delara, interrupted

Dear Blog,

I am sorry to say that I will be going underground for a while. Between work, travel for work, hubbie-time, sleep, a smattering of social occasions squeezed in here and there, and my "other" work, I am not sure I will have time to breathe much less blog. As you can already tell, I have been remiss in visiting you each day. The burdens of everyday existence beckon me away. Alas.

And there is something else I have to tell you. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I have picked up other forms of expression/writing lately. My trusty journal, for one. My workout log, for two. And such. All good stuff.

But of course - nothing compares to you! (Insert haunting Sinead O'Connor ballad here.) You are my lifeblood in many ways. My soul and its mate. You could never be replaced.

So, please forgive the extended absence. "Parting is such sweet sorrow..." And know that I will miss you.

And that we will have some SERIOUS fun when I return to the world of the living.

Au revior, mon cherie!

Love,
Delara

Posted by Delara at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I had a great conversation yesterday with a friend who reminded me how important listening is. I mean truly listening - not typing an email message while your friend is on the phone sharing events from her day. He mentioned how he has sometimes realized that the person with whom he is talking is not really listening and perhaps likes hearing him/herself talk given the amount of talking he/she does. This is in contrast to my friend's conversations with his wife, with whom he practices active listening.

Paulie and I have been through a few workshops and counseling experiences in which we have learned about and practiced active listening. It can be rather amusing at first.

Person 1: "It really frustrates me when so-and-so does..."
Person 2: "So what I hear you saying is that when so-and-so does... you feel frustrated."
Person 1: "Yes, and it also hurts my feelings when..."
Person 2" "You feel hurt when...?"
Person 1: "Yes, that's right."
Person 2: "Tell me more about that... (or) Is there more you'd like to say about that?"

And so on. Rather perfunctory in the beginning. But really, once you get the hang of it, you realize how good you feel when you are sharing something because you seriously feel like the other person actually GETS it. That's a good thing.

So, two thoughts - neither of which are originally mine and both of which are very meaningful to me:

"It is the province of knowledge to speak And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen."
Oliver Wendell Holmes

"The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer."
Henry David Thoreau

Posted by Delara at 11:53 AM | Permalink

Been busy.

Good stuff.

More later.

Peace out.

Posted by Delara at 11:38 AM | Permalink

Celebration is always good. Especially when you don't have to plan it.

Despite my best attempts at avoiding extravagant birthday festivities, I felt very loved last week as my co-workers and friends celebrated my advancing age. Thanks everyone!! Now I know what you really think of me. Ha!

Round One: At The Office

Round Two: At Cafe 28

Posted by Delara at 11:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

These are a few of my favorite things, especially as the weather warms up:

1. Spring buds on trees.

2. Kids waving hello to you from the car in front of you.

3. Steam that rises from the pavement on hot days after it has rained.

4. That I can skip the step of putting on socks when getting dressed in the morning.

5. Eating dinner while the sun is still up.

Posted by Delara at 11:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's the Blog!! The Blogmeister! Blog-o-rama! Blogizzle! The Bloginator! Big Bad Blog!

You, my friend, have served me well this past year. You have stuck with me through thick and thin, have always been faithful to the truth and have helped me see the way. I am so grateful to have you by my side. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

As we embark on our second year together, I hope you remember how much I love you.

Happy birthday, my little blog.

Posted by Delara at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Ok, seriously? I am having the hardest time with my birthday this year. Thirty one? Really?

Turning thirty one is much harder than turning thirty. Thirty was fun! Novel! A party! A nice round number!

Thirty one is, well, old. And it means I'm officially in my thirties. Weird.

Some advantages though - Paulie gave me a featherbed for our mattress!! Aaaaahhh... cushion my body with feathery softness! My man knows what I like. Fo sho.

Some other advantages - I look good for my age.

Hee hee.

Posted by Delara at 10:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

1. fray.com - What an amazing site!! You MUST check it out. I am so appreciative of the spirit behind the site - that it is really about building community and about artistic expression. And I was just reading something today about storytelling that inspired me to begin writing again. So cool.

2. dooce.com - In one day alone, more people left comments on Heather's blog, about VAGINAS no less, than have left comments on my entire blog since its birth a year ago! I was comment #513 and I believe it's up to 570+ now. DANG!! Also very cool.

Posted by Delara at 11:08 AM | Permalink

For "Women's Night" this month we tried a little something different, and I think the results were amazing!! In any case, I had a blast!

Generally, this super fun gathering is held in our home once a month and is meant to be an evening of inspiration, fun, intellectual stimulation and creativity - kind of a haven for the ladies. This month, we decided to take a field trip! On Saturday, a bunch of us went to see a documentary called "Playing House" at Facets Cinematheque in the city. The film is about a group of pre-adolescent girls at a boarding school in the Northeast and follows their lives - ups and downs - for a school year. It was such a thought-provoking piece for me, and it was very funny too. My overwhelming thought afterwards was I wouldn't want to relive that age in my life for anything! The drama! The hormones! Yikes!

But the film was so interesting to watch. And the director herself was at the screening, so we got to ask her questions. So fun!

Kudos to Kari, by the way, for being audacious and networking with the director! You go, girl!

This all was after having a perfectly lovely brunch with my friend Layli whom I have known since I was maybe 6 or 7 years old. And it was before having a FAB-U-LOUS dinner at Wishbone with all the ladies who came to the film. Yummmm! And we had such great conversation, largely centered on the film.

But to top it all off, a smaller group of us headed to the mall for a little walking and found ourselves trying on prom dresses for a couple of hours. Just for kicks. It was HILARIOUS!! Seriously. Addy took photos, thank goodness, so much mayhem will be posted here soon.

It was just such a fun day. Really. Thanks, ladies!

