delara, interrupted

d-
i miss you. it's been forever since i checked out your blog. this is one friend you're never leaving in the past. kisses. arya

hey delara -- that friend thing IS interesting isn't it. sometimes i'm embarrassed by my friendship "routines" so to speak -- connecting deeply and intensely with one or two people at a time and then moving on to the next deep connection. but, honestly, with MOST of those connections nothing is really lost when our attentions turn another way for a while. i mean, yes, there is a period of yearning for the connection and some frustration over whatever is getting in the way of such intense time together. but, in fact, because our connections were so substantial to begin with, the affection remains for years after a phase of day-to-day, constant communication. i know i can always turn to those people and learn something... even if it's a simple reminder of who i was 3 years ago.

i think this pattern is partially due to living in chicago. because there are SO MANY people to connect with and the move so frequently. i think if i lived in minnesota, i would have just a few long-term, consistent relationships.

i think, for instance, about my aunt and uncle who have always lived in minnesota. a couple of years ago my parents wanted to stay with them for a couple of days and after 25 years of marriage -- my parents were their firs "out of town" guests. they didn't know ANYONE else who lived out of town. which meant, despite family vacations, they hadn't been out of town enough to make friends with anyone else. sorry. that was a tangent. but, it's still mindblowing to me.

I know EXACTLY what you mean. Sometime you have to have the grain, the crunch, the filling carbs. I'll opt for a Twix over a Hershey's, cake over ice cream (or ice cream over cake...I like it a la mode) or, like you, a cake donut over one with dough. Trust me, I've been there. But all I have to do to keep myself from eating these things nowadays is just pat my stomach and think about the hours of work it'll take to undo the few seconds of pleasure my tongue gets from eating it.

ALSO: I wanted to be the first to comment on your new entry about women, but it's going to take me a while. I may end up writing you an email, I have so much to say. Or I could leave you a five-page treatise. ;)

French toast? Have I got something for you. Yesterday and today I made crunchy French toast for breakfast-with a little maple syrup on it. I'll put a picture on my flickr account for you.

i LOVE all your messages, sarah! it's so fun. it's almost like having a conversation with you sometimes. i like that. especially since you're what, 13 time zones away? :)

and george, i'm so happy you've been here throughout my journey as well. thank you for all your support along the way. and thanks for clarifying "winds" - i was wondering. :) yeah, i love that analogy of crystals, and how amazing to think about other civilizations! wow. maybe they'll have a better handle on their sweet cravings. haha!

p.s. figs and dates don't do it for me, and although i chew gum once or twice during the day it doesn't quite satisfy the craving either. fruit sometimes does it, but only if it's REALLY good fruit. i've realized it's not only a sweetness thing, it's also a texture thing. specifically, i have to feel like i've eaten something SUBSTANTIAL, like a cake donut, or a piece of pie, or french toast. know what i mean? not just some flimsy piece of fruit roll-up, but something with some CHOMP to it. he he! speaking of which, i think i'll go hunt down a snack. kidding...

*ahem*

wings

1. Kudos to Mr. Kalina, and thanks to you, D, for sharing that. It inspires me. Perhaps I should make a movie of all my food shots. :P

2. It's been amazing to watch your metamorphosis. Thanks for letting me witness it, maybe helping you dry your winds a bit as you came out of the chrysalis.

3. Pushing a thousand, yep. I love the way you phrase it, and I totally agree. I especially like Sonja's analogy of the crystals in the heart. Did you know cosmologists (I think it was Sagan) have used that analogy in terms of other civilizations? Imagine what it's going to be like when humankind makes its first friend. And if we survive, how many civilizations will come and go in the life of our species? Picture each one as a bright star, that shines across the limitless heavens for a brief time. If one can help to light the way for another, maybe keep it lit a little longer than it would on its own, eventually as each new civilization springs into existence we could have a universe full of light!

But I digress.

4. I've been satisfying my sweet tooth lately with sugarfree gum, figs, dates, and fruit. And by sharing the occasional restaurant dessert. :)

And we older folks can look up to younger folks, as I do with you.
thanks for not minding all my messages.

I'm so grateful for you Delara-it goes both ways. And wow, what a memory you have. It's bringing me back to those times. Love you.

it IS deep, sarah. and you're a friend for whom i am SO grateful! i think it's so cool that we've reconnected recently, and i just cherish it. especially since i've known you since i was 8 or so. can you believe that? i have only vague memories of you and your dad (i think) at baha'i events in deerfield, but i have strong memories that i really looked up to you and liked you. you know? in that way that kids just *know* who's safe and who's not, they know who they can trust? it's pretty cool. anyway... mush. :)

It's deep.

totally makes sense, sonia. i hear you, and i experienced some of that. interestingly and ironicallly, though, because of my difficulties, although i lost contact with some friends, i was able to *better* connect with others. my impression is that some people viewed me as being "above" a lot of normal stuff in life, probably because i've generally been pretty private about my challenges and such and i often appear as "having it all together" or "being able to deal with the challenges of life well." (at least that's what people used to tell me--little did they know!) once i became more open and honest about my difficulties, it's like it made me more accessible. so, maybe some people found it easier to connect, which is cool. honesty is good like that.

it also helped open dialogue about my favorite topics - growth, love, living richly, etc. so, that's a good thing!

and sonja, what a beautiful analogy! i love it, and i love and miss you too! get your butt up here to nashville, girl!

dan, the sweet tooth is a sweet thang! but not so great for the belly. at least i'm not downing boxes of donuts like i used to! ha!

big ups... very true about friends - they seem to appear in our life just when we need them. another shining example of God's grace.

oh and I relate to the sweet tooth. big time.

Point #3: I love it. It's not a sad thing but rather a wonderful and exciting thing. I love seeking the answers to the mystery "Why do specific souls cross my path at specific times in my life and what sparkles of God's grace do I walk away with when our time comes to a close?" For every person I cross paths with, a tiny crystal in my heart is illuminated, whether the experience was seemingly good or bad....my quest is to light all of those crystals so that my heart can lead the way once my time here on this earthly plane is done. I hope I make it.
luv and miss you, D

Man D, can I relate to your comment about friendships or what?! Before going through my difficult time 3 years ago, I thought that I had a lot of people who I called "friends". It turned out that a lot of them disappeared when I needed them the most, or were very judgemental rather then being supportive at a very tough time for me and Imani. I think people that we consider friends often don't know how to handle it when the other is going through a lot personally. We tend to only focus on friendships when things are good, or appear to be good, but when problems come up - retreat into our own lives or other friends who are not dealing with so much. Make sense??