p.s.
Here's another thing I find absolutely baffling. I know in our society we don't know how to genuinely connect with people at times. But really - what answer do we actually expect when we ask a newlywed person, "So... how's married life?"
Really, people.
So, unless you want to hear, "It is GREAT! We are having sex all the time, every day, like rabbits even! And neither of us EVER get on each other's nerves! And we are SO deeply connected - we can hear each other's THOUGHTS! I highly recommend it - you can save so much money this way!" I suggest you find a more creative and personal way of asking this question.
All kidding aside, I will say this. In spite of our personal ups and downs having to do with work, travel schedules, tiredness, finding the balance, adjusting to this new life, settling into a new home, and our individual "work" in life, being married to Steve is one of the BEST things that has ever happened in my life. Ever. I am so grateful, every day, for this gift. My heart and soul are elated at the prospect of living our lives together in service and building a family together. I am, as Andrew will appreciate, supremely happy.
(Out of courtesy, I am providing a ***TMI WARNING*** here for the text that follows. If you don't want to know, turn your eyes away NOW!)
And yeah, the rabbit part is really, really nice too.
Comments
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Posted by: glenn | May 4, 2007 04:45 PM
HAHA! That rabbit bit is absolutely hilarious, Delara. And Lacey, I definitely went temporarily blind. Thanks for that. haha
But yeah. Strange that we're not more open about the sexual aspect of marriage (ok, maybe it's not too strange, given the apparent taboo). I imagine that it's one of the more exciting aspects of a new union! Glenn's points are interesting, in that light.
So happy for you two!!
Posted by: Andrew | April 30, 2007 03:21 PM
Yeah, "married life" is pretty good. :)
Chastity is something that I am grateful for with Delara. Earlier in life that wasn't a concept or a part of who I was, but I'm glad to have progressed and grown into who I am now.
Being married to Delara is great, because it is, well, real. And it's also a little weird, because now we've come down from the 'high' of the wedding and honeymoon, and now it's just regular life.
But when I take a moment to really look at it, regular life is pretty beautiful.
Posted by: Steve | April 29, 2007 07:28 PM
You know, honey, it's been a while - a long while - since I checked your blog. I thought, I'll just click over to Delara. I bet I'll find out she's in love or married or something. Well, my psychic powers have not failed me this time. Congratulations, my dear. You deserve all the happiness you can take, and then some. Lots of love.
Posted by: Juliet | April 29, 2007 03:24 PM
delara wrote:
what answer do we actually expect when we ask a newlywed person, "So... how's married life?"
This question has three semi-different expected answers when I ask it, depending on the person I am asking. These answers are separated by gender and faith.
If I ask a Baha'i male this question, I expect a sly look from him, and then that "I know what you mean" nod of the head. We are clearly talking about sex.
If I ask a Baha'i female this question, I expect a blush from her, and then that false "I have no idea what you're talking about" denial shake of the head. We are clearly talking about sex.
If I ask someone who is not a Baha'i, then I generally expect a verbal answer somewhere along the lines of "Great." (without an exclamation point) The sex has nothing to do with the answer, since that is no different than it was before they got married.
Occasionally, I get the latter answer from a Baha'i. I suspect they have no idea that I can tell their wedding night experienced a little less newness than it should have.
(note: for those entering a second marriage, the above expectations are no different. Sex with someone new is still new sex. The sly nod or blushing feign is equally present for those for whm it truly is "new sex".)
Posted by: glenn | April 29, 2007 07:06 AM
true, jessi - and i guess it would have been better for me to clarify that i was not referring to people with whom i already have a relationship. in other words, if you or sara or lacey or charla were to ask the question, somehow i hear it differently than if a regular customer at our store asks it. you're absolutely right - we use that (and other "standard" conversational questions) as ice-breakers. i'm glad you reminded me of that. it just feels odd sometimes. :)
katie - you TOTALLY crack me up! hahaha! turtles. hilarious. glad you've grown your fur and long ears again. :-P
Posted by: delara | April 28, 2007 03:31 PM
okay, this is awesome! Just the kinda girl talk I've been missing (boys, turn your eyes away - yeah right. and girls get out the ice cream!). ....enjoy the 'rabbit thing'. I know my husband and I did....for 5 hoppin' years. And then we had a baby. We were turtles for a while... but watch out! it's spring. The rabbits are back!
Posted by: Kate | April 28, 2007 01:19 AM
Eh, it's just smalltalk. I think I tuned it out, mostly. That and I think if you give people too much info on a regular basis, they know not to ask such things. Because I would have told them about the rabbit thing without thinking twice.
Rabbit things can happen many months after marriage AND it gets more fun being a rabbit. Just FYI. Sorry if anyone just went blind from reading that.
Posted by: lacey | April 28, 2007 12:32 AM
Ok, I totally see what you're saying here. However, as you say, in today's society we really DON'T know how to genuinely connect... how do you suggest one learns how to go beyond the basic questions like these? I'd ask a question like this as a way of warming myself up, or maybe breaking the ice for myself since I am really hesitant to ask personal questions at times. It's a quandary for me indeed. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Jessica McCanse | April 27, 2007 08:45 PM