delara, interrupted

Camping this past weekend was very fun. Thank you Ladan, Piri, Chase, and Andalib for your awesome company!! We had a blast hiking through Mathiessen State Park (cool "canyons" and waterfalls) and eating s'mores with you! Too bad canoeing cost an arm and a leg (well, maybe just an arm) but we'll brave the waters next time perhaps.

Surprisingly, I ate pretty well for a camping weekend. Usually, I go nuts on sugar, but I stayed pretty moderate. Go, D! In some respects, it was a huge triumph.

And I had energy to spare yesterday when we got back - what's up with that?! So, I joined "da gang" at Foster Street Beach for some FABULOUS beach volleyball. Man, it was fun! And I got a good workout. (Thanks, Mahsa, for dinner!)

And now, back to work for the week. Well, kind of. I am working from home today, which means GREAT amounts of focused time writing and preparing various documents - letters, reports, website postings, email messages, etc. - something I generally don't have time to do if I am in the office as I make myself available to those with whom I work. Also, Lacey and I are preparing to facilitate a class on teaching the Faith for the Wilmette Institute peeps Wednesday and Thursday. Alas, I could have sworn it was scheduled for Thursday and Friday! So, we have one less day to prep. Man! Ah well. It will still rock.

So, here are some thoughts milling about in my head today. (I'm going to spare you the rundown of ridiculous dreams I had in succession this morning - like 4-5 of them! Suffice it to say that Charla's wedding plans, rock concerts and spaghetti w. meatballs all were featured prominently. Egads.) I have an issue with saying "back to work" sometimes, even though that's really what it is when Monday morning rolls around. But when you are working for an organization that is wholly linked with your religion, there is a bit of "guilt" around saying "back to work" in the same way that the phrase might be used in the film "Office Space", for example. This has been my dilemma for some time now. I LOVE what I do and the people with whom and for whom I do this work - unquestionably. And there is something rare and precious about being able to earn a living (albeit humble) doing work that directly impacts your national faith community and that even, one might hope, contributes to the betterment of the world. So, in that context, it feels wrong to have the sense of "back to work" Monday mornings - or any other morning, for that matter.

When Mother Theresa went out into the villages to help people, did she wake up in the morning and mutter, "Well, I guess it's back to work today."?? Believe me, I am not making a comparison between myself and MT. Not even close. But it illustrates my point.

So, what then? When I'm tired, and I know that I have letters, email messages, meeting after meeting, and other administrative activities ahead of me for the day, what is the appropriate phrase of choice? Is it work? Is it service? Does it just depend on one's attitude or perspective?

I am positive that my recent spiritual struggles contribute to my current state - that if I could, somehow, connect more spiritually I might not feel the dilemma. AND, the fact that I am really trying hard to understand and embody "the balance" of it all - in a genuine way - is another factor here. I'm not into faking the funk. If I don't feel it, I don't feel it and I'm not going to pretend just to have the appropriate window dressings. So, when it feels burdensome or overwhelming or imbalanced, I cannot smile through it. It is what it is. And when it is those things, it causes me a lot of stress and affects my health - further contributing to the imbalance. Such a pickle!

Before this gets any more convoluted, I'll pause here. And get back to work.