delara, interrupted

This may be cryptic, and for that I apologize in advance. I am not trying to be coy or removed or private. After sharing about condom shopping, Lord knows I'm not trying to be private. Ha ha! What I am experiencing, though, is unclear to me at the moment even though I feel compelled to share about it.

Something very undesirable is happening for me. I don't quite know what it is; I just know that there is something off. I am not sure what to do with it. I have always loved how the Fast has made clear for me the work I need to do for myself, within myself. I am a bit at a loss right now, however, and I would love to find a way to work through the challenges that are floating up to the surface, asking to be addressed.

It is not undesirable that I am facing challenges. In fact, every day I ask for clarity, insight and the means to grow stronger, more spiritual and more aligned with my true self, God's will for me and my integrity. So, clearly, what I am facing now is meant to help me grow. I get that. I just feel rather overwhelmed, and the timing is such that I am not sure I have the resources or insight to adequately deal with it all in this moment.

And as I shared this (in more detail) with Steve tonight, I realized that something opened up for me--just a little. That something reminded me to breathe. Deeply. And to take things one at a time, not ten at a time. It also reminded me that it's ok to float for a while without trying to catch the waves. That's part of the process too. And it's all about the process, after all.

And on top of all that, Steve's compassion, kindness, openness, love, and tenderness made very clear to me once more what it's all about at the core. And really, that's all that matters. Truly.

So, for now, I'm giving it over to God. And maybe that's what this is all about anyway! And maybe in giving it over, I can feel more peace and power, for it is through our submission that we become intimately familiar with our dominion.