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I think my thumb can be considered "light green" at this point. Check out the delphinium that grew in this year! They're almost all gone now, but the balloon flowers and gooseneck loosestrife are still in full effect. Purple and white. Pretty funny - you'd think we were Northwestern fans or something. Alas, we are not.
Not to be outdone by my indoor beauties - my "babies" that keep blooming!!
1. Spammers who try to use my blog (or anyone else's for that matter) for their advertising. In addition to evil spam that invades our inboxes, evil spammers have found ways of adding random comments to random blogs with URL links to their evil sites. I'm thinking, since having a blog requires (sometimes) paying for hosting service, there is probably a way to pass legislation prohibiting "freeloading" spammers from using blogs for their own advertising without paying. Or maybe I'll just start charging to be able to leave a comment on my blog. Ha! And totally kidding...
2. People who insist on saying "There's a few things..." instead of "There are a few things..." Don't they realize that it sounds hick to say "There is a few things..."??? (No offense to those who are into hick.)
3. My own shortcomings in my marriage. I made the comment the other day that I ought to be much more loving with my lovey than I am at times. I meant it.
Listening to:
Beastie Boys - I know I've been playing "To the 5 Boroughs" too much when I walk around saying things like "It takes a second to wreck it, it takes time to build" and "Hey Mike, it's Felicia" and "When I get the feeling I feel the feel swell" randomly. Paul is often very amused by this.
Watching:
"The Dead Zone" and "Monk" - God bless USA network for having QUALITY television programming during the summer months!
Most loved phrase that rocks but is too hot for public consumption:
"Put a quarter in yo ass 'cuz you played yo-self."
(Much as I love to imagine all kinds of scenarios in which I could say that, I don't think I actually will use it out loud.)
Happy about:
Warm weather, camping this weekend, completing Charla & Pierre's wedding invitations.
Sad about:
Richard's and Andrew's impending departure from Chicago back to Kansas.
Sweatin' over:
Kwando classes at Bally's three times a week, pilates twice a week, and weight training three times a week. Yeah, baby!
Wishing:
That I could dig deeply enough within to find a glimmer of my spiritual connection.
Also wishing:
That I had time to FINISH DOING MY TAXES FOR THIS YEAR!!
The alternate title for this entry is "These are a few of my favorite things" a la Julie Andrews in "Sound of Music" but within the context of camping.
My Internet home page is set up to provide me with one fabulous "new" word each day. Alas, VERY rarely is the word new to me. Perhaps those SAT prep classes I took in high school did me in and for the rest of my life I will not be so surprised when I hear or see words like 'viscous' or 'amalgamation' or even 'galvanize', to name a few. But I thought of a fun game instead that makes the daily word oh-so-much fun!
Here's the game: I try to use the word of the day in the most obscure, useless, incorrect way as much as possible in my daily conversations. For example, "He didn't give me the viscous report yesterday because he wasn't finished." Or, "I am not quite sure how she ameliorated her way out of that situation."
The joy of it is in observing the facial expressions that follow my statements. Too precious for words.
Try it out! And then let me know what you think.
(By the way, this game falls under the category of "things to do at work when you are too stressed beyond words.")
Soooo... um... I have noticed that I am a bit more, um, raw these days. Interestingly, my body reflects that today. Thanks to some FABULOUS workouts earlier this week, I am sore and raw in places I didn't realize existed on my body. Like just above my hip bones - those obliques will never look at me the same way. And my adductors - hoo boy! I have been waddling more than walking for the past couple of days.
But the soreness has spread into my mind and heart too. It has been outwardly noticeable, I am sure. So, once again, I find myself facing an interesting reflection: that to which I have been most sensitive (namely, negativity) is what I have been generously spreading around myself. (How do you like THEM apples?!) And while I understand intuitively the dynamics at play, I am not pleased about them.
To illustrate: much as I don't particularly care for John Gray's stuff (Mars vs. Venus and the like) I have an image from a book of his that fits these dynamics perfectly. Imagine that people were U-shaped beings. Literally, like the letter U with legs. Then imagine that you are stuffing things down one side of the U - things like one's daily interactions, stress, environment, responsibilities, etc. Eventually, that side of the U gets pretty full and can't help but travel up the other side and spill out. Onto others most of the time. Get the image?
So, that which we (I) experience day in and day out (let's call it "input" broadly) inevitably affects the way in which we (I) contribute to the experience of others (let's call that "output") or even just to the world in general. Cycles, right? Could be positive and uplifting ones, could be negative and poisonous ones.
I know, I know - this is not anything profound. It's more like, "well, yeah! duh!" But I had lost knowing of this and therefore lost vision of how to counteract these cycles - or, rather, transform these cycles. Somewhere at the bottom of the U-shaped being, I believe there is a choice that can be made to transform negative into positive before it goes up the other side. Through prayer, mindfulness, balance - and many other means. Even just a yoga class.
