delara, interrupted

all i can say, nas, is... word. yes. and, mm-hm. you got it. naturally. :)

ummmm, wow. sorry bout the novel there. :)

so many interesting thoughts here...
one thing that caught my attention was the "getting all personal" about other people. it's funny because i'm always considering the social propriety elements of blogging--some things just aren't fit for public consumption, you know? in fact, andrew and i were just talking about the public/private divide in the blogosphere the other day. it can be a hard issue to navigate when you're trying to be true to yourself and yet respectful of others--and that kind of respect has to apply to all kinds of people and all kinds of situations. but props to you for keeping things respectful, even when you're bothered.

meanwhile, the metaphysical aspects of this also spoke to me. i'm one of those people who's very outgoing and loves the social nature of human beings. and yet, i'm also one of those people who can disappear into my own world and my own reality--in a serious way.

often, i'll be in a room full of people, or even in a conversation with one person, and i'll be staring off into space very intently and silently, and people will ask me where i've gone off to...

sometimes people will talk, and as i listen, i'll begin to analyze their communication--not their diction, but their communication--and i'll begin to process everything else about them that's not immediately present in their speech or their appearnce (background, upbringing, personality traits, past experiences, biases, friendships), my eyes will glaze over and pretty soon... i'll hear a translation of their words in my head--one that might be entirely different from what they're saying, one that i think accords w/ some of those other realities that people forget on a daily basis.

i'm like a little kid in a pool who sticks her head under water and holds her breath as long as she can so she can open her eyes to see the world that's teeming beneath the surface of things...

so, D, i completely understand when you say things about disjointedness and orientation and grasp of the world. those are the things my underwater world is made of. i don't think people imagine that i'm the person who has metaphysical questions and crises, b/c i seem so rational and matter-of-fact about things. they assume i keep my head above the water and responsibly deal with all the happenings in the normal, everyday surface-world.

i mean, i definitely am rational and matter-of-fact and all that, too--if i weren't, i might be too floaty to maintain any human relationship. but b/c i am those things, it's easy for people to padlock me in the rational box permanently.

D, i have a feeling that this happens to you a lot, too--another one of our many similarities. i think it's easy for people to put you and me in that rational, head-above-water box. what they don't know, though, is that whenever they're not looking, we stick our heads under the surface and check out the view...

i'm looking forward to being way out in the no-cell zone. i think my vacation will really start then. there'll be no way for drama to find me. plus, it's so fun to hear the messages of everyone whose called at the end of the week.

places without mobile service are wonderful. when i drove with my friend anna to hana on the east side of maui, we had no reception for 3 days. i loved it. what a glorious disconnection, ironically. thanks for the listening ear.

i'm glad you don't put your stuff on out the front porch, delara. it's admirable, mature and just plain appropriate. but, if you need a listening ear, i've got one this week for sure. next week i go where no one's gone in years... to a place without cell service. but, this week, feel free to call.

that sounds amazing, brian. you're on. let's do a field trip. and thank you for reminding me of the balance - an ever-important principle.

speaking of braath in breath out, I had the perfect time at the Shambhala meditation center tonight. The entire meditation session was fantastic. I successfully repeated a mantra for an entire session, something I haven't been able to do yet. One sitting session is approx. 25 minutes, so it was an accomplishment to have kept my mind so focused on one thing for that duration of time. Meditation is followed by a group reading on tuesdays and then a discussion. Tonights reading and discussion was all about the basics of buddhist thought. Not holding to tight, but haveing the discipline of not allowing to much slack. How to deal with very strong emotions such as loss, and someone brought up Katrina victims.
There was also much talk about sitting with your emotions and really experiencing them and then letting them go instead of impulsively acting on them, one of my favorites!! Every buddhist teacher including the Dhali Lama says that people should use Buddhism to become stronger in thier own faith, I'd LOVE to organize a field trip some tuesday night! that's the more "secular" night that brings out newbies to the center. I'll totally track down a bus...and.....GO!!!!