delara, interrupted

The last few days were days that reminded me of who I truly am. Being reminded about this hasn't been completely easy, or positive. But it's been real, and that's what matters.

It all started on Monday when I unpacked my - drum roll please - VERY LAST BOX!!! Woo hoo! (I did a little dance to celebrate rather than open a bottle of wine.) I had left the boxes in the spare room for last because I knew once I opened them I'd have to do my least favorite thing in the whole world - organize my files. Bleh. Plus, I don't have any office furniture yet, so I can't completely put the room together. In any case, I worked all day on Monday to get that room straightened out, and it was SO worthwhile.

Among my papers were various things from 5 years ago or so that showed me once again what I'm really made of. The details aren't as important as the fact that I was reminded of the capable, professional, diversely talented person I once knew myself to be. It is SO easy for me to forget about her and to think she doesn't exist anymore. Frighteningly easy. It was a benevolent reminder that although I will always be flawed and self-doubting, I still have a noble and capable core endowed with God-given abilities that are undeniable in the final analysis. Monday was a good day.

Then, yesterday began with a great training session at my new gym, which I love. I worked hard, y'all! And I've got the sweat-stained shirt to prove it. He he. But after a fantastic workout and a productive day working on ideas for marketing my business, I decided to take myself out on a date for Valentine's Day. All day I had been thinking about the beautiful red roses my mom had sent me (nothing is better than getting flowers from your mom - well, almost nothing) and I was moved to treat myself to a nice dinner and a movie. Let me pause here to say that it has not been in my nature during the past several years to go out by myself. In fact, it is WAY outside my comfort zone to do so, especially on a "holiday" and especially a holiday designed for couples. But again, this was all about glimpses into who I really am. So, I got some of my favorite boneless buffalo wings and a piña colada for dinner at Chili's (none of which I ended up paying for - loooong story, but let's just say that chivalry is not completely dead) and then went to see "Nanny McPhee" which made me laugh out loud. Quite a bit. Ha! To top it off, I was grateful to be living in the land of 24-hour grocery stores once again (don't know why there aren't any in the northern burbs of Chicago) so that I could run into Kroger at midnight and grab some of that mint chocolate chip soy ice cream that I LOVE!! Mmmm mm! Tuesday was a good day.

Today, I managed all my bills, took care of all my outstanding paperwork, prepped for the meeting I'm managing this week in Memphis, ordered cable (just the basic networks - I can't bear the thought of paying over $50 a month for television channels I will rarely watch), and ran a couple of errands. On my way out the door, I was greeted by a surprise: a small gift bag filled with one of my favorite things in the whole world - chocolate!! - and a yummy orange-vanilla scented candle. But the sender of this precious gift was a mystery! No note or anything, just a sweet bag of sweets. Hm... my curiosity was piqued.

I had a great workout at the gym (once again) and treated myself to a new book at Borders. (Oh yeah - have I mentioned that during the past 9 months I've reconnected with my passion for reading? Ah yes... I love it. More moves toward my true self.) Then, I attended orientation to become a volunteer with an organization called Saddle Up! (They add the exclamation mark, not me. He he!) The fact that I get to volunteer to be around TWO of my passions (children and horses) on a regular basis brings unimaginable happiness to my heart. I can't explain how amazing it felt to be there, to know that I was preparing to spend my time helping children feel more confident about themselves and connect with a sense of empowerment and capability. It's like a dream come true for me.

And as if today couldn't get any better, I had dinner with the fabulous Hatchers in the lovely town of Franklin. I am just so blessed to know these two beautiful souls. And my cheeks are just going to have to get used to laughing so hard 'cause it's nothing but a fun, meaningful time with them no matter what we're doing!! Today was definitely a good day.

As I was driving home with my sunroof open (did I mention it was in the 60s today?), listening to my fantastic new hip-hop/R&B mix and bouncing to the beat, I reflected on the fact that even though there are puh-lenty of things about which I could be down right now (I've got a list, people) I have not felt this much like my true self in a loooong time. It was as though I could really feel *my* skin on my body, *my* heart beating in my chest, and *my* hair blowing in the wind.

All I know is that it's good to be home.