Hopefully, I will be able to tap into that place soon and move some of this "soreness" up and out of the U but not onto others. Maybe a good flick would help - "Bend It Like Beckham" anyone?
Happy Birthday, P-Air!
I hope you like the wonderful gift that Charla Marla is arranging for you! And boy are you in for a surprise on Sunday. I'll bet you never knew you liked classical music! Can't wait to hang out. And can't wait to get back to the gym! Although I must say, I have been doing pretty well even though you haven't been here.
But anyway, Happy Birthday!
Love,
Delara
Must blog something short. Too much work. Must get back to writing report. Don't like writing reports! Not going to Nebraska tomorrow - too much work. Bummed big time! Sulking now. Crabby now. Blood sugar low - must get something to eat. Now!
They might be right. I will stop playing the victim now. The show's over. You can all go back into your homes and turn out the lights for the evening.
Ok, I admit that I was in a slightly rancid mood yesterday. Or, rather, earlier today. Sorry about that. Certain things really throw me for a loop and then it's hard for me to get my bearings again for a while. That happened. Someone threw in my face one of my faults - actually, my biggest one perhaps - in a way that did not allow for any discussion, reflection or even apology on my part. It was kind of like, "You suck at this and badly need to work on it. Next?" Add to that some serious hyperbole about the frequency with which I flaunt this hideous shortcoming and it just put me in a rotten mood.
And really, that's kind of weird for me because all in all I'm pretty honest about those things at which I am no good. Many times I am the first to admit my wrongdoings or flaws. For example, being on time. The euphemism would be to say that I am overly optimistic about what I can actually accomplish in a given period of time. The reality is that I am late to things (meetings, doctor appointments, social events, etc.) about 75% of the time. Maybe even 80%. I have a very loose sense of time. And because I acknowledge this doesn't mean I excuse myself for it. I don't - it's something I work on constantly.
It is precisely because I "own" my issues and continually strive to overcome them that makes having them thrown at me with no recourse all that much more of a sting.
Oh well. Tomorrow's another day. That is, if I wake up on time for it.
Seriously, I am not and likely never again will be a big fan of insults masked as humor. It just isn't funny to me. Perhaps this is because I value straightforwardness and honesty, but I also know who and what I have been earlier in my life and how it affected others in adverse ways. To avoid being cryptic here, let's just say that in my "younger years" (like I'm so friggin' old now) I had a SERIOUS edge to me. One might have said I was difficult to approach, and many did say that they found me to be intimidating, especially at first glance. Perhaps the small and elegant silver skull hanging from my left ear drove them off? Who knows. But I definitely had an edge, and a serious attitude, and I often cloaked negativity and insult in the guise of humor. Let's say it was my survival mechanism for a good long time. So I know what it looks and feels like.
So, when I'm showing you my new Ann Taylor Loft pants in a miniscule houndstooth with cute little pink stripes, don't think you're being funny or clever by saying, "Wow, look at you! Taking a departure from your usual brown and black pants!" And don't think that I think you are complimenting me.
And when someone has planned a perfectly good baby shower and has invited "slightly older than young" family members of the new mother, don't think it's cute or charming to comment on the "geriatric crowd" at the shower.
Not that I think everyone needs to be like Pollyanna all the time - au contraire. Tres boring and trite! But I do believe with all the crap that we have to deal with day in and day out, the last thing I want to hear from my friends is any kind of dig or negativity at the expense of someone else, however subtle or "harmless" the dig might be.
'Nuff said.
Some fun stuff has been happening.
Saw Spidey2 last week - WAY FUN! As was late night Harry Potter with my mom and Paulie. Seeing the third Harry Potter and not having read any of the books (I know, for shame) motivated me to actually consider committing myself to reading the series.
The week just kept snowballing from Spidey2 on. Grilled Monday night and watched Calendar Girls on DVD (hilarious!!!), had dinner at dad's Tuesday night and met his "friend" Taraneh, worked out and saw Matchstick Men on Wednesday (loved that film too - very nicely done), and helped Charla Marla with wedding stuff Thursday afternoon in addition to shopping at Kohl's (new bras - aren't you so excited?) and watching 7th season X-Files episodes with Paulie. All this, obviously, was on top of working a not-quite-full week. On the fifth day I rested. And hosted our monthly women's gathering, at which I had a lot of fun! (Thank you, Moj and Kari, for the fabulous late-night conversation!)
But wait, there's more!
Yesterday, Ladan and I figured out design for Charla and Pierre's wedding invitations while Chase happily played in the next room. Later in the afternoon, Paulie, Charla and I attended a "welcome to the world" party for a dear friend's wee one, Wrigley. (Yes, named after the Cubs' playing field.) And we topped it all off by watching a double-header last night - The Terminal (which was really lovely) and The Bourne Identity in preparation for The Bourne Supremacy. Paulie is a little nuts about the whole thing, if you ask me.
