delara, interrupted

Last night was a great, clarifying experience for me on a lot of levels. It may seem banal to most, but the events as the unfolded were quite meaningful. Interestingly, today continues the trend for me.

I believe it is vitally important for each of us to discover inside the voice that speaks the truth about who we are and what we need - generally and on a daily basis. We all have it; we often don't listen to it, and because of a multitude of life experiences that can be painful and "worldly", we are often conditioned to ignore and not recognize that voice. But it is always with us, and it always guides us toward the divine. Probably because it is inspired and motivated by the divine, but that is a discussion for another day.

In my life, there have been LARGE decisions that have been adversely affected by the fact that I chose to ignore this voice, and the repercussions were painful, widespread and long-lasting. During the past three years, one of the primary things I have worked on inside myself is aligning this voice with its true origin (God) and then listening to it wholesale when it has something to say. No easy task, I assure you, but it has been so worthwhile. And the stage at which I find myself today, while not perfect, is exactly the stage I wish to find myself with regard to following my intuition and honoring what I know to be true.

Last night, we had a fabulous dinner with a large group of friends. One great choice I made was ordering a non-dairy side item with my meal instead of the Fettuccini Alfredo that I craved and heart so much. (Yummy yummy! But SO not good for my digestive system.) That was the first example of honoring my truth and intuition - knowing that I just really wanted to feel good digestively.

Then, we had planned to see "Black Snake Moan" with the group and had even pre-purchased tickets. However, once we got to the theatre and were talking about it with others and about the content of the movie, something in me just resisted the idea of seeing it. I felt it would not support the space I'm in with regard to the Fast and spiritual balance. So, we opted for a different movie, and I felt awesome inside that I had honored my knowing. Interestingly, it was confirmed by the folks who went to see it (whom we met after the movies let out) that it was not a good movie. So, that confirmed me even more! (We went to see "Number 23" which was scary in the psychological thriller kind of way, but an AWESOME film! I highly recommend it. It'll really mess with your head.)

Finally, although I REALLY REALLY wanted some popcorn and/or dessert last night, Steve talked me out of it (which aligned with what I know to be true about what my goals and needs are right now re: eating and all that) and I agreed (albeit somewhat reluctantly) that it would be best not to eat anything else that night. Instead, I fixed some AWESOME raspberry earl grey tea at home, had a couple of bites of Almondini Choconut biscotti (no sugar added!) and snuggled on the couch for a bit watching Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert recordings. That felt so right and supportive of my knowing what's best for my body. Yes.

Today, I am reconsidering an offer I extended to a friend here. It would be wonderful if I could provide the service I offered originally, but the more I look at my schedule and realize all the things I need and want to do for myself, for my relationship, for my health, for my wedding - I don't think it would do me well to fulfill the favor I offered. It's a difficult choice for me, especially because the favor involves indulging my creativity! But I just know it will take more time than I think I have to offer. We'll see... I will think about it some more and re-evaluate based on my schedule and how I feel today and tomorrow. But my knowing is telling me not to do it and find other ways to nurture my creativity.

It's all good. Somehow, I know that when we honor our truth, everything is made right and the perfect solutions fall into place. I am trusting that today, and I am excited to see what happens!