delara, interrupted

I had a great conversation yesterday with a friend who reminded me how important listening is. I mean truly listening - not typing an email message while your friend is on the phone sharing events from her day. He mentioned how he has sometimes realized that the person with whom he is talking is not really listening and perhaps likes hearing him/herself talk given the amount of talking he/she does. This is in contrast to my friend's conversations with his wife, with whom he practices active listening.

Paulie and I have been through a few workshops and counseling experiences in which we have learned about and practiced active listening. It can be rather amusing at first.

Person 1: "It really frustrates me when so-and-so does..."
Person 2: "So what I hear you saying is that when so-and-so does... you feel frustrated."
Person 1: "Yes, and it also hurts my feelings when..."
Person 2" "You feel hurt when...?"
Person 1: "Yes, that's right."
Person 2: "Tell me more about that... (or) Is there more you'd like to say about that?"

And so on. Rather perfunctory in the beginning. But really, once you get the hang of it, you realize how good you feel when you are sharing something because you seriously feel like the other person actually GETS it. That's a good thing.

So, two thoughts - neither of which are originally mine and both of which are very meaningful to me:

"It is the province of knowledge to speak And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen."
Oliver Wendell Holmes

"The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer."
Henry David Thoreau