Today is another day of rest. Well, not really, but I'd like to think it is. I can be pretty skilled at twisting reality toward what I need it to be. I'm off to work on some stuff for the National Assembly now. And then I'm going to garden. And then I'm going to grill with a few friends. And then I'm going to pass out.
(Here's something I never posted... From June 21, just after having attended a funeral for a dear family friend who died much too soon.)
Funerals have always been such an odd experience for me. I never really know if I feel sad because of the death or for the sense of loss, particularly felt by the family of the deceased. I have been through my share of funerals by this point of my life - friends, family and people I didn't know very well. Still, funerals just seem odd.
I vividly remember the first funeral I ever attended - or, I have vivid memories of the first funeral I remember attending. In any case, it was winter here, November I think, and my best friend's grandfather had passed away. He was a very special individual, not only because he was a Hand of the Cause in the Baha'i Faith but he was a dear, loving and unconditionally encouraging presence in my life from the time I was a very small child. I have wonderful memories of Mr. Khadem gently pinching my cheek and saying "jon jon!" which is a very endearing phrase in Persian conveying one's love. ("Jon" or "joon" (depending on dialect) literally means life.) He always had a smile. And he was always full of love.
So, his passing, at an elderly age but still too soon, stirred something deep within for me, even at that young age. I was in middle school. I even remember what I wore to the funeral - black pants and a fuzzy cream and pastel-colored sweater. Strange that I'd remember that. And I remember the moment I completely broke down and cried. It was after the funeral service, held indoors in a room filled with flowers - particularly red roses. It was also after we recited a specific prayer for the dead which in the Baha'i Faith is a special prayer - that was my first time experiencing the prayer. Through all that, I was able to stay composed. But the moment I saw Arya, who was beyond grief, I just lost it. We embraced, and in that embrace all of my sadness just came pouring out. As did my love for Mr. Khadem and for her.
So it is even today. I am always the "calm and composed" one at funerals until I absorb the sadness my dear ones feel. When my Uncle Said passed away recently, I had exactly the same experience. Except what really moved me on that occasion was the beautiful photo montage that my cousin Soheil put to music and played via video at the memorial service. Photos of my uncle and aunt on their wedding day, photos with one of my cousins as a baby, and many more shown with Nat King Cole's "Unforgettable" playing - these glimpses into joyful moments in his life evoked my sense of loss and sadness.
I think the reason I feel "immune" to the sadness usually felt when one passes (even my precious grandmother "Maman joon") is that fundamentally - like on a cellular level in my being - I "get" that the human spirit lives beyond the physical body's end. Baha'u'llah wrote, "I have made death a messenger of joy to thee - wherefore dost thou grieve?" and I think I really get that somehow - it's hardwired in me. I don't know why, but I just do. And so, when loved ones pass on I wholeheartedly feel joy for them but sadness for the ones who miss them.
And so it was with Nahid Hormozi's passing. She was such a special woman - very accomplished yet absolutely humble and gently loving to all. A very sad occasion when juxtaposed with her only daughter's marriage. The funeral ended up being the day before the scheduled date for the wedding - Shirin and her husband married earlier, though, in the hospital room where Nahid was being treated. Knowing that she was able to be there for Shirin's union was comforting - probably more for Shirin's sake. And the service was a celebration of Nahid's life - standing room only, evidence of all those whose lives she touched. And again - I am happy for her spirit.
I had an interesting conversation with Lacey the other day. It centered on why I haven't been blogging as much lately. I explained that what I have to blog about these days is not necessarily for public consumption. There are many thoughts that come and go in my mind each day - some fleeting, some lasting - that raise the question of appropriateness to share with others. Not that I am scheming to take over the world. On the contrary, the smaller I can make my domain at the moment, the happier I will be.
I may, however, have thoughts of complete disdain for something or someone that if blogged become "fact" about Delara rather than Delara's silly musings in this moment in time - musings that are completely subject to change in the next moment. Writing is an interesting art in this way - it often makes permanent that which might just mean to be ephemeral. And I don't know about that yet.
I will say that I have been reading Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet" again (for like the sixth time, actually) and it has been calling to my inner self quite a bit - has been trying to draw the writer out again. So, hopefully good stuff is on the horizon.
Thank you Lacey for posting cool camping pics! We had a blast, didn't we?
Thank you Paulie for being so committed to my interests and passions. I love that you love when I'm excited about something!
Thank you 30-day detox, herbal body wrap, and one-hour massage for helping me feel healthier on the inside and outside. Oh - and thank you for helping me fit into my clothes better!
Thank you Mojan for alerting me to apply for "Designer Finals" to possibly make our Tiki-theatre basement dream come true!
Thank you dad for being so predictable at this point in your life.
Thank you mom for just simply being you and continually amazing me each day with your desire for growth and fulfillment.
And lastly, thank you writers of the world for always inspiring greater heights.