To say that I have a lot going on in my head these days would be the understatement of the year. Yeah, my mind is in constant motion - taking me from one thought to the next in a continual cycle of observing, reflecting, processing, concluding, and questioning. And while this sounds quite glamorous, it is TIRING. And I mean tiring as in I wake up early each morning to the sound of my gears working, and as in I had to take a 3-hour nap this afternoon just to quiet the sound of the gears.
The byproducts, however, can be rather interesting. Most of the time, all my thinking stays in my head pretty much, but occasionally a noise, phrase or question will escape and amuse whoever is around me. Case in point: yesterday on the boat, Deadra and I were laying out on the bow, and apparently I let out a grunt-like sigh. She asked me, "What was that?" to which I replied, "What?" And then I realized I had just thought of something that was troubling me, and in my head I was resigning myself to the fact that I couldn't resolve it in that moment, and as a result I sighed. I said to Deadra, "Oh, I guess I was just thinking of something," and she laughed saying, "Did you realize you did that out loud? Haha!" Yeah - I'm amusing. I amuse people.
Then there's my morning commute during which my thinking kicks into 5th gear and becomes rather random, even though it all seems connected in my own world. A sample:
"Ok, that's the 5th scrap metal truck I have passed within the last 2 blocks. Hilarious. I wonder where they take all that scrap metal. Oh - I have to call Art + Science today to make a hair appointment. Is Helen off on Tuesdays or Fridays? Aw, I love this song... This whole Jack Johnson album rocks. Too bad I didn't get to meet him in Hawaii. I wonder what Amelia is up to today. Oh shoot - I still have to call Me-Shell to coordinate about the surfing retreats in August. I really need to crack the code on what kind of work to do next. What do I want to do? MFA program? Writing? Just take up any old job temporarily? I have got to stop fantasizing about feelings or relationship conditions that just aren't there in reality. How can I shed the fantasy worlds? They just seem so real... I gotta remember to drop the dry cleaning today. Can't these people move any faster? Isn't the speed limit 35? Why are we going only 25? Ack! Ok, be more patient, Delara. Chill. Enjoy the ride. I just don't want to be late. Aw - look at the dad pushing his kids around in a stroller. Love that. Sigh... So seriously, what's with the fantasy worlds..."
And it just keeps going from there. Tiring.
This is exactly why, by the way, being on a boat is good for me. Something about the movement of the water makes my brain stop running for a minute. I appreciate that.
