a funk today... was very weepy all day. Again, pathetic fallacy in that it was cloudy, rainy and COLD - the weather was weeping with me. (for the love of pete - SoCal is NEVER supposed to be cold!) For what it/I was weeping, who the heck knows. I think my funk this morning and the general weepiness contributed to annoying thoughts running amok in my head. All. Day. Long. And that's never a good thing, because it creates worry in my head. And I don't need any additional worry - all the questions I have (life, job, geography, etc.) are PUH-LENTY for me to think about as it is.

Sadly, I think I let the worry get the better of me tonight - just for a moment, but still... I wasn't at my best. And I like to be at my best. Ah... a moment of weakness, I suppose. It's good to have those - keeps it all real.

And then, I lightened up, heard the voice of reason in my head, and let it all go. And enjoyed my time with my brizzo and friends!!

In the end, I have been having the BEST time tonight! It stopped raining, for one thing, and sitting by the fireplace at our friends' was niiiiiiice. We went to a fireside the lovely Amelia gave on prayer, faith and spiritual rebirth. Very spiritually uplifting - a good reminder of all the positive things I have going on in my life right now. I'm very grateful. Thanksgiving will be meaningful this year, even if I AM spending it on a plane. Haha. Yeah, then there's that. Oh well.

But the quote of the evening (of the year!) was when our good friend Dorothy was thanking Amelia for the fireside and then mentioned I would say a closing prayer. Then, she pointed to us both and said, "These two special women... (pause) should run the world!" And we started cracking up! I looked at Amelia and said, "Yeah, sure - why not?!?" I can think of a few things I would change RIGHT NOW! We are still laughing.

Ok - time to hang out with the brizzo some more... Aw yeeeeeeah, boy!

Posted by Delara at 11:22 PM | Permalink

From the Baha'i Writings: "Truthfulness is the foundation of all the virtues of the world of humanity. Without truthfulness, progress and success in all of the worlds of God are impossible for a soul. When this holy attribute is established in man, all the divine qualities will also become realized."

I have been reflecting on how often we are faced with moments of choice about truthfulness - being truthful with others and, perhaps more importantly, ourselves. It seems so easy for us to choose not to be truthful with others, in little and big ways. For example, we may not be truthful when someone asks, "How are you?" and we reply with, "Okay," or "Great!" when really we just had a crappy meeting with our boss and are feeling angry, annoyed or just down. Pooneh and I were talking today about how people can be so casual about timing. We were laughing about how the two of us usually don't say, "I'll be there in a minute!" but rather, "I'll be there in about 7 minutes!" regardless of the fact that it sounds dorky. Just a matter of being honest, I guess - or precise. Or ridiculous. Take your pick.

But what struck us the most as we had our conversation was the example we (in general) set for others - particularly our kids. What message do we give them when they see us "fib" a little to get out of trouble with someone? On the phone with our neighbor: "Oh, I completely lost track of time and couldn't make it over," when really we had plans with someone else. Or when we exaggerate in order to gain some sympathy with some technical support person - "I have been waiting for HOURS on hold!" And what message do we give each other - our partners, friends, family - when we tell "little" white lies? Or worse, when we say, "Yes, I will do that," but then we don't do it?

Then tackling the whole issue of being honest with ourselves - well, that's a whole other dissertation and something I'm still in process about.

Yet, we have to have some flexibility somewhere, right? We can't be honest about EVERYTHING, can we? We can't know everything about ourselves and others, can we?

I have learned over the years that the world is gray - there is very little black and white. Spiritually, there are principles that I hold true and there are laws that are clear in terms of how they determine our behaviors. But the rest? All gray. As a result, I often have more questions than answers, and by design that expands my awareness and hopefully my depth of understanding. Is truthfulness one of those gray areas, though? Hm... I'm not so sure.

Posted by Delara at 05:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Woke up to some glorious sunshine today and was escorted by my lovely mom to the airport where I indulged in my "airport only snack of choice" - a Cinnabon. YUMMMMM! It is only consumed when I travel so as not to completely shock my body with sugar on a regular basis. After a 2.5 hour nap on one of the smoothest flights I've ever had, I was greeted by the cutest baby in the world and her mom, my fabulous dear friend Pooneh. Aaahhh... what a welcome. After some really good pastrami and goat cheese on rye (don't knock it 'til you try it, yo) and a chocolate croissant (yes, i'm allowing myself to eat anything I want this week) we lounged for the afternoon, enjoying some excellent conversation, lavender earl gray tea, sunshine and warm SoCal weather. Oh, and a couple of Star Trek TNG episodes on Spike TV. That rocked!

Now, having just watched mom and baby fall asleep - a glorious and precious sight to behold - I am basking in the warmth of the love and hospitality of my friends and I am reflecting on the important things in life.

Oh - baby just woke up! We are about to chow down on pasta and possibly slip into the heated pool for some relaxation, maybe watch a movie.

Ah, Monday.

