Confessions of a Ferris Wheel Junkie

I'm so proud

Dude - My DAD IS BLOGGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's so entirely way more on point and insightful than I've ever managed to be - and it inspires hope that these things too will come with age.
... and not only that, but he quoted another blog. Friends, he's all up on it. I'm so proud.

Go read my Dad's Blog!

on appearance

'Bout time I posted something lenthy, babble enfused and weighty all at once, eh?

I neither hold issue with my body size nor habits (including the occasional moderate smoking one).
I'm planning my wedding, and I'm human - so of course there are thoughts of oh man my arms are too fat for a sleeveless dress, my feet too fat for proper shoes, etc. But seriously, once I put on the dress I fell for, it didnt matter anymore. I felt that beautiful bride thing, just because I am, regardless. Not because fat is beautiful too. Healthy is beautiful and healthy is happy, happy is healthy.
(DUH).... So this leads right into something that drives me crazy about our society. Doesnt seem to me people get that concept. Now don't read me wrong - this is not to throw out the value of physical health. Not in the least - I'm theres oodles of statistics that tell you how your physical well being contributes just as much as your emotional well being to your overall level of functioning in society - but I'm not talking quantitative, I'm talking qual. I'm talking impressions, I'm talking expressions. How do you express yourself.
Clearly, by the comments in my post 'Case of the Monday's post - I'm subject to some miscommuncation myself. Sarcasm, wit and otherwise expressing whims are not easy in this realm - eaisly mis-interpreted for pity and resolve sure. These are not things this blog will ever be about - and if they're ever present it will be a direct admission thereof. Alas, I'm digressing.
Here's what I see too much of: facades. People with two faces, a (what they believe is) public persona; and a behind the backs of the world persona. How now, is hypocisy healthy or a happy way of living? Why do people say one thing, then say another?
Here's more of what I see all too much of in this society: A life on display. Did I ask to find out how you kissed your gay lover? Did I ask you to pretend you care about me way more than you, in reality do or should? Did I ask your indignation to rise to the surface? and Furthermore, who spit on you, cuz it sure wasnt me and it sure wasnt the government and it wasnt the President and it wasn't my mom or my cousin's mom. It seems to me everyone finds everything in the world way too personal and overwhelming and in turn expresses way too much sensitive/negative energy as a result. For example: A Southern Pastor expresses disagreement with abortion according to his belief in the word of God through the Bible. Does that mean that every resident of this country's south region that professes belief in the Bible is anti-abortion? Does that give people the right to judge a population? How is it that a person can take the expressed views of a few and make them the majority? What makes that person need to feel so crushed by the differing positions in this society? It's like setting yourself up for nothing but negativity - when in reality no on has directly assaulted you. Please show me the person, and the exact situations that defamed you directly and I will listen and sympathize and pray with you to overcome that. That is what you want right? To overcome these things and not mount on further negativity right?
The political examples I use above are just easy conversational ones - this stuff seems to come on all levels - personally, politically, religiously, fanatically etc. None of it healthy and none of it happy.
My question, I'm getting to after all this, is how do I react? (generally I dont but man am I tempted to lay it out sometimes....) What unifying ways are there in situations where someone is persecuting themselves further than need be, or simply largely being hypocritical? Is it just that we all never stop to think of the appearance we create when we open our mouths? Should we not be opening them to only rectify the negativity and not to add to it?

Chief - what do they call you now?

This man is letting me marry his eldest son. Sweet.

My case of the mondays

Things I want right now:
- A cigarette
- A milkshake
- and/or: frozen yogurt
Things I cannot have right now:
- smoke break
- fatty fat girl sweet tooth break

Why is Monday even a working day of the week?

sunken eyed girl in the sandwich shop

People - I'm here to tell you what we all coulda figured - Engagement sucks. It's torture. I'm in the sandwhich shop, can't order. Smelling the fresh bread, fingers to the glass - advising the clerk of how to build the sandwich and I cant eat it - not yet anyway. And yes, I just compared my future married life to a sandwich. Clearly it's a friday afternoon, and clearly I've been too busy or too mentally pre-occupied to post here in way too long.

Reasons my workplace is weird:
#85 - munchie days
#6 - Birthday Cards pre-made to say "and the Albany Management Team"

I'll be a quarter of a century old on Sunday. Ah jeez. But you know what, I dont feel the onset of some kind of crisis because of that whole quarter century old and not at my lifes purpose junk... Thats just silly. I've seen way too much of this type of whining in my day already, why contribute to the noise...

I know I promised more pictures and updates from the chicago trip and wedding of Lacey and Myk. My heads not been in the blogosphere as of late it seems. I have a whole lot of pictures to share from recent activity actually. First there was Dave Matthews Band Island Getaway, then the Chicago trip, then a whole lotta mad cute pictures taken at the Altamont County fair. And I bet there will be even more to come - this weekend brings a trip to Mayberry (read: Shawn's hometown of Oxford NY) to see the Police Chief (read: future father in-law) retire, then there is some kind of I dont know what planned for my birthday on Sunday. All I know is that it's away from home, relaxing and I apparently ask too many questions and talk to much. Alas, I bet lovely pictures will be taken and that plentiful opportunity for a more updated blog exists.

...check.

my millenium

I feel like I know the answer to the above question again. Dear Lord I do. Before going to Chicago this past weekend I believed I would be full of longing the whole weekend. A yearning to reach out and touch my past to bring it forward to my present/future and make it all one. Life doesnt actually work that way. Before I left I also for the first time in my adult (growing, challenging...) life, felt like I was truly leaving something behind when I travelled. Yet I couldnt reconcile whether that was attachment, rather - lack of detachment, or justified.
Being in the city and suburbs I love so much for two days, I felt entirely comfortable... but the key part to that was that I didnt have any desire to stay, live, work, play, be any longer than I was. Everywhere I went there were small signs that brought me back to the foundation of the home I'm building now, pre-marriage. Everything from seeing the dress I've my heart set on, to sitting in the House of Worship and not even being close to shedding a tear at how much I miss her, but rather smiling from ear to ear knowing she's helped guide me to the place I'm in right now. I finally feel at home, where I'm supposed to be when I'm supposed to be again. If you only truly know these sentiments a few fleeting times in your life, it's all worth it.

....and yes, pictures, and more to come from the wedding. It was, to use Doopy's word, Delightful.

quandries...I suppose

I'll be 25 years old in less than 25 days...Ew, er I mean, whoa I'm so an adult - I work a 9-5, I'm engaged and in my mid-twenties... these are the days I stop denying adulthood I suppose.

Speaking of the 9-5'er... I've moved into my cube. The first reaction was why me?! I was put into the cube of the girl from the last new hire class that was fired her first week on the floor. And I'm surrounded by quiet men, not a ton of cheer but enough friendly not to slit your wrists so I'll be ok. One other oddity to the location is that I can see the stats monitor clearly whereas about 80% of the unit can not. So I always see how many calls are in queqe. I know it's only been a few days but I just cant see this as a good thing. It almost enables me to goof off more, because I can see the workload and manage my time according to how I feel not how the work comes at me... Or on the other hand it lets me be so on top of the workload I can't help but have perfect stats all the time...!
...that'd be very adult of me I suppose.