delara, interrupted

I have often sat down to write—either here on my blog or in one of my journals—and tried to share what my journey has been like. I have done this because a lot of people have asked me about it, a lot of people have not been “in on it” as I have taken the journey, and a lot of people have said, “Delara, what little you have shared has been so inspirational that the whole story would be amazing.” Most importantly, however, I have done this because I felt I had something important to share in the spirit of wanting my life and all its foibles and fortunes to be of service to other human beings. (I am confident I will continue to write, I encourage questions and promptings from others, and I hope whatever comes of it is real and helpful.)

But… something shifted along the way.

In the simplest terms, I believe I transitioned from a mode of reflection to a mode of action. It seems more relevant and real for me to be LIVING my life these days rather than reflecting on it. It seems much more authentic for me to experience moments as they unfold instead of taking a step back to analyze them or understand how they fit into the bigger picture. It’s kind of like deciding not to take photos at an event to “capture the moment” and instead being fully present to soak it all in so tangibly that it leaves an indelible impression on your memory.

I moved to Nashville with many questions in my mind and my heart. One of them was, what does happiness look like for Delara? What does it mean for her? Great questions, and I encourage anyone wanting to live fully to explore this for him/herself. I have often made comments like “I feel blissfully happy” or “supremely happy” here and there, and those comments always seem to attract attention. And more questions. And a lot of support and encouragement.

Here’s what I can say about all that. Happiness for me looks like living my life one day at a time while envisioning a glorious future. It looks like being fully present, to whatever extent possible given our human limitations at times, and showing up for the tasks at hand. And it looks like being of service to others. Happiness for me involves honoring my intuition, listening to my knowing, and immersing myself in God’s whisperings. It looks like my simple home “in the country” by the lake. It looks like working with a spirit of service and spreading love and God’s light to whatever extent I can wherever I go. Happiness involves being impeccable with my word, always doing my best, and not taking things personally nor making assumptions. It looks like spending time alone writing or reading. It means that I don’t spend my time doing things that don’t contribute to my growth in some way and I don't settle for anything less than what I need or want - really. It is cooking and baking new things each week. It looks like spending time with beloved friends—new and old—and traveling to spend quality time with family. It includes not buying/having more than what I need and occasionally treating myself to something I just want. It means sleeping enough, resting my body, mind and heart, eating well, and exercising regularly but not obsessively. It looks like bringing myself to account each day, finding God in the simple pleasures of life, being my true self, following my heart and trusting in God, and recognizing my true nature as a noble creature. It means regularly telling the people I love that I love them. Happiness is a simple, balanced life, filled with light, love, spirit and soul.

And…

These days, happiness also looks like an amazing person whom I have found along my path and with whom I have begun to walk a new journey that supports and maintains my own simultaneously. Wow. I am not really sure what I can say to describe what this new experience is like. It’s honest, it’s scary, it’s beautiful, it’s real, it’s filled with love and light, and it often feels like a dream. The sweetest dream I could ever have imagined. Except… I know that I am awake. What I can say is that in following my heart’s desire in God’s will; in laying all my affairs in His hands; in simply striving daily without the expectation of perfection; in making difficult decisions, doing my work, living honestly, not settling for anything less than, and listening to my knowing with an open mind and heart—I have experienced a beautiful confirmation of God’s love for me (for everyone) and a true gift.

Sigh…

I have been meditating on this quote for some time now:

"...And the honor and distinction of the individual consist in this, that he among all the world’s multitudes should become a source of social good. Is any larger bounty conceivable than this, that an individual, looking within himself, should find that by the confirming grace of God he has become the cause of peace and well-being, of happiness and advantage to his fellow men? No, by the one true God, there is no greater bliss, no more complete delight.” ('Abdu'l-Bahá)

To think that I am striving to live, on a daily basis, in many different ways, the fulfillment of that quote—and that I have found someone with whom there is a “we” that strives to live this out as well and supports each of us in our individual paths—is almost too much happiness for a human being to bear.

Almost.