Posted by Delara at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Last night I was reminded of why I like watching the boob tube so much. It is seriously relaxing, often quite fun and surprisingly emotional at times. So, here are television shows I love to watch and why, in no particular order:

Alias
Who doesn't dig a super cool female spy who kicks ass? I just miss Bradley Cooper as Will Tippen. Booo... (But the good news is he was on Touching Evil last week! Could be the beginning of a trend...)

The Practice - current season
Never before has a truly messed up character been more fun to watch! Alan Shore is perhaps one of the most scrumptiously complex and twisted characters ever written. Well done, James.

Charmed
It's just so cute! And I love the fantasy of it.

Smallville
Tom Welling. Need I say more?

West Wing - in the Aaron Sorkin era
These days it's missing a little something, admittedly, but it's still quality television. Heck, I'd vote for Martin Sheen if he ran for President! On education and elocution alone!

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
C'mon, really. Did you think I could forget these lovely ladies?

Law and Order - classic
Nothing like a classic. Still impeccably written. And Lenny's one-liners are simply priceless.

Friends - whatever is left anyway
Just funny. "Joey doesn't share food!"

ER
The drama of it all. And you gotta love a show that is supposed to take place in your home town!

Monk
OCD has never been funnier. I can SO relate. I live with Monk. Tony Shalhoub is brilliant.

The Dead Zone
Yes, Anthony Michael Hall survived the 80s and is looking good. And he can act! Seriously!

Touching Evil
A new and also totally twisted character has found his way onto my list. Good stuff.

Posted by Delara at 03:36 PM | Permalink

Last night I went home from work at about 7:30pm, ate scrumptious leftovers from Charla and Pierre's little engagement dinner, and promptly fell asleep on the shoulder of my honey, Paulie, while watching something on TV. Couldn't tell you what it was! I really made a good effort to stay awake but to no avail. My eyelids were SERIOUSLY heavy!

When my mom got home from class, I was SO sleepy that I thought I was dreaming. And then, all I remember is an image of Anthony Michael Hall standing outside in a blue denim shirt. Obviously, Dead Zone was on - I miss new episodes, by the way!

And now, once again, I am yawning like a banshee. I'm not quite sure what that means, but it sounds right. We'll see if I actually make it to Feast tonight.

Posted by Delara at 05:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I am so excited by springtime! Not only does it hint at a time when we can once again wear open-toed shoes and lovely pastel floral things, but the buds poking their heads up from under the ground are just so amazing to me! There are tender green buds everywhere these days - from early tulips that have forged their way up through the once-frozen earth to dainty round buds at the end of tree branches. It is as though there are little babies everywhere! How cute...

It's the little beautiful things about life that are so inspiring. And precious.

Posted by Delara at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

If you haven't yet, please find and read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Aside from what you might consider "all the touchy feely stuff," the author lays out a fabulous code of spiritually based ethics by which one may choose to live his or her life. As a Baha'i, I found Don Miguel Ruiz' writing most inspiring and completely in line with what I have learned throughout my life. In a nutshell, and to quote the author, the agreements are:

Be impeccable with your word.
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don't take anything personally.
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't make assumptions.
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

Always do your best.
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

If you were to reflect on just one of these gems of wisdom, you could spend hours contemplating the inner meanings and varying applications to your everyday life.

I feel fortunate that I get to present workshops on this material from time to time. And I am FAAAAAR from having a solid grasp on any of these agreements. I would do well, in fact, to pay more attention to practicing them. It is, after all, about the process and not the destination.

Good stuff.

Posted by Delara at 07:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Judy, could you please come in here and take a memo? Thanks.

It should read,

To: Everyone
From: Delara

Got that so far? Ok. Then,

Dear Everyone,

Please note that from this day forward, you may no longer use me as your punching bag, either collectively or individually. I will not take any of the sh*t you throw at me from time to time. Passive aggression, unfounded blaming, subtle criticism and false assumptions are no longer welcome in my relationship with you. I recognize that you need to unload or vent, but the difference between transferring one's issues to another and simply expressing what they are has become painfully clear to me. I will no longer serve this purpose for you, nor will I take on your issues because you don't see them yourself.

Do you think it's too harsh, Judy? You're right - it's just honest. Ok.

It is true that reality is only our perception of our experience with reality. This is partially why it is always a bad idea to assume you actually know something about another person's reality.

I realize that these unkind actions may have been overlooked in the past because I lovingly turned my head the other way, understanding that in our imperfect moments we make mistakes. But, it seems a growing number of you have been colluding to push me into being or feeling responsible for that which I am not.

So, please keep in mind that while I am happy to offer a shoulder on which you can cry, an ear to listen to your woes, and hugs to share some compassion as your friend, the next time you have the urge to place your burdens square on my shoulders, I advise you to think twice. And instead find a good therapist.

Posted by Delara at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Ok, seriously folks - two VERY significant people from a long ago time in my life have just recently (within the last week!) stepped back into the picture through my blog. How about them apples! I can hardly believe it, am so grateful, and I am extremely curious about the deeper meaning of these reconnections at this point. Especially because I have often thought of these friends for so long, have tried to contact them, find them - but to no avail. And now, out of the blue, they both find me. Hm.

I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it.

Posted by Delara at 02:27 AM | Permalink

To me and Paulie. Five years, yo. Good stuff.

Some things I have learned in the past five years of marriage:

It is helpful to know when to take things seriously and when to chill.

There is nothing that a hot fudge sundae can't fix.

Love in its true sense is the alpha and omega of a fulfilling marriage. Generosity, good humor and good intentions help too.

The work required to build a healthy relationship is well worth it.

I love my Paulie truly, madly, deeply.

Posted by Delara at 11:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)