Posted by Delara at 07:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

• enjoying exceptionally warm weather - unusually so, for the beginning of November
• helping people out and offering comfort in times of need
• taking care of your pets
• soaking up the sun while walking through a beautiful fall scene
• eating the best kabob you've ever had!
• spending time with friends - new and old
• taking a nice, loooong drive through the country
• writing
• seeing the movies "Dreamer" and "The Notebook" - and crying
• cherishing time spent with someone you care for
• feeling happy, in general - a welcome change from the last few weeks...

Posted by Delara at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I'm still reeling from the experience I had this morning, so allow me a moment to catch my breath...

Having stayed at my mom's place again last night, I had one of those moments when I thought to myself, "Who is benefiting more from me staying here?" The mutual benefit is clear to me this morning.

I awoke with energy earlier than I had planned, having just dreamt about my grandmother (my Maman joon*) and grandfather. In and of itself, it's not so strange I might dream about family, except that I had never met my grandfather because he passed away when I was 3 or 4 years old, so I really have no memories of him. Yet, there he was in my dream, wearing a party hat and all. That's an important detail only because I don't think in this life he EVER would have worn a party hat! Too distinguished and elegant a gentleman. But I digress...

So, I had gone to the airport with my mom, Farren and two of my cousins to pick up Maman and Baba joon. The airport was CRAZY - people were running everywhere, there was a lot of yelling, it was chaotic. We pulled up, and I got out with my cousins to look for our grandparents. We spotted them immediately, drawn to the luminous smile my grandmother always had - a smile so wide it made her eyes disappear into thin lines and so mischievous you'd think she had just heard the best joke. Those cute little apple cheeks! She totally glowed. We all embraced and cried a tiny bit - it had been a long time since we had seen them. Years, perhaps. She was a bit wobbly and needed some assistance walking, so we had brought her a walker, which she categorically pushed away with a "tsk" sound. Typical, and so cute. Instead, she grabbed my cousin's arm and had him escort her to the car.

Once in the car, someone made a comment about something. (some details are a bit fuzzy) And in the most perfect English, my grandmother responded with a few wise words. All of us looked at her, stunned. Although she knew a few conversational words, she never really spoke English with us. We always spoke in Persian. Either mom or I asked her where she learned to speak English so well, and she replied, "Well, Delara wasn't learning Persian quickly enough, so I decided to learn English over the past 6 years so that I could tell her what I needed to."

My heart jumped. I was so completely moved - and a bit amused. She had learned this language for me? Simply to talk with me? Wow. I had better listen up then.

It was a sweet conversation, very light and happy. When we arrived home, it still seemed pretty chaotic. We had all gathered for someone's birthday - hence my grandfather's party hat. Lots of family was there, and we had a big celebration.

When I awoke, what struck me was how thin the veil between this world and the next can be. I felt comforted, warm, happy to have seen them in my dreams. And then, I realized it was the beginning of November. "Wait a second... this is right around the time my grandmother passed away three years ago," I thought, although I can never remember the exact date.

I got up quickly from bed, went to my mom's room, and hurriedly asked, "What is the date of Maman joon's passing?"

She smiled - that same wonderful smile that Maman joon had. "November 1st. I was going to suggest we say some prayers in her remembrance last night, but it got too late."

My heart literally skipped a beat. I could not stop myself from crying. The tears just came, although not from sadness - from realization. I was stunned by the "coincidence" although I know full well there is no such thing. It all happens for a reason. Maman joon never came up in conversation yesterday, I never thought about her - and yet, there she was, plain as day in my dreams, having learned a language just so she could talk with me.

I related the dream to mom, and it seemed to her that I am being watched over and cared for. If that is the case, then I am very lucky. And although completely unaware of the implications of our timing, I am happy to have been with my mom on what I know would have been a difficult night for her had she been alone.

I am dumbfounded by the level of synchronicity happening for me right now - conversations with friends about parallel experiences; reading articles about women and writers that resonated so deeply I could not help but cry; the questions I have asked myself in my head; the paths clearing for me... all culminating in this morning's dream. If you can call it that. I am not sure what it all adds up to, but I'm hooked. I've got to see how this story ends.

My alarm just went off... and played Sarah McLachlan's "Angel". How fitting a conclusion to this chapter. I am humbled.

(*In Persian, the word joon literally means life. When used in conjunction with someone's name, it's a term of endearment like dear or sweetheart, but it goes much deeper because of its meaning. I always called my maternal grandmother Maman joon because she was so precious to me. And apparently still is.)

Posted by Delara at 09:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

• hours I spent reflecting and meditating this morning: 2
• words in my newly updated resume: 463
• email messages I sent this afternoon: 43
• meals eaten with a parent: 2
• mp3s downloaded from iTunes: 6
• times I was complimented on my green suede shoes: 3
• articles I read, online and in the paper: 7
• essays I edited, wrote or pondered: 4
• pairs of pants picked up at the dry cleaners: 1
• minutes spent doing yoga: 90
• hours I will sleep tonight no matter what: 8, yo

Leaves me feeling like today was a rather productive day. Yay for me.

(i know - yet another bullet list. lame. but seriously, these days i think in lists. weird.)

Posted by Delara at 11:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)